OCD Action

Nicx
Member

Hi all.

Feeling really sad and down. Does anyone get treated different cause of there OCD. People feel like they can tell me what to do all the time and control me, because I am quite I won't tell people to leave me alone so they just carry on telling me what to do all the time. I have been married now for just under 3 months and even my husband is like it. I find it hard to be myself cause feel I have to do what everyone else wants me to do. If I do anything I get asked what am I doing that for but the minute I show any interest in what my husband is doing I get told I am being noisy and asking to many questions, so now I don't say anything and sit here quite all the time. I find it hard as with me OCD I ask questions to find out what is going on cause I need to know and I get told I am doing his head in and he will move out. Please help.

Nicola xx

Thu Oct 15 2009 12:52:23 #
OCDLONELY
Member

Hi Nicola,

I'm sorry you're feeling sad and down. It's so horrible to be treated so differently be people just because we have OCD. I think it's the same with any mental health condition really? People should not be telling you what to do all the time and your opinion and your needs are just as important as anyone else's! I get this kind of response all the time myself and it just makes me angry! I'm sorry you get this from your husband as he should be there to support you and not cause you more anxiety and stress by either ignoring your need to ask questions and seek reassurance and then with saying he will move out. I'm sure he finds it hard and difficult and seeing you in distress must upset him? I hope things change for you and I'm sorry you are going through this! Please take care and I hope you get some more responses that can help more than myself?

Daniel

Thu Oct 15 2009 13:14:22 #
Unregistered

Dear Nicola, I think it's a sad fact of life that those of us who are quiet and unassuming are treated in a certain way. I still can't understand why, but it has been proven to me time and time again. It's not necessarily our OCD, because some with OCD are very assertive and would not tolerate being spoken to badly. However, many of us are quiet and have low self-esteem.

An English teacher reprimanded me once for doing a classmate a favour. She told me I allowed people to use me and I acted like a doormat. She added that all through my life people would use me and disrespect me. I was shocked by her outburst and it took me several years to realize she was right. The problem is that we are not likely to be able to change others, so we have to try and change ourselves, by being more assertive.

By what you have said, it sounds as though your husband behaves in a similar way to mine. I think part of the problem is that we do ask questions, because we are born worriers, and most men feel we are questioning their ability to do things. My father was used to my questions (because I've been asking them since the age of about three!) and would make light-hearted remarks about them. My husband should realize by now (we've been together almost 30 years) it's my OCD that causes me to doubt and question, and I've even told him I trust him far more than I trust myself. My husband has said the exact same words that your husband has. Apparently I also 'do his head in'. He has threatened to move out more times than I can remember. Can you talk to your husband? That may sound daft, but I can't mine, he becomes defensive and will never hold a serious conversation. He even lost his temper with my psychiatrist, many years ago. If your husband is the kind of man who will talk about how he feels calmly and in turn listen to how things are affecting you, that will help. Friends advise me to talk to my husband. I tell them it's impossible!

The trouble is, Nicola, no-one (other than a fellow sufferer) can understand what's going on in our heads!

Tricia x

Thu Oct 15 2009 13:33:31 #
Nicx
Member

Hi.

Thank you, Yes I can't really talk to my husband as he thinks you should just get on with it and don't let problems bother you, which is easier said than done. I wish I could stand up for myself more but I have been like it from a child and I am now 30, so its hard to change. perhaps I would be better off on my own then I wouldn't have to bother anyone around me.

Nicola xx

Thu Oct 15 2009 14:40:25 #
Parvez Choudhry
Member

Hi Nicola

I'm very sorry you are in this predicament. I hope your husband will come to recognise that coping with OCD isn't as easy as just getting on with it and not letting it bother you. Since it's difficult to talk to him about it, could leave a few pamphlets about OCD lying around the house where he will 'accidentally' find them and pick them up to browse. It might be the start of changing his understanding about mental illness and make him more sensitive to you?

I'm a very quiet and shy person. As part of my job I sometimes have to deal firmly with clients & co-workers and not let them walk over me and treat me like a doormat. To help me overcome my natural passivity, my employer arranged an assertiveness training seminar for me and a few like-minded colleagues. I found this helped me to be more self-confident and assertive when required. In many situations it's just a case of knowing some general techniques of what to say, how to say it, and how to use body language to increase your persuasiveness. Maybe you could read a good self-help book about assertiveness?

Anyway, I hope things at home will improve for you, and good luck with your floristry course. Are you planning to run your own florist shop one day?

Parvez

Fri Oct 16 2009 12:53:51 #