OCD Action

Sydney :)
Member

I have been ignoring my hocd thoughts for awhile now. Reassuring myself. Blocking out all the thoughts. But now they have come back worse than ever. I'm seriously sick....not just sick of them but physically sick. My stomach is killing me, I feel nauseous, and ultimately want to go to sleep and never wake up. I just wish I was 5 again and worried about little things like the weather. I can't take this anymore....it's just too much.

Sat Jan 14 2012 17:56:27 #
slogsweep
Member

Hi Sydney, could you clarify the acronym HOCD, I'm not fully clued up on such things yet. I'll try to help as soon as I know what it is,

Hope you're ok, hang in there,
Slog

Sat Jan 14 2012 18:34:33 #
Sydney :)
Member

H-ocd, H being homosexuality obsessive compulsive disorder. It basically causes me to constantly worry, check, test, and question my sexuality. The difference between me and a lesbian, is I've always liked boys and lived a heterosexual life. I've always wanted to be wuth boys, marry a man, date a man, but I constantly worry I could be gay. This ocd isn't one many people are familiar with. It just seems so incredibly real and it's giving me such anxiety. I accept, feel great, then wake up with anxiety and questions.

Sat Jan 14 2012 18:43:18 #
slogsweep
Member

Sydney if you were a lesbian, you wouldn't enjoy being with men. It sounds to me like OCD lynching onto an old fear. While you probably don't fear homosexuals, perhaps at school it might have been a common way to bully people (it certainly was at our school) and you learnt the term in a negative context, your ocd is doing the rest sadly,

How're you feeling now?
Slog

Sat Jan 14 2012 20:19:00 #
Sydney :)
Member

I've calmed down. I'm listening to music which always seems to help. When I accept everything: the thoughts, images, questions, I feel great. I feel like me, like my boy-crazed self again. But out of the 24 hours in a day I probably feel like me for half an hour of it. This is misery.

Sat Jan 14 2012 20:54:46 #
playthoseblues
Member

I love music too. When I'm lonely I listen to 70's funk, can't stop but make me feel a bit happy

Do you play an instrument Sydney?

Jon

Sat Jan 14 2012 21:24:18 #
slogsweep
Member

Sydney, we've been there it does get better I promise you, you're at the low point. You are not your OCD.

Jon - David Bowie "Young Americans", on offer at the moment on Amazon!

Sat Jan 14 2012 21:28:50 #
Sydney :)
Member

Haha no, no instrument but I am in love with music. Right now I'm listening to Creep by Radiohead haha great song

Sat Jan 14 2012 21:55:53 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi everyone, I'm just about to pop some Bryan Ferry on, I've just got some new headphones to try... I've got it on now, Don't stop the dance, the track, headphones not brilliant, but better than nothing. I also played keyboards for a little while this morning. I used to be really good at it, but not any more! I find music helps a great deal when I'm down. I played the organ for years, but don't have one any more cos they cost too much to get mended.
Wannabe

Sun Jan 15 2012 13:06:27 #
Sydney :)
Member

That's really cool wannabe. Music definitely helps me calm dowm and look at things logically.

Sun Jan 15 2012 17:24:39 #
Mike
Member

Sydney,

Although reassuring yourself and checking your sexuality might provide temporary relief, they actually increase the chance of the the obsessions coming back. The key to overcoming a particular obsessive thought is CBT targeted at your specific fear, especially ERP. Do you have a good therapist that uses these methods?

Mike

Sun Jan 15 2012 19:20:48 #
Sydney :)
Member

Yes sir, I know reassurance digs me in a deeper hole and I'm trying to refrain from doing so. I actually felt really good last night. I accepted all the thoughts and I actually felt more confident in myself and all the great crushes my OCD has masked, so to speak, I remembered and felt amazing. I can honestly say that this OCD that I'm experiencing now, has opened my mind. I used to be very....ummmm how should I put this- very one sided and ignorant about people's lifestyles I guess. I now have a different, accepting outlook about how people choose to live. So I guess, even though this has been misery, it has and still is,
making me a better person. No, I'm not too fond of the
idea of a therapist. I know if I had one I would rely on
him/her like oxygen, and be so dependent on him/her
that I could never sort out a problem on my own. As
for medication, some might disagree, I take herbal and
natural supplements for anxiety. My mom has asked
me numerous times if I should see a therapist and she doesn't really understand my reasoning behind it but many people don't either, so to each his own. I also didn't find out I had ocd until this past summer. I talked to a doctor about it. The sad thing is I thought I was normal. I always thought I was a normal little girl, and I'm honestly glad I thought that.

Sun Jan 15 2012 20:15:21 #
Mike
Member

Actually, a good therapist will teach you how to use the techniques on your own so that at some point you don't need the therapist anymore. For example, the goal of ERP is to have usually 10-12 appointments and then by that time the patient should be an expert in ERP and be able to apply the techniques on their own, and ideally would only need to make follow up appointments very infrequently.

Mon Jan 16 2012 0:17:27 #
Sydney :)
Member

Oh well I never knew that. See, many of the people I know with OCD are in constant need of their therapist. One guy even makes an emergency appointment almost every week only to come back more frazzled and upset. And another was seriously misdiagnosed.. So from what I heard therapists don't sound too great. I will look around for one though.

Mon Jan 16 2012 0:52:31 #
wannabefree
Member

Hows it going today Sydney?
Wannabe

Mon Jan 16 2012 17:26:14 #
Sydney :)
Member

Hi wannabe!!
All's well. This weekend I hit an extreme low and then an extreme high. Now I'm wavering in between the two. My mind can't decide whether it wants to make me miserable or happy. On a side note, I must say everyone on here is so caring and amiable. I have really enjoyed this site and I hope to get to know more of y'all.

Mon Jan 16 2012 20:21:35 #
Sydney :)
Member

Hi wannabe!!
All's well. This weekend I hit an extreme low and then an extreme high. Now I'm wavering in between the two. My mind can't decide whether it wants to make me miserable or happy. On a side note, I must say everyone on here is so caring and amiable. I have really enjoyed this site and I hope to get to know more of y'all.

Mon Jan 16 2012 20:22:27 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Sydney! I had a bit of a good weekend, then decided today to sort out my CV for the day I try to work again... Bad move that, I hit depression when I look at what I used to be able to do. Mind you, I'll work again, somewhere, maybe a call centre, or something like that... I'm just off to get some chocolate right now.
Wannabe

Mon Jan 16 2012 20:42:13 #