OCD Action

Wings
Member

The guilt I feel right now is my own fault, in fact I deserve to feel the anxiety im feeling right now, because I should have learned.
Ive been with my girlfriend 8 months now, and shes 8 weeks pregnant,we dont currently live togther, but we were together a couple of nights ago, but last night I was at a lose end, so I invited friends over, we drank a bit and towards the end I was hungry so walked into town and fancied a quick drink out with them, we jumped up a bar I had one drink,Two girls said Hi, and after clowning around, I accidently spilt beer on one of them, one I know from a coffee house, they went and got cleaned up, and I apologised perfusely and bought them both a drink to say sorry, then the one from the coffee house started flirting with me, they said lets all dance, so I grabbed my friend for back up, so to take the focus off me, and after a few embarrasing dance moves, the flirting one needed a hand to get her boots off as she said her feet were hurting,so I helped, then, after trying to put her arm round me to get a photo, I shrugged her off, She tried to get her boots back on, so again, I tried to help,I didnt want her stepping on something,, but I thought ive just got to get out, so i got my friends and left. I felt so guilty for being out full stop! especially as I said to Katy that I was staying in with them, the plan just changed a bit, it was too late to text her and wake her when we decided, what if she finds out and stresses out, what if that harms the baby, what if one of her friends makes trouble... im such a idiot, why!!!!

Sun Feb 5 2012 16:31:45 #
tizzkins
Member

Hi Wings as far as i can see from reading your post you havent done anything wrong. O.K. you were drinking and i more than most knows how much that increases the power of the ocd thoughts. You went to a bar but as you say it was a bit late to send a text which i think is totally acceptable. Its not as if you were living together and you had gone out and she didnt know where you were.

I am sure that if you just explain to Katy exactly what you have told us then i cannot see why even being eight weeks pregnant why she wouldnt understand i would have thought that if you didnt tell her and as you say she finds out from someone else even though nothing happened she would more likely be wondering then why you hadnt said anything.

Your last line of the post to me is definitely ocd thinking just be straight with her whats that phrase "honesty is the best policy" and considering nothing happened i really dont think you have anything to worry about. Having said that being an ocd sufferer myself i can understand only too well why you are thinking the way you are.

Take care and let us know how it goes.

Liz

Sun Feb 5 2012 17:35:05 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi there... Yes, I do this... Everything I see as minutely imperfect in my half century of life, I beat myself up about... It isn't easy is it? There is a saying that to err is human, to forgive, divine... We're all gonna err every so often... We have to learn from our minor mishaps... That is life...
A lot of the problems for me seem to stem from the 'blame' culture we all live in. I want the right to do everything wrong sometimes, and have a laugh doing it... I see people every day using mobile phones while driving, I see them break speed limits, overtake on blind bends, all sorts of almost unbelievable stunts... They cant be worrying about it, or they wouldn't be doing it... But me, I worry about the slightest thing... It is crazy!
Wannabe

Sun Feb 5 2012 18:39:58 #
Wings
Member

Thank you so much guys, I'm so scared of doing somthing that could upset her, she does get upset very easily at the best of times, but at the moment naturally even more, I'm so scared of upsetting her to a point where I cause harm to the little baby, I took your advice Liz, and it was perfect, I'm controlling my ocd to a point, and im actually quite proud of how Im doing, the trouble is I would take the blame for any small thing that people get upset about, I feel responsible for people being cross or angry, Ive been blamed for so much all my life from my up bringing, my father would blatently hit my mother etc in front of us, and then say I drove him to it, at the age of 10, so I feel I have to overly protect everyone, but Im trying to go with the flow, and im getting there. x

Mon Feb 6 2012 11:38:10 #
Mike
Member

Actually, you're not an idiot. You just have OCD, which is making you think you're an idiot. All your "what ifs" are the result of OCD. We all have to live with a million "what ifs" every day, but people with OCD have a lot of trouble coping with "what ifs". If you want to be the best husband and father you can possibly be, you should do your best to get the right kind of help for your OCD, namely ERP therapy. Since most, if not all cases OCD stem from inability to cope with uncertainty, the goal for OCD sufferers should be to learn how to live with the possibility that their fears may come true, which is what people without OCD do all the time.

Mon Feb 6 2012 15:08:13 #
wannabefree
Member

I like that idea... It is the OCD causing me to feel like an idiot... That makes sense, and it gives me reason for hope... OCD makes us react to all sorts of things that have been out of character... I haven't always tried to be perfectly clean... That is just how the OCD manifests itself now... Looking back, the OCD has always to an extent been there waiting to pounce on me...
wannabe

Mon Feb 6 2012 19:43:50 #
Cuthbert ffoliott
Moderator

Hiya Wings -

you certainly did not do anything inappropriate and untoward. We're all human, and you ended a situation at the right time. Moreover, you did right by following the advice of Liz. I think you made real progress here in fighting the demon that is OCD (in your case: fear of breaching of trust, and of harming others by your actions). You will learn from it, in that doing something unexpected (going out with mates) does not imply that you did something evil, and harmed loved ones in the process.

There will be more such occasions in the future, simply because none of us is perfect. We must learn to discern properly between minor and innocent situations, and the more serious, and apply proper ways of thinking about these, and acting wisely. You just described one such way of learning, and it worked. Which is deserving of praise.

All the best,

Cuthbert.

Tue Feb 7 2012 11:55:26 #