OCD Action

tizzkins
Member

Hi all i really dont know how i feel at the moment i am driving myself mad. On the 31st december 2011 i gave up alcohol but i only managed to get to 19th January 2012. I have lost count of how many times i have said i will give up the vodka and believe you me i do try but its not easy. Last night i had vodka and coke and got the normal feeling that somehow some vodka and coke got onto my sofa my hand was a bit damp i must admit. My elderly father is coming on monday and i am so worried that some vodka could somehow find its way from my sofa to his system and it will make him drowsy and crash the car. Please tell me iam being totally irrantional and out of order. I mean how on earth could something like this happen. Why oh why cant i see it or if i can see it why cant i believe it. I cannot cope any longer sometimes as you know i have had what can only be seen as progress then literally days later i am at my wits end with yet another dilemma.

Yes i know the easy answer is to give up the booze but i have tried and after this incident will continue to try to even just consume less than in January last year which i believe i have already done. I know a lot of people will think i am on the wrong website but the ocd is just as bad as the vodka if not worse.

Please believe me when i say this has been a very hard post to write as i am consumed with guilt about my thoughts and i just cant cope with the ocd.

Having said all of this i really do hope that other friends on the group are coping better than me.

Love always to you all Liz xx

Sat Jan 21 2012 22:53:51 #
blueboy
Member

Hello Liz,
sorry to hear of your latest worry... i can relate to the drink issue... i am always falling in and out of promises about drink... its a tough one... i had 4 sp brew this weekend... simply to quell my miserable existence... my sleep pattern is wrecked... i sleep all day and up all night... i had a weep today because this is a dark world... lonely...i cant go on much longer in this way.... not sure if it the sertraline or my s.a.d. or combination... i usualy get the s.a.d but this year its been horrendous.. im scared to go to bed... all i ever get done is some cooking ... really i think that the vodka could not reach your father's system...if such was the case my dog wud be drunk so much ... i know how ocd gets you though... not sure if good idea to avoid the issue... but can you put a throw over the settee? not much help i know ... i have had similar things... for instance recently i dreamed of my fiancee in south america.. and that he approached me with a book with a skull on the cover and i know that he was going on a bus trip to the mountains.. and he had told me some days b4 that a bus had careered into two cops on motorcycles .. killing both.. and so my ocd played up and i asked him not to do that trip.... but i forgot and sometime later i asked how was the trip? and he sent me a little movie of it.... all was well... you will get through it liz.. thinking of you..PAUL

Sun Jan 22 2012 6:26:52 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Liz,
My elderly father is coming on monday and i am so worried that some vodka could somehow find its way from my sofa to his system and it will make him drowsy and crash the car.
The answer is a resounding no. Were it the case that it could get into the system via the skin then there wouldn't be anyone in the NHS fit to practise or drive to or from work as they rub alcohol on their hands many times a day (at least they should be if following Infection Control rules). It would also need to be damp to transfer and by Monday it will be dry so couldn't possibly transfer.

As several of us have said before you need to get help with your alcohol problem, aside from the risks to your physical health it obviously makes your OCD worse. You'll never sort the OCD if you don't.
You've said before that you don't have a problem with alcohol but if you can't give it up especially for the sake of your health both physical and mental then you do have a problem that needs addressing. There's no shame in it - it's an illness the same as any other.

You owe it to yourself to get help so that you can once again enjoy life and not be continually dogged by these fears. How about doing some voluntary work whilst you're not employed? You'd get to meet others, especially useful as you've just moved house and it would help to boost your confidence and self-esteem both of which appear to be low at the moment.

You really shouldn't be taking the Propanolol if you're drinking again. Propanolol lowers the blood pressure and if you combine it with alcohol it can lower it even further causing serious problems. I'm surprised that your GP prescribed it with your history or did you not tell him?

Hi Paul,

You too really need to get some professional help with your drinking. Drinking as much Special Brew as you do in one go is having a serious impact on both your physical and mental health especially combined with medication. You say that you're careful with what you eat and only eat organic foods and then you ingest large quantities of a highly toxic substance - I don't understand.
my sleep pattern is wrecked... i sleep all day and up all night... i had a weep today because this is a dark world... lonely...i cant go on much longer in this way.... not sure if it the sertraline or my s.a.d. or combination.
It's a lonely dark world because you're asleep during the hours of daylight when others are awake. Your SAD will be worse as you never experience any daylight.

You put some links on a previous thread showing some of your photographs and you said that you enjoyed photography.
This is a golden opportunity for you - you could join a local photography club. It would give you a reason to get up and get out of the house, you'd be meeting others with a similar interest and could make new friends, you could develop your talents and who knows where that would lead. Having an interest that you can share with others would help your depression and would also boost your confidence and you'd have to be up during the day to take the photographs. Make that your new years resolution to join a photography club.

Sun Jan 22 2012 10:49:18 #
Cuthbert ffoliott
Moderator

Hi Liz -

Trudy is right. Moreover: there is no alcohol on your sofa any more. Why? Because it can't be. Even if the sofa is still a bit moist, there can't be alcohol there - it has totally evaporated. Alcohol is volatile, and should you pour some pure (100%) alcohol on your carpet, it wouldn't be there any more after, say, ten minutes or so. Compare it to a glass of beer someone forgot for some reason: after a certain time, it's totally gone stale, mainly because all alcohol evaporated from it.

About the use of alcohol: I don't know how much you drink. I get the idea that you drink out of a need to self-medicate. That can happen. Should you drink very moderately, then it's not helpful to make the use of alcohol an obsession in itself. That may lead to a severe increase in feelings of guilt, and failing to quit it entirely will really trouble you (because every glass is seen as a terrible and shameful relapse).

So: if you are drinking within the boundaries set by medical science (2 normal glasses a day, with preferably two alcohol-free days a week, for a woman), then I would say: not much of a problem, no need for guilt, nor for total abstinence (because as I said, in the latter case, you will experience every transgression of it, i.e. one glass on one evening, as misdemeanour and something to feel terribly guilty about - your OCD will get worse for that, and it's not necessary).

However, I must stress this: if you overstep those boundaries I mentioned considerably, and on a regular basis, then my advice is indeed: to seek help, to overcome the overuse of alcohol - it will become dangerous in itself, and it will interfere with your medication, as Trudy said.

Hi Trudy -

I think your advice to Paul is an excellent one. It is good that Paul is so honest about his lifestyle and diurnal rhythm. As far as I can see, you, Paul, are really suffering from a considerable disruption of normal living patterns. I cannot really assess in how far alcohol is to blame, but I have been in the same situation as you are now, and OCD was the cause of all of that. From my own experience I know that much alcohol is a wrecking ball for sound sleep. For some time, drinking can induce a nice sleep, if taken in moderation. But after a while, the amount needed increases, and the next step is that one's required sleep is disturbed (e.g.: deep sleep, REM sleep, and dreaming all are under attack, what remains is a pattern of very light and brief episodes of sleep, combined with feelings of depression and sadness, and shame in the pauses between short sleeps). I am certain that in turn social anxieties are fired up, because of this. Feelings of being insecure, shyness, come up during the time one's awake.

If I may be so bold as to offer advice: try to promise yourself to not drink for two weeks. Go to bed at 11 PM, regardless of how you feel. Set the alarm at 7 AM and get out of bed, again, regardless of how you feel. Observe a normal pattern of eating (breakfast, lunch, diner). Drink cold, carbonated mineral water. And try to continue this for those 14 days. I can predict two things: one is that the first days awake in broad daylight are awful. Time just doesn't seem to pass. Perhaps you'll feel like you'll fall asleep standing upright, lots of times. But my second prediction: after four to five days you'll experience new things, like: sleeping at night, and having more energy at daytime. Really, that will happen.

It's not easy (I know, and I failed in doing the above numerous times, before I succeeded finally - and I am so happy about it).

Please don't see this as moralising. It's honest advice from someone who was there. And, funny thing: I got into photograpy, eventually (apart from playing the guitar).

Hope this is of some help, best, from Cuthbert.

Sun Jan 22 2012 13:36:02 #
BT
Member

Paul, I’ve said this before and I know Trudy has also (including in this thread) but you really can’t expect to feel better until you experience some daylight. I didn’t realise you have a dog, do you only exercise him at night? He also would benefit from long walks in the sunlight. Even this time of year we do have beautiful days. But, even a dull day is preferable to a dark night and fresh air is also so beneficial. I would go mad if I didn’t get exercise and daylight. No wonder you feel so desperately depressed and alone.

As Cuthbert said, it will be very tough. I suggested setting your alarm, a few months ago. You won’t find it easy to force yourself to get up when it goes off, but it’s the only way to emerge from this terrible dark tunnel.

Mon Jan 23 2012 12:20:14 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi everyone... Paul I hope you feel a lot better soon, you too Liz. We beat ourselves up so much, and yet we can't harm anyone with things like alcohol... sounds good coming from me, When I worry the same... I think our OCD has some marked similarities... I worry about a catheter leaking, yet it doesn't, I worry about people getting food poisoning from my cooking, but they don't... No body in my family worries like I do... It isn't easy is it?
Wannabe

Mon Jan 23 2012 19:46:46 #