OCD Action

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kev79
Member

Hello i am a 30yr old male from london

up until January 2009 i was a fairly normal human being with small worries but nothing to intrusive and they would come and go.

Then in 2009 my mum was very ill and was in intensive care for a month and we came very close to loosing her well needless to say after she recovered from then on things went downhill for me i was seeing a counsellor for stress related bowel symptoms and then all of a sudden within last month bam my head kept saying you are gay although i have only ever been attracted to women and had loving and sexual relationships with women and i have met a woman recentley and when im with her these thoughts deminish but i wanna state some things i have come across as reading few bits of information about OCD and HOCD

Please visit this site i found to understand what they mean:

http://www.brainphysics.com/hocd.php

Now to what i have read and seems truely

HOCD mainly affects people that require a loving relationship with a member of the opposite effect.

OCD is also as many of you know as the doubting condition causeing you to sometimes doubt things you have done.
it also causes unwanted thoughts

My councellor says drop the H and treat it as OCD but for me it isnt that easy but if anyone here has this condition or knows of things i can do to help it please message me or reply here

thankyou for reading

Wed Feb 3 2010 15:18:00 #
Cuthbert ffoliott
Moderator

Hi kev -

welcome, man! and thanks for being so open. Sorry, I have but little time at the moment. I recognize a few things:

- I had very severe bowel symptoms before my OCD medication. IBD: irritable bowel syndrome: the inner lining of the gut is inflamed. There is a gripping theory that intestine bacteria can 'escape' the gut, and that the ensuing immune reaction in one's own body can lead to certain immune messenger molecules entering one's brain; thus disturbing there certain processes, that cause OCD symptoms.
I suffered from terrible 'gassiness', everyone could hear it. I felt ashamed and depressed about it.
After getting OCD medication, the IBD stopped and a lot of OCD symptoms stopped too.

- (this is a sensitive subject) in OCD, people can have fears that run counter to their personality: someone fears that he might blurt out insults to his boss, or harm his child. Practically speaking it's that these fantasies run counter to his own personality, and thus are never performed in reality. In line with this is your remark that you were satisfied with your heterosexual nature.
Popular psychology might call your fears: a state of repression. You might be suppressing 'what you really want'.
Mind, I am not a psychologist.
But I'd go with your own first statement and what you state is the inclination that makes you happy.

My first thoughts. Thanks for dropping by, see you later!

Cuthbert.

Wed Feb 3 2010 15:59:07 #
Unregistered

hmmm..my therapist also treats someone with hocd. The woman constantly stares at others women's breasts for no reason and can't control herself. she hates it, but the point it it came on after she got married - immediately after. So maybe this type of OCD does come on after something triggers it.

Wed Feb 3 2010 20:53:52 #
Unregistered

I had this condition, but I'm not the best person to speak to, because I am completely messed up and don't think I'll ever be attracted to women again. I had HOCD at 15, up until I was 17, then I wanted to be a woman up until I was 22. And now I believe I'm a pedo. Unfortunately, I could not talk to anybody, until I was 22. And never realised I had OCD until about 9 months ago. For you to realise this now and talk to somebody is probably the best thing that could happen to you, because you can tackle it early and not end up in my state.

Wed Feb 3 2010 23:17:15 #
kev79
Member

Well average gilo thanks for your post and i appreciate your comments but if im honest it didnt help all to much im really wanting to hear from people who have had or known someone who had this condition and overcome it

i did have one way helps a bit at times its a song by daniel merriweather and has a chorus goes:

I cant do this by myself
All of these problems are all in your head
I cant be somebody else
You took something perfect and painted it red

and these words mean something to me now i will break it down

I cant do this by myself - people with any form of ocd cant do it by themself
All of these problems are all in your head - This is very true
I cant be somebody else - Cause you shouldnt have to be
You took something perfect and painted it red - ya mind has painted ya happy life another colour hence ya ocd fears

people please comment on way this sometimes helps me

Thu Feb 4 2010 0:57:36 #
kev79
Member

i forgot to put a link to the song sorry people

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XaUQXuyF_g

have a listen

Thu Feb 4 2010 0:59:59 #
Unregistered

I just knew someone who had this condition and manages it. It's not completely gone, but with medication she is able to control those feelings of homosexuality. Maybe something to look into if you are not already on some...

Thu Feb 4 2010 15:36:20 #
kev79
Member

i am in process of doing this nikiann

Thu Feb 4 2010 16:44:59 #
swan
Member

Hi,
excuse my ignorance what is hocd. I used to have some of the compulsions mentioned here.

Thu Feb 4 2010 17:33:17 #
kev79
Member

see this website explains more

http://www.brainphysics.com/hocd.php

Thu Feb 4 2010 18:02:08 #
Unregistered

That kind of upset me actually. I'll just not post again, if I've upset you.

Fri Feb 5 2010 0:34:49 #
Unregistered

Hi Giles

Your contributions are always useful. Don't leave. You have much to tell us. You have been open about thoughts which you have which a lot of OCDers would hide. Yet your type of OCD is featured in many of the books I have bought. I am learning something every day about the complexities of OCD and you have been integral to this process.

Love
Anne
ps Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.

Fri Feb 5 2010 9:11:20 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Giles,

Please don't leave the forum we'd really miss you and your contributions.
What I'm going to say next I want to say to everyone.

Trudy

Fri Feb 5 2010 10:23:17 #
Truddles
Member

Hi everyone

OCD is a strange creature especially with the way that it can make us react to certain situations.

We all can so easily read a post on the forum and misread the message the poster is trying to convey. At times I have not understood inititially what was being said by someone on the forum and I know several members that have contacted me upset about something they have read on the forum. But when the post is reread we can often see we read more into it than was intended or we just misread it.

OCD tends to make us oversensitive. That combined with the poor way that we are treated by others especially the medical profession, can quite often lead us to over analyse things, posts included.

My advice is - if you read something that initially upsets you, go back to it again after a break and reread it. It could well be that you misunderstood it the first time.

I know none of us mean to intentionally upset each other, let's face it we have enough with nonOCDers upsetting us.

Keep posting everyone

Trudy

Fri Feb 5 2010 10:45:46 #
Unregistered

You're right. The problem with society today, is that we just don't have time for anybody. And thats made me realise I've been bad to a friend of mine, who I didn't want to know anymore. It was actually a different matter with my friend. I wanted the life he has and I envied him for it, and got jealous when he got a job and made other friends, because I got used to chatting to him after work each evening. He always seemed to be ever present weeknights, except Friday and saturday (which was when his partner came over).

I want to contribute more to society. I guess I want people to worship me and tell me I'm the greatest person ever and that they're not worthy. Then I could say to them, of course you are. Why do you think you're any less than me, or anybody else for that matter. I'd be kind of like a modern day Jesus Christ, except I won't get crucified. I'd probably get beaten to death though, because there are bound to be the chav neighbours circulating pedo rumours about me, which will inevitably lead to a vigilante mauling.

Giles

Fri Feb 5 2010 11:38:07 #
Truddles
Member

Giles,

What can I say other than be yourself and then you'll be happier. Stop imagining the worse case scenario or you'll just make yourself depressed.

Smile and see you soon.

Fri Feb 5 2010 12:24:36 #
kev79
Member

kinda bit of subject people but i know what you mean

Fri Feb 5 2010 14:55:41 #
swan
Member

Hi,
Website was useful and made me realsie that I have had some of these and still have some others. All I can say is that it hasnt been as bad since going on medication.

Fri Feb 5 2010 16:51:11 #
Unregistered

kev79, sorry if people are going off subject on your thread, it's just that this a community where we like to discuss many things and sometimes we go off at a tangent. Please don't feel that you or your original post is being ignored if this happens.

Fri Feb 5 2010 18:48:58 #
kev79
Member

The HOCD is very disturbing as you can understand any advice is appreciated and i heard people can get over it without medication but we will see

Fri Feb 5 2010 19:16:04 #
Truddles
Member

With determination and plenty of support you will get over it. It just takes a lot of effort and time.

Good luck, keep posting.

Trudy

Fri Feb 5 2010 19:33:23 #
kev79
Member

i will dont worry and thanks for the messages people

Sat Feb 6 2010 12:57:35 #
swan
Member

Hi Kev 79,
Im reallly glad you posted this thread as I realised when I went on the webite that this applied to me, I always struggled with some of the things I did and
had a real fear as to how people viewed me. as to the things I did.

Sat Feb 6 2010 14:17:04 #
kev79
Member

i thought i was alone there is also a group on facebook witch someone started and he has same thing i think everyone pulls together we can help each other i did also have OCD about going to the toilet alot i had to be somewhere that had a toilet i could get access to alot

Sat Feb 6 2010 15:18:39 #
kev79
Member

Yesterday was not to bad but today has been crap mainly i even typed into google can you just turn gay and majority of people say no your born with it but some people say you can ok there ignorant to HOCD or prob never heard of it but i know typing into google was wrong and prob made me worse but i think its the ocd cause yet again im checking.
to me classic ocd symptoms but what makes things worse is ive met a woman i like and we have a kiss etc and she is aware of how i feel but surely if i was gay i would of not had the fear and break down in tears at times like i do

Anyone's oppinions of my comments above or advice would be grateful

Tue Feb 9 2010 18:40:18 #
Unregistered

Hi Kev

You do sound as if you have symptons like Giles as he suggested ie you simply think you may be gay. I am still not sure why It's called HOCD as it sounds like all other OCD to me. For instance you fear and you doubt something like all of us. If you are attracted to this lovely lady, then you must try to put your doubts aside and enjoy the relationship if you can. I know it is really hard. In fact most of us will admit that OCD has a really bad effect on our relationships, making intimacy harder and creating mistrust on either side.

Love
anne

Tue Feb 9 2010 18:58:21 #
kev79
Member

thanks anne

i know now i just say its ocd and dropped the H as that reminds me what it is and i do like this woman but with what i have it has at times when ive been with her ive thought do i like her yet i know in my heart i do but the doubt sometimes kicks in.

She is aware of how it affects me and is very understanding just writing this is making me wanna cry cause i like her alot but like giles and many others have said its not nice and im lucky that i have people to talk to which helps but as soon as this arised its ugly head ive been working against it prior to this i did have another form of ocd which my aunt (aunt by marriage) where you think you need to goto the toilet (#2)alot so you find yaself looking all the time for a toilet cause the fear there is having an accident anyway ive said enough now and fingers hurt lol

Speak soon
Kev

Thu Feb 11 2010 9:29:42 #
Unregistered

Hi Kev

Thanks for your honest and brave reply. I do so hope that you can make this relationship work. Beng honest and open is the only way. My husband said recently that he felt so left out when I would talk to professionals but not
to him. Relationships can and do work for OCD sufferers. At least three of us ladies on the forum have been married for over 30 years.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon
Love
Anne

Thu Feb 11 2010 10:52:28 #
kev79
Member

hello Anne

its still very early days and now this lady is not sure what she wants and wants to take things slowly which is what i want hopefully she will see im a nice guy she has had bad experiences with men as have i with women but i dunno i also hope it can work she says she likes me but we will see

speak soon room

Kev

Thu Feb 11 2010 18:46:59 #
kev79
Member

Well the lady i liked now just wants to be friends and now some my thoughts have come back not to extrememe but feel they have cause what has happened but i have support so i will get through this

Speak soon room

Kev

Sun Feb 14 2010 20:08:28 #