OCD Action

aishah
Member

Hi everyone,
I’ve just come back from a 2 week holiday to Algeria where my husband comes from. For the first time in years there were no family problems etc and I had a nice time.
I still had several nasty bouts of anxiety and suffered from a lot of intrusive thoughts but managed to cope and get on with my holiday.

I am struggling already, since getting back late last night, as everything in my flat feels dirty and needs cleaning as I haven’t been here to clean. I gave in to the urge to” get straight” as I feel I can’t get on with anything else until it’s done, it has left me feeling so low already as I think , will I ever get my OCD to a manageable level and be free of this crippling illness?

I feel like crying right now as I feel so anxious and a failure and just can’t cope with fighting all the time, it was a false sense of security being away as I didn’t clean much at all whilst away, I should have known that having a change of scenery doesn’t stop OCD and it follows you everywhere you go.

I am disappointed with myself but thought it better to voice myself on here rather than go into a frenzy of cleaning.

Regards
Bridget

Fri Jul 22 2011 21:00:12 #
Tess
Member

Hi Bridget
Firstly lets look at the positives. You've had a lovely holiday, your husband has seen his family again, there were no problems this time and you will have photos and memories to look back on.
Now it's back to the reality of day to day life with OCD and you are bound to feel low. I don't consider you a failure for 'giving in' to the urge to get everything straight, I would be exactly the same, in fact my husband would tell me to get on and do what I felt was necessary to feel on top of the OCD because he knows only too well the misery and arguments which ensue if I don't. I know this is not the ideal and not what the CBT therapists would have us do but those who condemn us for doing it don't have to live with the day to day anxiety whilst attempting to keep a home and a marriage on track. Bridget, no way are you a failure, you have raised a family and despite your illness your marriage has survived the test of time and very many people without OCD have fallen at that particular fence. When you feel back on top you will feel more able to fight the OCD. So get out that revolving duster if the need is irresistible and try to feel proud of your achievements because getting through life with OCD is like trying to run a marathon on prosthetic limbs. There are so many accolades for people with physical disabilities who do amazing things, just because OCD is unseen it doesn't make the effort of achievement any less.

Sat Jul 23 2011 8:53:41 #
aishah
Member

Hi Tess,

Thanks so much for your reply. I felt so overwhelmed when I got home and didn't know where to turn, at the same time being mindful of not going into a cleaning frenzy.

I have managed to get more on top of things around the house today and feel better. The problem I am struggling with is what is a normal amount of time to be cleaning every day. I just can't cope with dis-order as it causes me so much distress despite having so much CBT.......

Thanks for pointing out the positives, I often can't see them as I'm in such a state.

Anyway hope you're ok

Bridget

Sat Jul 23 2011 23:01:57 #
Tess
Member

Hi Bridget
Pleased you're feeling a bit more on top. As for how much is a normal time to spend cleaning I don't think there is an easy answer to this, it depends on so many factors - the size of your home, how tidy your family are, how much clutter you have, how dirty your home gets, whether or not you can live with spiders and their meal remnants behind your furniture and visible dust on surfaces, whether the extent of your cleaning makes life uncomfortable for the rest of your family and whether you enjoy doing it. There is a basic level of cleanliness needed for hygiene, beyond this it is a matter of personal choice and if you want to live in a clean ordered house and you are prepared to do the work then to my mind it is your right to do so. The problem arises when the cleaning is done to alleviate an OCD anxiety instead of for it's real purpose i.e. making your home a healthy, comfortable and pleasant place to live in.

Sun Jul 24 2011 10:00:47 #