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  • Started 1 year ago by mama
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    mama
    Member

    So I've found where to start a new topic. I love discovering new things to make my life easier.
    So I think in this thread we can post neat little pearls of wisdom we have found along the way that really help us in our issues. When you discover a new one please share! I know you all have good techniques to share...please do. We have to be careful though, that the 'trick' we use doesnt involve 'reasurance' ...thats the hard part!

    So I will share one that works for me with regard to reading. I'm not sure if anyone else has this problem, but when I read, sometimes I have to go back and re-read what I just read...because I didnt read it 'right'...or maybe I missed a word. So now when I read a book, and I feel like I need to go back and re-read...I stop myself...wait a few seconds and try to carry on where I left off anyway. Sometimes that works, but if I simply cannot move on, I only allow ONE reread and then just blow through it and keep reading, and feel anxious for a bit...by the time I'm on the next page, the story has taken back over and i forget about what I had to re-read. I want to get to where I just keep going with NO re reads. I've been successful a few times, but still mess up sometimes. I figure as long as I'm taking tiny steps forward...at least its not backward!

    Thu Feb 18 2010 20:16:13 #
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    mama
    Member

    Oh, and thanks Trudy for giving me that little 'pearl' of how to start the topic!

    Thu Feb 18 2010 20:17:17 #
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    Truddles
    Member

    No problem, after all that's what the forum is here for - to share

    Just over three weeks ago when I started going out alone for the first time in over fifteen months I was determined not to go back to how I was previously. I used to have to every few steps turn around to see if I'd dropped anything. Going round corners was agony and I must have looked very suspicious as I had to continually go back to check I hadn't dropped anything as I hadn't developed the ability to see around corners So when I first ventured out alone I was determined not to look back as it wasted so much time and made me look a complete prat.

    So now if I feel compelled to look back and it's not that often, I stop and don't turn around and wait until the anxiety goes and then walk forwards. It sometimes can take up to ten minutes to get the anxiety to the point where I can proceed.

    I can honestly say I can count on one hand the number of times I've looked back and even then it was only a glance.

    BTW great idea for your first new topic.

    Thu Feb 18 2010 20:35:13 #
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    Unregistered

    Well done, mama, haha! This is a nice topic, I don't have any pearls to share yet, but I will add some if I think of any.

    Thu Feb 18 2010 23:00:47 #
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    mama
    Member

    Way to go Trudy on getting out again! I bet that feels amazing! I remember being stuck inside...feels so good to get back to normal! Even if its a few steps forward and a pause.
    Thanks girls...I'm glad you like it, and cant wait for more 'pearls'. I promise not to muck it up by responding all the time....I'll PM ya or something, but I love it!

    Thu Feb 18 2010 23:16:19 #
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    Unregistered

    I have something to add, it's not exactly revolutionary, but I find it can help.

    Try to do one thing each day that you find scary, e.g. for me, it might be to eat something without washing my hands first, which is something that is particularly hard for me atm. But I did do it once today, I ate a couple of dates without washing, haha. I felt a bit anxious but I concentrated on the fact that the dates were tasty and I moved on.

    Thu Feb 18 2010 23:23:26 #
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    Unregistered

    I really want to contribute to this topic. Mama, you're awesome for coming up with these topics. You really are a breath of fresh air.

    Thu Feb 18 2010 23:37:36 #
  8. Avatar Image

    jon
    Member

    Mama,

    I used to re-read and adopted the cure exactly as you prescribed, which has worked for me because it was only on reading your post that I realised that I dont really do that anymore (re-read that is.)

    Fri Feb 19 2010 14:00:36 #
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    Unregistered

    Another tactic I sometimes use:

    If I believe something to be "contaminated", but it probably isn't, like a piece of clothing etc., then I try and put it away somewhere and forget about it. Then a while down the line I'll most likely have forgotten that I thought it was dirty and get it out and wear it, haha.

    Fri Feb 19 2010 18:34:53 #
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    Unregistered

    Hi Helz - that never worked on me. I used to get a niggly feeling and then remembered what I had felt when I put it away and it ended up in the charity shop.

    Now I put it on and rub it over all my clothes in the wardrobe and say 'now you are all dirty' ie flooding. I never get the niggly voice when I do that as the minute I contaminate everything I know it is all clean. Mind you it took two months of doing this to get there but it was really worth it.

    I can now wear all my clothes without any worry - its fab!

    Love
    Anne

    Fri Feb 19 2010 19:00:32 #
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    Unregistered

    It doesn't always work for me either, only if I put it away for a long time so that I really do forget. I'm struggling with clothes atm, since I keep thinking about them being contaminated from my mum touching them. I've had a bag of new clothes she bought me sitting in my room for a week, but I can't bring myself to try them on. And I've been trying to wear things that were washed and put away before the incident last Thursday so hopefully they'll be less contaminated, but I'm running out of things like that to wear. I will have to face my fears eventually.

    Fri Feb 19 2010 19:06:10 #
  12. Avatar Image

    mama
    Member

    oooh. I need to try that one. :)Oh sorry I responded to the group again. ...ok hush hush quiet as a mouse and listen for the pearls Andrea!

    Fri Feb 19 2010 19:07:34 #
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    Unregistered

    On an off-topic note, I've been looking at some student accomodation today and thinking about my financial options. It would be a real stretch to pay for it, even with a loan, since most places you have to let for 51 weeks, which comes to over £8000 for even the cheapest places, and that's not including food and TV licence etc. I did casually mention moving out to my mum the other day, not saying why I wanted to, and she said she had some funds she could contribute, so it may be possible. I really think that moving out, even just for a couple of years at uni could do me good in my recovery, since circumstances at home aren't really helping.

    Fri Feb 19 2010 19:08:59 #
  14. Avatar Image

    mama
    Member

    Helz...I say put one outfit on right now and run one full lap around your neighborhood block. When you gt back, see if you still feel contaminated....let me know if it works! Maybe we'll discover a new one.
    Andrea

    Fri Feb 19 2010 19:09:48 #
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    Unregistered

    Don't worry, mama, just chip in whenever you want!

    Fri Feb 19 2010 19:09:50 #
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    Unregistered

    I wont do that now since it's dark, haha, but I might try and put something on later and wear it for a bit. I did have a small victory earlier, actually. I went out for lunch with my parents, and I brushed past them with my coat on and worried it was contaminated, but when I got home I just put it in my wardrobe without cleaning it. I'm still thinking about it and I wont forget about it before I next wear it, but I'm going to try and not clean it.

    Fri Feb 19 2010 19:11:54 #
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    mama
    Member

    Good idea Helz! You can do it! I wore a coat last night to a stranger's house to sign papers for our house sale...I wore the coat to dinner at a resteraunt with my husband after, and took it off at home and wore it this morning again! woo hoo! It would have gone straight to the wash before!
    Andrea

    Fri Feb 19 2010 20:07:01 #
  18. Avatar Image


    Unregistered

    Hi all

    Andrea you are one of us now so keep on joining in.

    Helz The more you keep wearing 'contaminated' clothes the easier it gets. Last October I had to wash two bags of new clothes because I thought I had contaminated them. It took ages and I felt an awful failure. Since I started flooding I have not been allowed to wash anything that is 'only dirty in my head.' It is such a relief. I find doing washing so hard - at my worst I watched it going round and round for the full cycle which was irksome, time consuming and very distressing. I now only wash things which are genuinely dirty and its wonderful.

    Please give it a try Helz. Try on one new outfit every day until you have worn them all and then put them in that wardrobe of yours. You will feel anxious but when the anxiety goes you will be so proud of yourself.

    Love
    anne

    Fri Feb 19 2010 20:59:42 #
  19. Avatar Image

    freddy
    Member

    Hi,

    Does this count as a pearl?

    Whenever I have an incident (for example: someone knocked into me and tripped up at a train station a while back, but looked at me as if it was my fault) I find myself replaying the incident in my head over and over convincing myself it wasn't my fault.

    Lately though whenever I have an incident I try and ask myself 'what would Lesley say'

    Lesley was the complete opposite of me, so whenever I was anxious I used to tell her about my anxiety, and for some reason if she said it was ok then it always made me feel better. Sadly she passed away several years ago.

    Freddy

    Fri Feb 19 2010 21:35:07 #
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    Unregistered

    Hi freddy this is indeed a pearl.

    Choosing a person whose judgement you can trust is a really good tool for coping with OCD. To be able to keep on using them after they have passed away is a powerful tribute to that person as well as showing what a strong, determined person you are.
    Best
    Anne

    Fri Feb 19 2010 21:41:54 #
  21. Avatar Image

    Truddles
    Member

    Hi Freddy,

    I find it helps to ask myself what would someone that I trust (the person I think of varies according to the incident) do in this particular situation?

    It does help especially as I don't trust myself most of the time, that's the effect the various doctors have had on me

    Trudy

    Fri Feb 19 2010 21:43:02 #
  22. Avatar Image

    mama
    Member

    I like this one Freddy,definately a pearl!
    I think one of the hardest things to do is to determine if its OCD talking or an actual real danger. It FEELS so real! If a trusted friend would do whatever it is we avoid...its probably OCD talking. Once I have that determined, I can press forward with not doing compulsions even though I feel so anxious!
    One hitch to this one might be --what if we constantly go back and reassure ourselves that we are 'ok' because its 'just OCD...remember self, so and so would do it, so calm down.' I can see myself falling into that trap!
    Andrea

    Fri Feb 19 2010 22:55:28 #
  23. Avatar Image

    mama
    Member

    Trudy-
    I've determined that just because we have irrational fears does NOT mean that our intuition is broken. I never trusted myself for a long time and this was difficult because all of the women in our family pride themselves on having great 'women's intuition'. I thought I was broken when I was at my worst. I thought it was a weakness. Then my mom kept reminding me that my intuition still worked so dont stop trusting yourself...I realised that other people were putting the 'craziness' on me, and just because I struggled with irrational fears didnt mean that when I felt like something was 'off' doesnt mean it actually isnt. Some things actually are. Trust yourself in the things you know...you've still got it...you are NOT completely broken!

    Fri Feb 19 2010 23:17:12 #
  24. Avatar Image

    mama
    Member

    I have recently learned from Anne a good 'pearl' that puts Freddy's idea into practice for me...I am finding that Freddy's idea may actually be a key to success. I have a 7 year old daughter who has developed fear of touching things her sister (who often has accidents) might have pee peed on. This is not one of my issues. I clean up her things all the time with no fear. Anne suggested picking up the alleged pee pee item and gently rub my face and hands with it to show its safe and then have my husband do it, and make it a game for the whole family! What a great idea. I wonder if having someone model first for you is really key here for us. I've never had anyone do this, so I rely on 'what would a 'normal' person do?' Just like Freddy was saying. Now granted 'normal' people dont go around rubbing potential peepee items on their faces, but would they be afraid to? I'm not. So I know I can model this for my child. Thank you Freddy and Anne for helping me understand and apply this 'pearl'. I feel so lucky to have found you all!
    Andrea

    Sat Feb 20 2010 10:33:33 #
  25. Avatar Image

    aishah
    Member

    Hi, I don.t seem to have any pearls at the moment. Like you Andrea and Trudy, I am struggling with trusting myself and my judgement at the moment so am often seeking reassurance from other people. I am talking to myself more now and hope that those pearls will come shining through soon!

    Bridget

    Sat Feb 20 2010 10:37:49 #
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    mama
    Member

    I cant wait Bridget!

    Sat Feb 20 2010 10:45:26 #
  27. Avatar Image


    Unregistered

    I will try to wear the clothes, guys, I have to face them at some point. I did cave in over the coat though, I ended up trying to clean it where I'd brushed past my parents. I felt really annoyed with myself, and even though the anxiety over it is now gone, giving in is not going to help me in the long term. I've got the house to myself all Monday, and I fear that I'm going to end up washing the clothes I feel are dirty while everyone's out.

    Sat Feb 20 2010 22:51:00 #
  28. Avatar Image

    mama
    Member

    Thats ok Helz...a few steps back just reminds us that we want to move forward...so we try again.

    I need a boost, I about lost it at work the other night...Although I applied Anne's 'rubbing the contaminated clothes all over the clean ones' to my work. I panicked when some homeless men came in and 'contaminated' the bakery where I work. I made myself walk where they walked and then walked all over the bakery...I had trouble breathing...I had to call a friend a few times...but I stayed! I did it. By the end of my shift I was still a little juttery, but made it. Then this morning I woke refreshed with no worries! Hooray!

    I need another success story from someone...I'm getting a little overwhelmed at the moment and dont want to spiral down. Perhaps something you share will click with me.
    Thanks all!
    Andrea

    Mon Feb 22 2010 4:59:21 #
  29. Avatar Image

    Truddles
    Member

    Hi Andrea,

    Sorry you're feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment

    Although things are definitely bad with the doctors at the moment and my OCD indoors is going nuts - I have still managed to keep going out alone to my appointments (I think this is the fourth week) and I'm pleased to say that I don't turn around continually to see if I've dropped something like I used to. If I get the urge to do so now, I just stop and wait without turning until the anxiety passes. I even use the tube (underground railway) now and I haven't done that for at least 10 years because of the OCD So I'm not the complete waste of space my family say that I am.

    Will PM you tomorrow as brain not functioning too well today
    Chin up

    Trudy

    Mon Feb 22 2010 23:37:28 #
  30. Avatar Image

    mama
    Member

    Oooh! Thanks Trudy!
    I am impressed with your use of the subway...I dont think I could do it! Too crowded and too...underground!!! lol But look at you go! Way to go Trudy, thank you for sharing.
    Andrea

    Tue Feb 23 2010 12:23:04 #

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