OCD Action

OCDLONELY
Member

I don't know really how to describe the way I am feeling now but lost and numb come close. My day is filled with fear from the moment I wake till I go to sleep at night. I have so many rituals and compulsions and whatever I do to try and ease my fear makes things worse. I try to keep occupied mainly by t.v and sometimes I watch a movie but the fear and worries are always there. I have no structure to my days and they just come and go and I'm left feeling lost and numb. I so want to live my life but I feel so trapped. I don't know if any of this makes sense I just needed to vent a bit. Take care everyone

Tue Jul 15 2008 19:20:29 #
brennie
Member

Daniel, i know how difficult your life is and it sounds unbearable for you, i really hope that you decide to take up the opportunity of the hospital expertise when offered to you.
Have you got your date yet for having a look round the Bethlam ? you will be impressed it does'nt feel like a hospital at all and dont forget everybody there is there for the same reason as you.
You are not alone with your feelings of lost and numb , its horrible i know !
Thinking about you Dan

lots of love brennie x

Tue Jul 15 2008 22:57:32 #
bordergirl
Member

Hi Daniel

I have felt the numb disassociated feelings and it is truly awful. I had it at christmas and it was horrific every moment was filled with fear. It does get better it always does, sometimes it doesnt rear its head for months. I found help in exercise and getting out and about, it was the hardest thing to do but it helped me enormously. We have to try when physically possible to push our boundries. You will improve and your days will become enjoyable again. Thinking of you.

Bordergirlxx

Wed Jul 16 2008 11:13:00 #
Unregistered

Dear Daniel, What you wrote all made perfect sense. I wish we could take Bordergirl's advice, both of us would be helped immensely by enjoyable physical activity (if only it were 'clean', like you I panic now just stepping onto a pavement). When my OCD was solely intrusive thoughts, the one time I got relief was walking (or running) in the countryside with my dogs! Other than during exercise my thoughts were continual with no let-up. When the OCD changed to contamination fears, just like yours, I became trapped and it seemed that my one escape route was closed to me. It's so hard when we are afraid of even a breeze. I don't know the answer, Daniel. Maybe we both could go to the Bethlem with Bren?!

Love, Tricia x

Wed Jul 16 2008 14:20:59 #
brennie
Member

Tricia, Daniel, would'nt it be good if we could be in the Bethlam together, we could be of great support to each other seeing as we know each other really well ... thanks to this forum bringing us together.
love brennie x

Thu Jul 17 2008 0:39:09 #
swan
Member

Hi,
I get the dissasciated feelings too. I read up on it few months ago because no one seemed to understand wha hadbeen happening, and got a name for it i always panic when it happens because at 16 i had it continuosly for a year. Rembering that time can bring it on. Now i reassure myself its depersonalisation. I have also realised that watching films sets off my ocd and have to be careful what i watch.

Thu Jul 17 2008 6:10:29 #