OCD Action

lioness
Member

First of all, I feel bad for keep wanting to post new topics because nobody else seems to be posting as often as me. I hope nobody thinks I'm hogging the board!!
I'm just feeling really scared at the moment with a few problems I've been having and I really need to know if anyone else gets the same cos I feel as if what I'm experiencing is abnormal .
Well basically, I keep getting what I would describe as "flashbacks" but they aren't of anything traumatic and I don't have post traumatic stress disorder. Its just that over the course of the day I will get flashbacks to dream I had years ago or a really old memory will pop into my head, often a nice memory. I'll also get a scene pop into my head which I remember as a scene I pictured from a book I read maybe two years ago which is really weird, you would think I would forget stuff like that. I often get an anxious feeling after this happens as I keep thinking "Where did that thought come from, what does it mean, does it mean I'm starting to lose it?" It happens totally randomly and is unconnected to anything, almost like an intrusive thought really but just an intrusive thought of memories. I don't like it at all, it makes me feel as if this is going to get worse and worse and I'll just be in this constant flashback state instead of in reality. Even writing this now I've had images of memories from a school trip pop into my head for no reason . Does anyone else get this?

Thu Jul 2 2009 11:54:52 #
Unregistered

Lioness, I experience this, but didn't even associate it with OCD. It may well be a symptom, but I just assumed it was something most people experienced. If the memories of events were happy I think I'd get pleasure from them, but on the whole they are rather dark (a few are good, and many are embarrassing). Some go back to when I was three years old (which is fifty years ago). I certainly don't think it's anything for you to worry about. It doesn't mean you're starting to 'lose it'!
Tricia x

Thu Jul 2 2009 13:23:29 #
lioness
Member

I'll just add that the main reason I'm so worried about this is not the content of the memories but the fact that I have always feared being abnormal or different to other people and these flashbacks are just confirming that for me. I have asked my family if they ever get the same and they said no or maybe occasionally, not all the time like me. I also seem to be able to remember the tiniest visual details of things from my past and probably have a hugely overactive imagination. The other thing is that I'm very sensitive emotionally, not in the sense that I get hurt easily but I seem to absorb the moods of others and the atmosphere around me. The stupidest thing can change my mood from good to bad and I don't even know why sometimes, its as if there is some connection in my brain even if I don't know what it is. Sorry to ramble on, I'm just a bit fed up of being this way and feeling some big sponge absorbing everything that goes on around me. I hope nobody minds me going on, I don't usually like to talk about myself this much!

Thu Jul 2 2009 13:25:23 #
Unregistered

Lioness, No-one will mind you 'going on', that's what the board is for. (You've awhile to go before you catch up to me!!)

We are like sponges, and we are all sensitive. Most with OCD are very observant. It's why we recall things in such detail. That's exaggerated in Monk a little, but not that much! My mood can also change quickly for the slightest reason. A person in a shop smiles at me and I feel really happy and high (despite the fear I have of being out) the reverse affects me as quickly. We sense people's moods even when they tell us there's nothing wrong. A psychologist once told me we are normal people but it's as if we have a layer of skin missing, we are ultra-sensitive to everything. We also have over-active imaginations. That's why we analyse so much and fear so many things going wrong.

Tricia x

Thu Jul 2 2009 14:25:24 #
Nimrod
Key Master

[quote="lioness":39sn11mn]First of all, I feel bad for keep wanting to post new topics because nobody else seems to be posting as often as me. I hope nobody thinks I'm hogging the board!!
I'm just feeling really scared at the moment with a few problems I've been having and I really need to know if anyone else gets the same cos I feel as if what I'm experiencing is abnormal .

Lioness,

Post as much as you want on the forum - that is what it is for. Everthing posted is of interest to the "OCD community" and even if you don't hear about it specifically it will be helpful to someone. I can't tell you how many PMs I get from people saying that they are so relieved to find that they are not alone and are suffering the same or similar things to others. But of course it is not just the help and succour you, possibly unknowingly, give to others but any help or relief you can get from posting - even if it is just to get it off your chest.

I am sorry to hear how you are feeling at present and I am sorry there is nothing positive I can do, but I do know many others are going through a similar patch and that we all hope and pray that this thing can be overcome.

Nobody should worry about "hogging" the forum, it has huge capacity, as do our users and however much you want to post will be welcome.

Best wishes,
Caps

Thu Jul 2 2009 16:32:46 #
lioness
Member

Thanks caps, guess thats just me being a bit oversensitive again!

Thu Jul 2 2009 20:22:50 #
swan
Member

Hi,
I get same thing for me its sometimes about same people and they become vivid sometimes thye then make me feel really upset and distressed.
I had two good days at the beginning of the week, but am now feeling really low and isolated.
When I get home from work Im just going to bed.

Thu Jul 2 2009 20:23:22 #
lioness
Member

Oh and thanks Tricia for your replies, it is nice to know I'm not alone and joining this board helps a lot

Thu Jul 2 2009 20:24:23 #
Pippy
Member

I too experience this 'intrusive memory' thing. Particuarly with memories of times I felt I have behaved badly in some way, things that I regret or am embarassed by. My OCD taunts me with these things. But I also understand the situation you describe where you get an intrusive thought or memory and it is not particuarly distressing in its content, but it is persistent and so makes you distressed because you can't understand why it keeps popping into your head. Just another lovely aspect of OCD I think, I seem to be discovering more and more of them... At least there is somewhere like this where we can exchange experiences and know that we are not the only ones who experience these peculiar symptoms! The best way to deal with intrusive thoughts of any kind I think is just to recognize that it is your OCD producing them, or at least trying to get you worried about then, try to calmly recognize this and then just let it go because it is not truly significant.
Pippy x

Sat Jul 4 2009 17:34:02 #
lioness
Member

I got this really badly again yesterday so started googling....big mistake. It came up with a load of stuff about brain tumours and epilepsy causing memory and dream flashbacks so last night I panicked massively and literally thought I was going insane with fear.
Today I really don't think that either of those have caused this cos I've had it mildly years and years ago and it went and surely if I had a brain tumour then I'd be dead by now. I'm sure its major stress and anxiety and possibly ocd causing it, but I still hate it. I also got really scared as I had a severe deja vu moment while watching weakest link!! I was like "I'm sure I've seen this before", turns out i had as it was a repeat lol!! It goes to show how quick our brains our to latch onto anything and make a big deal out of it.

Fri Jul 10 2009 14:48:15 #
Unregistered

Lioness, I recall a time when I was convinced I had a brain tumour. I phoned my husband at work and asked him to make certain arrangements for my funeral, I was so sure. That was twenty years ago and I can laugh about it now (my husband can't!) I often experience deja vu in the way you describe. What are we like?! You made me laugh with the repeat!! We have to keep a sense of humour, it keeps us sane.
Tricia x

Fri Jul 10 2009 15:38:52 #
swan
Member

Hi,
This thread has been really helpful for me as ive been having these flash backs for years and i havn't known what has caused them.

Fri Jul 10 2009 17:18:59 #
lioness
Member

Hi swan,

I have come across a few people on anxiety forums that have had the same thing though it doesn't seem as common as some other things. I don't think its likely it would be a brain tumour or epilepsy in the slightest, especially if its been going on for years with you. I am really sure its stress related as it happened breifly years ago when I was going through a bad time with stress and ocd, though not to the same extent as now. Partly concentrating on it makes it worse I think, becuase I'm so keen on wanting it to stop I keep obsessing over it which is makig it worse.
Its just frustrating as they aren't traumatic memroies at all just normal things but it really scares me where they are coming from and the frequency. Like I had a memory come back to me earlier of stopping on the side of a road near a cornfield years ago for a wee! It seems so insignificant. Maybe partly to do with depersonalization/derealization as well which you can get from stress/anxiety/ocd etc, sort of like the mind zoning out and focussing to internally instead of externally.
Glad it has helped you, it has helped me to know i'm not the only one who gets this.

Fri Jul 10 2009 20:22:26 #
Moocher
Member

I get these flashbacks too and as far as I know, they are completely normal. Maybe you are getting them a bit more than usual lately because if you are anxious your mind may be looking for something else to focus on so it's throwing up random memories.
Russell Brand said something about it in his stage show didn't he? Didn't he say that he'll just be falling asleep and then this memory from years ago will come into his head to torment him?
I get this weird continuation on a theme thing. Like I'll see an image or hear a word and then it's like I can't get away from it. It's everywhere. And I mean I'll get one reference to it after another. Now that's pretty weird!

Mon Jul 13 2009 8:47:30 #
wullie
Member

This is something which I have been getting for some time but although I thought it was OCD, I still had suspicions that I was going mad. My symptoms are a combination of Lioness's and Pippy's and it is something which I have great difficulty in dealing with.

Ive not posted in a while as I was quite happy reading and thinking i was getting on well, the reality has been that I have got slowly but surely worse over the last few months. But thats for another thread.

The flashbacks for me can be particularly bad because they progress from there. When they happen I can recall exact conversations from years ago, how I felt, how I percieved others feeling and even what the weather was like/smells/sounds. It drves me mad. They always end up leaving me with some sort of regret about something which happened then. Often it is something unremarkable which happened but my mind will find some way to put a "negative spin" on it.

This leads to bouts of depression because I feel bad about the thoughts I am having and look for some way to "right the wrongs", even if they dont exist. Ive had urges to appologise to people for things which happened years ago even though it is well and truly water under the bridge.

The big problem though is when these thoughts lead to suicudal thoughts. I never actually want to do anything like that but when I am depressed I get thoughts of a noose or walking in front of traffic. I'm about half way through a six month waiting list for my first CBT session as I was only properly diagnosed a few months back. I am cracking up.

Help, any ideas?

Wed Jul 15 2009 16:43:25 #
lioness
Member

I don't think you are going mad Wullie. I really don't know what it is that causes this and mine have been subsiding slightly the last few days but only because it is being replaced by a bad ocd flare up instead can't win really. Its almost like some kind of post traumatic stress disorder but without the traumatic bit, well it is for me anyway. I think it could be related to OCD and severe stress and anxiety, I'm really not sure but I'm totally with you on how distressing it feels, I really did think I was losing my mind at one point over it, well I still do but thats my ocd flaring up again. Wish you all the best with your CBT.

Wed Jul 15 2009 16:51:43 #
frazzledmom
Member

I was just reading this post I am so glad I'm not the only one sometimes these old memories that I have can cause me severe anxiety I have palpitations, sweats get very irritable, sometimes they can be hard to let go of and can last for days, just that one thought and its usually just the negative ones and sometimes I have a hard time letting go. I had never told anyone about because I thought I was going crazy. I find this usually happens when I have a change in my routines. It lately has not happened to often.

Sat Jul 18 2009 16:54:50 #
lioness
Member

I'm obviously not glad that people share this symptom with me but I'm glad I did the post as it seems to have helped a few people realise they aren't the only ones who have this. It has been ok with me the last few days and seems to flare up when my stress levels peak, really don't know why exactly.

Sat Jul 18 2009 23:20:48 #