OCD Action

slogsweep
Member

Basically all the usual horrible-ness that the OCD brings is coming back. I can't get out of bed in the mornings, I'm nervous before I sleep, my intrusive thoughts are out of control and I've lost my appetite again.

I was doing well and I could cry I'm that frustrated. I'd not over checked anything for a couple of days. Now I'm a nervous wreck again, I don't know why, things in the media are making me panic again and I'm constantly battling. It's driving me mad and I'm so sick of it.

I really thought I was over the worst of this

Thanks everyone for reading this,

Slog

Thu Jan 12 2012 19:13:57 #
slogsweep
Member

On an unrelated note, here's an article about England cricketer Steve Harmison and his battles with anxiety attacks and clinical depression, the third cricketer from England's hugely successful mid 00's side to have acknowledged their issues in public to raise awareness: http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/content/current/story/549091.html

Amazing how people you idolize suffer the same as humble little me does.

Thu Jan 12 2012 19:30:48 #
slogsweep
Member

And here's a good video/podcast thing on false memory OCD, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYi9ehG9iw4

Thu Jan 12 2012 19:52:23 #
Citaloman
Member

I love Stephen Fry mate, the man can have me in tears when he talks about himself in negatively. His autobiography is fantastic. You should listen to it to calm down. Get it on ITunes, his use of the English language is exquisite. You have CBT soon and I start next week.

Thu Jan 12 2012 19:52:39 #
slogsweep
Member

Already a big fan of his myself, I have most of his books and I found his autobiography an inspirational if harrowing read. Definitely pick up his novels, difficult to get into but once you're hooked they're always great.

Thu Jan 12 2012 19:55:55 #
Citaloman
Member

I have watched that before, now she charges to help people with OCD. It's easy advice to take but not when everything seems so real. You have always said to me I have OCD but now you sound like me doubting it.

Thu Jan 12 2012 19:59:43 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Citaloman, Hi Slog. That is an interesting article, and the comments written under it are interesting too... I'm gonna check out Stephen Fry's books, cos I really respect the guy too. He's been through a lot like us on here have been through a lot... Slog I guess we have good and bad days... Me too... There are days when I'd rather stay in bed in the mornings, it is warm and comfortable, but then I eventually get up and go back into my writing, and try to lift out of my depression. I think when we are depressed the OCD gets a chance to take the upper hand, and we go down like rocks... Burying ourselves in a good entertaining book... I'll check out Stephen Fry when I go to the library tomorrow. I'm trying to stay away from reading the papers. I get upset sometimes when I read my e-mails on yahoo, and yahoo come up with the bad news of the day, it is awful...
I guess deep down you'd rather be at home? Uni isn't for ever... And the travelling isn't for ever... Is it getting easier this evening?
Wannabe

Thu Jan 12 2012 20:40:13 #
Citaloman
Member

Use me Slog....!

Thu Jan 12 2012 21:00:56 #
tizzkins
Member

Hi Slogsweep i may be barking up the wrong tree here but how about instead of feeling bad about how you are feeling now (i am good at doing that as well) hope this is coming out right. Anyway in your post you put that you hadnt done your checks for a couple of days so you have made progress. O.k. i know how you are feeling because i have been in the same position. Ocd doesnt give up easily we all know that but i am hoping that you will see the two days you didnt check as major progress the fact that you didnt manage to maintain the no checking is no reflection on you in any way whatsoever its just ocd poking its nose into your life once more. I am really nervous about this post as i know what i want to say not sure it has come out right though. So i hope you can see the post for how i intended it to be just trying to be helpful and encouraging. I think you deserve a big pat on the back. Well done.

Liz x

Thu Jan 12 2012 21:01:38 #
slogsweep
Member

Hello Wannabe, I really would recommend "Making History", it's an alternative history novel written by Stephen Fry and it's absolutely brilliant. I love "The Liar" too but opinion seems to be divided on that one. Moab is my Washpot is his first autobiography and to me is his best book. I'm reading bits of the Hippopotamus at the moment don't know what to make of it as yet . I bought some Anime today to try and get me back into reading, I might start drawing again too.

Citaloman I'm so pleased you've been switched to Fluoxetine, I'm sure it'll make you feel a hundred times better. I hate the word "doubt" but it's all I seem to do. Then I doubt whether I'm doubting r.e. false memories

Liz it's nice to hear from you . I hope you're ok. I get what you're saying take the positives over the negatives, I just cannot shake the depression though. Every OCD success I've had is drowned out by this major depression. I might ask about Major Depressive Disorder, but then again I could do without another label.

Thank you for your replies. It's a pretty lonely night here, there's not a noise coming from anyone and it's freezing cold in this house. Your comments are making me feel better though

Best wishes
Slog

Thu Jan 12 2012 21:31:08 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Slog, thanks for info on Stephen Fry books, will check them out tomorrow. Now it is time to turn in... Pop a DVD on the telly or something, and warm up with a blanket. Chocolate if you have it...
Wannabe

Thu Jan 12 2012 22:27:28 #
slogsweep
Member

I'm all out of chocolate . Haha, no I'm going to crawl into bed and play some Nintendo, got a lot of work tomorrow and a train to catch. Hopefully I'll be too busy for the OCD to make an appearance.

Thanks for being there yet again, it means so much to have support there without having to worry my family,

Slog

Thu Jan 12 2012 22:47:52 #
njb
Member

Hi Slog at al,

Hang in there mate - it is ocd coming back at you and you know it does it. Try as hard as it is to remember you will feel better. It is a complete roller coaster but hang in there.

PM anytime you like.

Thu Jan 12 2012 22:57:03 #
slogsweep
Member

Thank you NJB how are you now?

Why are mornings so bad again, and why am I having such horrible dreams?

So scared.
Slog

Fri Jan 13 2012 9:32:55 #
Citaloman
Member

The mornings are bad because your back in a stressful environment. You need some sort of local escape mate. CBT soon..!

Fri Jan 13 2012 11:01:12 #
slogsweep
Member

I hope that's the reason, it's even more of a kick in the teeth as I can remember now what it's like to feel normal after I was doing well, now I'm back where I was

Absolutely gutted.

Slog

Fri Jan 13 2012 12:22:22 #
chloe
Member

Hi Slog,

So sorry you are having a rough time at the moment.
I think you are absolutely amazing. The fact that you reduced your checking for a couple of days is fantastic.
There is no way I could have done anything like that before I had the CBT and you havn't even started it yet!
I was always beating myself up for giving in to the intrusive thoughts and compulsions and I'm still very hard on myself.

OCD is a dreadful illness, always ready to jump out of no-where and drag us down to the depths of despair when we least expect it.

Try to be nice to yourself, a lot easier said than done I know. I've learnt to accept that there will be really bad days as well as good. But I'm sure as time goes by and hopefully with the help from your CBT, the good days will far outnumber the bad.

I am now panicking about whether I should send this as my OCD is telling me that what I've said might upset you and I would never ever do that.
I'll ignore it and send it anyway.

Hope you feel better soon and again a huge WELL DONE!

Love Chloe XX

Fri Jan 13 2012 15:31:01 #
slogsweep
Member

Thank you, you haven't upset me at all, actually you've made me perk up a bit . I was feeling really lonely today. Most of my friends are still off uni and I've spent the majority of this week alone. Means a lot to have people to talk to.

Also I bought a kindle book that was absolutely awful, infact it'd probably be classed as a joke if some of this community had a look. I'll name and shame when I'm on the computer.

Thanks Chloe you've made a real difference to my day with that, been so down. Message me anytime if you're struggling,

Slog

Fri Jan 13 2012 16:28:30 #
slogsweep
Member

Help me someone please , having a panic attack waiting for the train to leave

Fri Jan 13 2012 20:05:32 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Slog, I've just come on line... Take it steady, the train is taking the strain right now, let it carry you now, breathe in to a count of 4, out to count of 5, slow the body down to slow the mind down, back on in a minute...
Wannabe

Fri Jan 13 2012 20:14:18 #
slogsweep
Member

Thanks Wannabe, I'm trying to drown out my head with some Bowie on full blast and attempting to slow my heartrate. Normally I have to sit facing forwards and towards the back/middle of the carriage but I'm sitting backwards and on the other end despite my normal seat being free, I guess that's something,

Thank you,

Slog

Fri Jan 13 2012 20:28:56 #
slogsweep
Member

Thanks Wannabe, I'm trying to drown out my head with some Bowie on full blast and attempting to slow my heartrate. Normally I have to sit facing forwards and towards the back/middle of the carriage but I'm sitting backwards and on the other end despite my normal seat being free, I guess that's something,

Thank you,

Slog

Fri Jan 13 2012 20:29:33 #
wannabefree
Member

You're welcome Slog, you do the same for me!
Yes, it is a bit wierd travelling backwards on a train. Is it crowded, and will it likely stay crowded? What I mean is, is it a stopping train, where with a bit of luck you'll be able to swap seats when people get off?
I have a problem with seats, even though they are harmless to us...
Wannabe

Fri Jan 13 2012 20:32:36 #
slogsweep
Member

I've just got off the train and I managed not to switch seats a small victory but it's something. Wasn't too bad at all after the first hour,

Thanks again for your help,

Slog

Fri Jan 13 2012 22:58:34 #