OCD Action

lioness
Member

I've had some major stress in my life recently as I think I said on another post, hence my OCD flaring up. Some of the obsessions have been short lived luckily because I've tried my best to ignore them and it paid off. This latest thing has got a hold and is really getting me down. I keep feeling like I'm on the verge of becoming schizophrenic or something. I read quite a few things online about it recently which didn't help at all. The main thing I'm scared about is becoming delusional . I was looking up about swine flu and there was something about it being a conspiricay by the goverment on some stupid site which is what started it off. I kept thinking what if I beleive that and getting really anxious at the thought that I might. Its like my ocd keeps planting stupid doubts like what if when I go out I think people are looking at me or talking about me and its making me not want to go out incase it happens. The stupid thing is, I think I'm more scared of actually beleiveing these things then the things in themselves. I mean if I were to be being followed by people and attacked when I was out, I don't care, I'd rather have that then the thoughts and the fact that I could end up thinking they are true. Is this just ocd? I always think every day, this is the day I'm going to actually lose touch with reality and I feel like I should be locked up now before its too late for me to know whats going on. Someone said, people who are truly delusional don't worry that they might be, they beleive everything 100% and think everyone has the problem. The thing is, that kind of reassurance only serves to make me worse, by making me think but how do I know I don't beleive these thoughts and trying to imagine something delusional to see what kind of reaction I have to it. Then when I panic because I really don't want to be that way, I end up thinking "Oh my god I'm anxious, that must mean I think people really are after me or I wouldn't be scared".
I know I'm thinking about this far too much which is definitely the problem but I don't know how to ignore it. I looked at a thing about the age on onset of schizophrenia in women being most commonly in the age bracket im in 25-30 and I just feel like its waiting round the corner for me at any minute. What can I do?

Wed Jul 15 2009 11:35:46 #
lioness
Member

I'll just say, it hasn't helped reading certain posts on the forum, not that its anybodys fault because people are free to post what they want. Rather its my fault for reading posts too much which I know are just going to make me more anxious, I don't know why I have done that.

Wed Jul 15 2009 12:16:33 #
Unregistered

Lioness, I am a little reluctant to write anything, in case I make you worse. That is the trouble with support groups and on-line sites. There are going to be people with our illness who react adversely to certain replies. I agree with the comment you received from someone else, but you say that made you worse. I found a book on OCD extremely helpful, I advised a friend to read it. She told me it made her OCD worse.

I do know your fear is a very common one amongst OCD sufferers. I did worry about it myself at one time. I didn't dare tell my psychologist I heard a voice in my head, I worried I'd be sectioned. Two things helped me to overcome this fear. Firstly, I became friendly with a lady who suffers from schizophrenia. I shared my secret about the voice. She told me what I was experiencing was OCD and explained the difference. I also realized that with her medication she was living a fairly normal life. The second time I was helped was when a friend was at Yale taking part in an OCD study. At the clinic were several schizophrenics. They listened to her during group therapy and one man said that he was so relieved he didn't have OCD, he'd prefer schizophrenia. The others agreed!

Tricia x

Wed Jul 15 2009 14:04:31 #
DEAD!
Blocked

Well I've never worried about that, but I did have a psychiatrist who was totally straight with me and told me he thought I had some psychotic symptoms and I was delusional.
Of course I wasn't, but my point is that I wasn't expecting him to say that, so if you're worried about becoming delusional or schizophrenia, then I think it is OCD.

I don't think you'd be worrying about it, if it was really happening and not OCD.

Although I hope you weren't meaning my messages.

Nicola

Wed Jul 15 2009 16:15:04 #
lioness
Member

I didn't mean your posts Nicola, I did a search on schizophrenia on here and other forums and made myself worse, think I need to stop googling as well.

Wed Jul 15 2009 16:55:53 #
Unregistered

Nicola, I think Lioness is referring to my posts, she has ignored at least three of my messages to her. I think I'd better take the hint!

Thu Jul 16 2009 13:25:55 #
lioness
Member

Oh no Tricia I'm not ignoring you!! I didn't mean to if I did anyway. You have been one of the people who welcomed me so thank you for that . I really didn't mean anyones posts in particular, I just meant posts on certain subjects that I know will make me feel worse. Thank you for your replies to my posts, they have been very helpful, I'm sorry if you thought I was ignoring them. Sometimes when my ocd is bad and my minds all over the place I might foget to acknowledge peoples replies but they do mean alot and are very reassuring to me .
I have been feeling much better this last few days with this obsession anyway and now looking back relaise how stupid I was being, but thats just what ocd does to us I guess. Hope you are ok

Sat Jul 18 2009 23:18:39 #
Unregistered

Lioness, That's a relief. I have to admit that writing here can lead to my obsessing that I've said the wrong thing! I'm pleased to hear that you are doing a little better. Never say you were being stupid! But, I know what you mean and it's a good sign when we can look back and see things from that perspective! If only we always could. Tricia x

Sun Jul 19 2009 14:50:55 #