OCD Action Online Forums

forum Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Help please!

(55 posts) (9 voices)
  • Started 3 years ago by Hester
  • Latest reply from Hester
  • This topic is Not a support question

Tags:

No tags yet.

12
  1. Avatar Image

    Hester
    Member

    Okay, so I was having a pretty good day until about an hour ago. I went onto MSN and none of my friends talked to me, but that's not really unusual because sometimes they want to revise and stuff so we don't have to talk. Anyway, an hour ago one of my friends sent me a message saying "Ok, so I hear you've been saying stuff about me?"
    This got me into paranoid mode, and I automatically started going through every single conversation that I'd ever said. I told her I have no idea what she's talking about, and she said "that's what I've heard"
    I asked her what she'd heard, and she said that her sister had told her that I'd said things about her. I can barely finish typing this because I'm shaking so much.

    Anyway, my obsessions are going completely out of control and I can't stop shredding my fingers. I'm in tears and I can't stop shaking because I'm so upset and angry. I've never felt this bad before at all. Now I'm worrying that if this has happened here, who else have I upset like this?

    I'm terrified I'm going to do something really bad now, and I'm terrified that I'm going to do something that will mean I can't repair this relationship at all. I mean, it's already getting there, and in many ways I'm beginning to think that maybe I should just end it all because although I've never felt better with these people, I've also never felt worse. I don't want to act on anything right now because I'm not thinking clearly (if at all) and I don't want to make the wrong choice.

    I think I might do something really stupid. I'm just too upset right now and no one's around in the house. I've locked myself in my room becuase I'm so scared.
    Mon May 26 2008 21:00:28 #
  2. Avatar Image

    Hester
    Member

    Too late, I now am officially friendless, they all hate me with a burning passion (or at least, I can assume so from all the angry messages that are crashing my MSN) and I stabbed a pen into my leg.

    This is turning into a very very bad day.
    Mon May 26 2008 21:35:31 #
  3. Avatar Image

    Nimrod
    Key Master

    Hi Hester,

    Sorry you are having a bad day. You are not friendless as you have a lot of friends on this forum who understand your OCD unlike others who are not affected and simply don't understand it. Sometimes people say things without really understanding what they are saying and without thinking about what they are saying and the effect it can have on others, and of course what they say, like your friend saying that you have been saying stuff about them are not always correct or true.

    You still have friends on here and give your other friends a while and they will have forgotten what they were on about. Contact them tomorrow. In the meantime if you want to let it out there are lots of people here who want to listen.

    Best wishes,
    Caps
    Mon May 26 2008 21:55:08 #
  4. Avatar Image

    Hester
    Member

    Can you die from ink poisoning? I think I'm going to die. I can't get the ink out and I've tried so hard to dig it out and it won't come out and it's just turned into such a mess I can't even see it anymore but I know it's there! I don't wnat to die like this. I don't wnatt to lose my leg or something horrible. I'm going to die I'm going to die and it's my own stupid fault and no one will miss me because they hate me now and I shouldn't ahve used a pen because now I'm going to die.
    Mon May 26 2008 21:56:39 #
  5. Avatar Image

    brennie
    Member

    Hester, you are NOT going to die, because of some ink ... this is irrational thinking and all because your friends are being childish by upsetting you, for now try to ignore how your feeling about them ! they will come round in time and if they dont well sod em' its their loss, you can find new and better friends :) i have been in your situation with mates many times, i let them get to me terrible and when i feel not worthy i also hate myself and occasionally have self harmed .... DONT do it Hester friends like this we can certainly do without when we are trying to cope with OCD and depression,that in itself is enough to cope with for now. Try to concentrate on yourself for awhile until you are feeling better to deal with your mates, are thet aware you are not very well Hester ?
    Please let me know how your leg is tomorrow, i will be up late this evening if you want to talk to me sweetheart :) just DONT hurt yourself again , people can have this affect on us because they dont understand how us sufferers take things to heart .
    If your leg gets infected the worst that can happen is that you need to get down to the A and E where they will clean it up and give you a course of anti biotics, dont leave it if your worried about it and it looks bad ,go and get it sorted at the hospital, better being safe is'nt it sweetheart, but i repeat please talk to me ASAP Hester because i'm worried about you.
    Dont forget you have lots of friends on here who care and want to help you :)

    love brennie x
    Tue May 27 2008 1:58:20 #
  6. Avatar Image

    Hester
    Member

    Thanks brennie,
    I'm feeling better about things this morning, although I really do regret the pen thing since it's really beginning to hurt now. The skin had gone a really gross colour already this morning when I woke up, so I put some disinfectanty stuff in it (I don't know what it's called, but it was in the first aid box)

    They don't believe that I have this and think that I'm using it as an excuse, because every time I've gotten upset with something due to anxiety and such I tell them that it's because I've got OCD. They don't understand it at all, and just got to a point that they think it's my personality or I'm making it up. The thing that really upsets me with them is when they ask me what's wrong, and I tell them something like "it's OCD" or "I have horrible thoughts in my head that scare me and I have to carry out these rituals that I know are stupid but I have to do them otherwise I'm scared something bad will happen" and they tell me "that's stupid" or "so you're upset over nothing then"
    It's not nothing, and that makes me so mad! It's putting me off opening up to people. First of all they complain that I don't open up to people, then when I do they say I'm stupid or it's nothing. But, it doesn't matter, they're not my friends anymore and I don't want to be friends with them again. I've got two very close friends now, and they understand mental health much better. One of them suffers with depression, and the other used to suffer with OCD too, and so they just seem to understand these things much better.

    At least, I'm never going to have to see these people ever again.

    I'm sorry that I made you worry! I haven't had a bad day like this for so long it just took over completely.

    Hester xx
    Tue May 27 2008 12:16:22 #
  7. Avatar Image


    Unregistered

    Dear Hester, I've only just read your thread. I am so sorry that you have been through such an awful time. Everything Bren said is right, you know. People can be so damn cruel and we are so sensitive and it hurts so much, I know!

    You won't die of poisoning from the ink. Just do as Bren said, keep an eye on it for any infection and get some treatment if you need to. As for those 'friends' I know how hurtful people can be and most don't understand and say the most awful things. A girl at the same university as my daughter has OCD and the others are quite nasty to her. It is due to ignorance in the main, though I have to admit that there is a cruel streak in many people.

    I was having a hard time with friends, many years ago. My father once told me that if a person can get through their life and claim to have two good friends, they have done well. I didn't believe him at the time, but I think he was right. We can have many fair-weather friends, but true and loyal friends are rare. You are such a kind, sweet person Hester and you deserve so much better. The two friends you spoke about sound like good people.

    It may be hard, impossible at times, but a very wise person told me, many years ago, that when I was tempted to self-harm, or just felt very upset by a cruel action or remark of another, to try to send up a prayer for them, because they are ignorant and need help. Actually, when I have been able to do it, it has helped me. Also, listening to soothing music can help.

    Love, Tricia x
    Tue May 27 2008 12:48:45 #
  8. Avatar Image

    Hester
    Member

    Thank you Tricia,

    I seem to be having a lot of problems with friends in my life! I guess I attact the wrong people for me, and so relationships with them never last. Your father sounds like a very clever guy. I'm glad that I can have two close friends rather than lots of friends who don't understand at all. I guess because support is so important for me, I've been looking for lots of people to help me, but it's much better to have just a small number of close friends who really understand and can give the support.

    I'll give that a try, and see if it helps me too. Sometimes people are too wrapped up in their own little world to notice the suffering of others, and they do need help.
    I listened to soothing music all night and it definitely helped. Music is really important to me because I'm always listening to it and it affects me a lot.

    Hester xx
    Tue May 27 2008 12:57:52 #
  9. Avatar Image


    Unregistered

    Dear Hester, Thank you again for your message on the thread about healing. I'm very pleased that you are feeling better. Do you meditate at all and, if so, do you find it helpful?

    Love, Tricia.x
    Tue May 27 2008 13:02:36 #
  10. Avatar Image

    Hester
    Member

    Hi Tricia, no problem! I've found that meditation is incredibly good and focusses your mind much better. It's helped me a lot with OCD, because of the way that you let the anxiety go as you meditate. The only problem with it is that due to the way you must focus, I usually can't get into the right state to do it when I'm getting hysterical. It's more of a prevention method than something to help when you're getting worked up and flustered.

    Hester xx
    Tue May 27 2008 13:05:57 #
  11. Avatar Image

    anxiousgal
    Member

    Hi Hester!

    I sure hope you didn't hurt your leg too bad! It sounds like you are better off without 'friends' like that who don't understand your OCD! I have self-harmed myself when people have upset me so I know how you feel. I hope you feel better soon!

    Luv natasha

    Tue May 27 2008 21:36:32 #
  12. Avatar Image

    Hester
    Member

    Hi Natasha!

    They just got me so mad and upset that I wasn't thinking at all. Thank you for your kind words :)
    I'm glad I won't be seeing them again, but at the same time it's quite sad because I have so many happy memories with them too.

    How are you doing? It feels like forever since I spoke to you last.

    Hester xx
    Tue May 27 2008 21:42:08 #
  13. Avatar Image

    anxiousgal
    Member

    Hi Hester!

    Your welcome! I totally understand where you are coming from with your friends there. I've had friends who I drifted apart from or whatever and it's tough isn't it?

    Yeah it is a long time since we last talked! I'm not doing too bad. I am still having CBT for my OCD and my therapist has done me some recordings which are helpful. He thinks I am making some progress with things which is good.

    Luv natasha
    Tue May 27 2008 21:56:37 #
  14. Avatar Image

    Hester
    Member

    Hi Natasha,

    That's really great to hear! I'm so glad you're making progress. That's really brightened up my day!

    I had a chat with my parents last night and they said that it's probably because my friends are so immature, that they are just really self-centred. Thinking about it, it's quite true really. I should listen to my parents more often.

    Hester xx
    Wed May 28 2008 11:54:14 #
  15. Avatar Image

    brennie
    Member

    Hester, yes your right to listen to your parents, particularly if they are listening and understanding you .

    Hows your leg dear ?

    Why oh Why do we let people affect / hurt us so much ?

    Take care brennie x :)
    Wed May 28 2008 12:30:01 #
  16. Avatar Image

    Hester
    Member

    Hi brennie,

    My leg is okay. At least it's not infected. I put a bandage on it and it's starting to heal.
    Thank you for your concern :)

    I wish I could ignore the hurtful things people say, but it's really hard! I just can't help it. Is it a human thing in general, or is it an OCD thing?

    Hester xx
    Wed May 28 2008 15:13:14 #
  17. Avatar Image

    anxiousgal
    Member

    [quote="Hester":3svi7mik]Hi Natasha,

    That's really great to hear! I'm so glad you're making progress. That's really brightened up my day!

    I had a chat with my parents last night and they said that it's probably because my friends are so immature, that they are just really self-centred. Thinking about it, it's quite true really. I should listen to my parents more often.

    Hester xx

    Hi Hester!

    Thanks! I'm glad I brightened up your day! That's cheered me up as today has kinda sucked so far!

    I'm glad you had a chat with your parents, yeah your friends probably were bit immature. You probably would have outgrown them soon anyway!

    Good to hear you are feeling happier today!

    Luv natasha
    Wed May 28 2008 15:42:20 #
  18. Avatar Image

    brennie
    Member

    Hester, glad your leg is getting better, thats put my mind at rest abit .
    I think we pay too much attention on other peoples opinions because we are sufferers of OCD , we tend to be more sensitive and careing that the rest, trouble is we cant help it can we ? we are just made that way :) i would'nt want to change that part of me anyway ... would you ?


    Natasha, why as today been a bummer sweetheart ? is it the same old OCD or something else ?

    love brennie x
    Wed May 28 2008 16:20:40 #
  19. Avatar Image

    DEAD!
    Blocked

    Hiya Hester,

    Welcome Back :D

    Sorry to hear what happened with your friends - I fell out with my friend and our friendship is totally over now
    Hope you're doing a bit better though :D
    Glad your leg is ok as well

    Take Care

    Nicola
    Thu May 29 2008 11:38:57 #
  20. Avatar Image

    Hester
    Member

    Hiya Nicola,

    It's nice to see you again!

    I'm doing a lot better today. I'm glad that I have people on this forum for support and just talking things over always makes me feel better (I guess it helps me to think more clearly)

    Thanks hun,
    Hester xx
    Thu May 29 2008 13:24:34 #
  21. Avatar Image

    anxiousgal
    Member

    [quote="brennie":3qn670bt]Hester, glad your leg is getting better, thats put my mind at rest abit .
    I think we pay too much attention on other peoples opinions because we are sufferers of OCD , we tend to be more sensitive and careing that the rest, trouble is we cant help it can we ? we are just made that way :) i would'nt want to change that part of me anyway ... would you ?


    Natasha, why as today been a bummer sweetheart ? is it the same old OCD or something else ?

    love brennie x

    Hi Brennie!

    I'll send ya a pm as don't want to hog Hester's post! ;-)

    Luv Natasha
    Thu May 29 2008 20:42:18 #
  22. Avatar Image

    Hester
    Member

    It's not hogging at all, hun.
    Thu May 29 2008 20:48:50 #
  23. Avatar Image

    anxiousgal
    Member

    [quote="Hester":1zco1ony]It's not hogging at all, hun.

    Aw thanks hester! :D
    Thu May 29 2008 21:04:05 #
  24. Avatar Image

    Hester
    Member

    Everything is collapsing all over again. My stupid 'friends' (I don't even know what to call them anymore) are being so hateful and horrible right now. They're trying to persuade this computer guy they know to shut down a forum that I go on.
    I don't know what to do, I'm getting really upset again.

    I hate this so much! Sometimes I think that if I just died then there wouldn't be all this stress anymore and everyone would be so much happier, but I don't want to do that because I want to live (at least, most of the time)

    This is all getting too much for me. Maybe I should just give up completely. What's the point of fighting anymore, since everything just seems to go wrong anyway.

    I'm getting really confused, and I feel like just curling up in the corner and crying hysterically.

    They're probably going to see this forum too, sooner or later. I don't understand why they're allowed to vent to their friends but I'm not allowed to vent to my friends. I'm scared all over again.
    Thu May 29 2008 22:04:40 #
  25. Avatar Image

    brennie
    Member

    Hester, hiya how are you feeling now dear,its seems your letting these so called friends to bug you again ...you were doing so well by ignoring them ,but i know that sometimes it gets too much and these friends still seem to get too us.

    Try not to let em' get you down, remember how low they got you last week ... DONT allow them to do it again, between us and your parents you can be strong enough to ignore them.

    They cannot sabotage you on this forum because you are liked too much, we can easily sus people out :) so try not to worry.
    Speak to you soon Hester,
    love brennie x
    Fri May 30 2008 0:22:15 #
  26. Avatar Image

    anxiousgal
    Member

    Hi Hester!

    Sorry to hear that these 'friends' of yours are causing so much hassle. To me it just proves that your parents are right and these 'friends' are immature and dare i say it petty! Sounds like a harrassment campaign to me, what sad people they are! brennie's right, they can't touch you here, they would be banned real quick.If I was you I would block these people from your MSN and any other thigns liek that and ignore them.

    Luv Natasha
    Fri May 30 2008 10:45:18 #
  27. Avatar Image

    Hester
    Member

    I'm really scared still. They're starting to get out of control, and the whole problem is just getting bigger and bigger. It started off as absolutely nothing, and now it's become a huge problem that's stopping me from doing anything. Last night I couldn't even sleep my head was going so crazy. I'm so angry with them and I'm so upset over the whole situation they've caused from nothing at all.

    They've also stopped one of the people that were talking to me from talking to me (does that make sense?). When I talk to her she just ignores me or answers with one word or something so the conversation can't last.

    I'm just sick of this whole situation now and my stomache is starting to hurt from the stress and the back of my neck is shredded from the constant scratching.

    I know I shouldn't let them bother me, but it's getting really difficult. Every time I try to ignore them they just keep pushing it and pushing it so I have to notice. I've been in tears every single night this week because of them, and I haven't really slept either. I wish I could invent a time machine so I could never meet them.

    Hester xx
    Fri May 30 2008 11:53:33 #
  28. Avatar Image

    activemind
    Member

    Those feelings dont last forever and I'm glad your feeling better now. Its amazing what can happen in a couple of days everyones forgotton about it and moved on it doesnt help to dwell for too long.
    Fri May 30 2008 13:42:46 #
  29. Avatar Image

    Hester
    Member

    The thing is that it's been quite a few days already, and the situation is only getting worse. I'm terrified they're going to find this forum and do something bad.
    They're only making matters worse. I wish they would just leave me alone already.
    Fri May 30 2008 14:07:27 #
  30. Avatar Image

    anxiousgal
    Member

    Hi Hester!

    Are these people at your school/college? Do you have to see them everyday there? If so could the teachers/tutors help put a stop to this?

    Luv natasha
    Fri May 30 2008 15:30:19 #

RSS feed for this topic

12

Reply »

You must log in to post.

OCD Action Forums

Key

  • - Forum section
  • - New post in forum
  • - Topic post
  • - New post in topic
  • - Announcement, important
  • - Support Question
  • - Resolved Support Question
  • - Locked topic
  • - Hot topic
  • Bold text denotes an unread post in topic or forum area.

What’s new

'OCD at School' Youth Event

Posted January 27, 2012

OCD Week 2012

Posted January 17, 2012

Advocacy Set to Expand

Posted December 2, 2011

Conference 2011

Posted November 29, 2011

More News »

Helpline: 0845 390 6232 / 020 7253 2664
Helpline email: support@ocdaction.org.uk

Office: 020 7253 5272
Office email: info@ocdaction.org.uk