OCD Action

poppyfields
Member

Hi everyone. As i'm now single, having lost my relationship due to ocd, i just wondered at what stage of getting to know anyone knew, be it male or famale, would you say it's reasonable to let them know you are an ocd sufferer? I lost a very long term marriage because of it and so not sure about being with anyone ever again and yet i don't want to give up hope and then i get to thinking but i've got ocd and how and when do i tell anyone aaaaargh help what do you think? Pops

Thu Apr 22 2010 18:09:24 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Pops,

Sorry but not qualified to answer as I'm one of the 'great unloved'

Having said that I would think before he gets into trouble by committing the cardinal sin of contaminating the floor by walking across it Seriously I really don't know - sorry

Thu Apr 22 2010 18:30:20 #
Unregistered

I really really can't say, sorry Pops, since being diagnosed I'm too scared to even try a relationship AT ALL with a guy now.
If I was going to try I reckon with the kind've person I am. I'd wait till I knew them quite well.

x

Thu Apr 22 2010 19:37:01 #
thelazypick
Member

hi pops,

sorry.

i really don't know for sure, either. but if i was to be in a relationship, i doubt i'd tell that i've got ocd.

Fri Apr 23 2010 2:09:24 #
poppyfields
Member

Thanks everyone. It got me thinking when i read an article about the rules on displaying your ocd on job applications and thought it's much the same when you get to know someone knew it's kind of like an interview in a way, so how much do you tell and when. We all know how difficult it is for non ocd'ers to understand and so i think i will go with get to know them first and keep quiet about the quirks!!!!! Pops

Fri Apr 23 2010 8:14:22 #
sanchez
Member

i would imagine that honesty is the best policy as hiding ocd can worsen the symptoms, if the person is serious about you and has true feelings then they should understand, if not then maybe they are not the right person to have a relationship with

Fri Apr 23 2010 10:03:20 #
Unregistered

Hi Poppy, today at the job centre, my OCD was mentioned alot on the forms I had to fill in. So I can see your point. I'd personally wanna really get to know them then maybe tell them. It's like Sanchez said..... if they're worth it they'll understand

Fri Apr 23 2010 12:33:04 #
Unregistered

I agree with Sanchez about being honest, if the person is worth being with they will understand. And yet… I don’t agree!!!

Honesty has cost me jobs and friendships. I have three friends with OCD who have professional jobs where mental health problems should be declared. All know that if they let their bosses know, they are likely to be out of work.

When it comes to relationships it’s as difficult. My husband does not understand some of my obsessions at all, and while I feel I would have told him about my illness, when we met, if I had realized what was wrong with me (I was very ill with OCD as a child, but thought it was all behind me) I doubt he would have stayed with me. My children would never have been born. My grandchildren would not exist. So, would it have been wrong to have kept it from him? He has learned more and more about my symptoms, gradually, and he can handle most of them now (some I will never divulge because a few of my intrusive thoughts he will never understand or tolerate!). He would not have been able to cope if I had ‘come clean’ at the beginning of our relationship. And yet, I cannot lie, and I believe honesty is so important, both in a relationship and a friendship. If he asked me what bizarre thoughts I have I would have to say, but that’s not likely to happen.

Shame on me, but I must be truthful, if a person told me he or she had OCD and their obsession was a fear that they would molest a child, I would have steered clear of them. Not now, because I have more knowledge about this obsession and other symptoms. But, I know people with OCD who would still avoid even a friendship with a fellow sufferer with certain symptoms.

Basically, Pops, this reply is totally useless. Sorry, but good luck with whatever you decide. If someone loves you enough they will stay, but love is not always instant, it often takes time to grow. If too much is said at the start of a relationship, it possibly won’t have the chance to develop.

Fri Apr 23 2010 13:53:17 #
Unregistered

Pops, Just realized the example I gave could have been misconstrued. I was not meaning to imply what your particular obsessions are, just giving an example of how intolerant I once was.

Fri Apr 23 2010 14:45:04 #
poppyfields
Member

Thanks Guys for all your input. I haven't got anyone in mind to tell or may never have. It just crossed my mind because when i got to know my long term husband i wasn't aware that i had it or was going to be diagnosed with it many years later so it wasn't an issue. This time, i have to decide which way to go, if another relationship ever turns up. I'm an honest person and hate to think of not telling at the outset and yet if everyone runs at the mention of it, how is anyone ever going to get to know me for the person that I am despite the ocd?! Same with new female friends. I started a new job and decided just to be honest and mention it if it came up which i did and they are all brilliant even if they haven't got the foggiest but then i'm not in a relationship with them lol Maybe i've just answered my own question there, mention it, if it comes up for any reason and not deliberately hide it or confess it either....... Thanks for all the input Pops

Fri Apr 23 2010 16:20:04 #