OCD Action

ocd_sufferer
Member

Hi all

I am an OCD sufferer and have been for several years. I have been undertaking CBT which has come on leaps and bounds. My OCD is checking. My therapist has linked it back to when my brother and I were abused as children. I am over that, I have an amazing girlfriend and a great job which I just keep getting better at.

Although my checking has reduced drastically over the last 6 months, I have now adapted Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) which is apparantly quite common in OCD sufferers. In a nutshell, I spend my life trying to better myself, trying to do other things as I feel that if I don't, I am a failure.

I am so mentally drained lately and I am so fed up of fighting my thoughts. Having to think about what my thoughts are thinkin....

My girlfriend is so supportive but it is causing issues between the two of us as I am so wrapped up in myself, I am not seeing the more 'important' things in life and I am not there for her as I should be even though I feel as though I am.

Lately, I have just wanted to give up, not in a suicidle way, but to give up fighting it. I am so tired of my thoughts, the 'nagging wife' inside my head. The thinking of what my thoughts mean. I am so fed up, furious in fact that I just want to curl up and stop fighting it. I want to sleep, I want to live life to the full, take risks and not think too much into it but I can't

Reading this over makes sense to me, and hopefully to somone out there too. Sorry for the essay, although I felt I needed to rant. I just want to talk to people who actually KNOW what I am feeling rather than people who think they do. I want to be able to explain my feelings without then having to draw a diagram and get frustrated when they don't understand. Anyway.....aggghhhhh

Tom

Mon Jan 30 2012 23:01:50 #
slogsweep
Member

Hello,

As a prolific checker myself I can relate to how exhausting it is fighting it. It's not the actual lack of checking is it, it's the hours upon hours of worrying afterwards. I can also relate to the feeling of OCD being too exhaustive to fight anymore.

It's times like these where I look at my girlfriend and think I'm not just doing it for me. Sometimes we can't motivate ourselves enough to go through with this long, tough journey and if I were on my own I'd be struggling big time.

Your CBT therapist shouldn't be talking about your childhood at any great length however traumatic that may have been. There are CBT guidelines on the OCD action site. If your therapist is making continuous mistakes I'd get in touch with OCD action.

Here's a picture I often post on here:
http://hope4ocd.com/overview.php

The picture of the brain scans there explains why we're so tired.

I hope you're feeling better and more motivated soon,

Good night,

Slog

Mon Jan 30 2012 23:12:08 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Tom, welcome to the forums... It isn't easy is it?
I too know the feeling of wanting to just let it all fade away, but of course, there really isn't a way of doing that, we have to plod on as best we can... You'll find that people on here understand, cos they too suffer from this demon OCD... The dark evenings don't help with the anxiety... I struggle when it gets light in the morning, cos I have to try to face another day, but I like evenings when things are shutting down for sleep... I don't get OCD in my sleep, so I end up really confused in my waking hours...
How long have you been doing CBT?
Wannabe

Mon Jan 30 2012 23:14:57 #
ocd_sufferer
Member

Hi

I have done CBT for about 7 months now, although did do a spell of it in the past which worked, but the OCD came back with a vengence. I feel as though I have come a long way as I very rarely check as much any more but I now have this nagging issue about what I should think about my thoughts.

It's annoying how no-one understands properly, I just get frustrated, and people wonder why??

I play rugby and it is a good release for me, and I love my job, and those both help me massively

How about you? How do you generally deal with it? Do you have therapy too?

Mon Jan 30 2012 23:19:25 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi there, I did therapy about two years ago, and then the OCD came back with a vengeance just as for you, and I'm waiting to restart the CBT, I hope to restart very soon, as my OCD has been really bad of late... My OCD is the contamination type...
I work with it as best I can, but it isn't easy... It has made it impossible for me to work at the mo, but I still have hope of working again...
Wannabe

Mon Jan 30 2012 23:29:29 #
Mike
Member

ocd_sufferer,

Did your therapist alter the CBT so as to focus on your new obsessions and compulsions after they changed?

Mike

Tue Jan 31 2012 0:15:13 #
ocd_sufferer
Member

Hi

Yes, we are now focusing on several other techniques. One of which is meta-cognitive therapy

Sun Feb 5 2012 10:29:41 #
Mike
Member

What's that?

Sun Feb 5 2012 21:50:47 #
Chrisu
Member

hi ocd_sufferer...

i am suffering from intrusive thought relating to harming my children... initially these thoughts were my obsession but similar to you after my CBT last year - even during my CBT other obsessions and anxieties came to the surface... it's like you write, it's the worrying about the obsessions and the thoughts, but that is what keeps them going...
i try switching techniques every-other day as my OCD seems to be an expert in adapting to my CBT and finding another way through to my head...

also can very much relate to the fact that no-one really understands how it looks like in your head and how involved one gets and how draining it is on bad days... had those kind of episodes too were i just wanted it to be over or just not to be there to fight it anymore (same as you not really suicidal, but just sooo exhausted mentally!)

i too feel the strain on my marriage, just because our battles are so hidden, inside us and the people around us just can't see with what we are dealing on a day-to-day basis...

try to sleep a lot, that really helps my head and just be kind to yourself - sport is working for me, climbing, as i totally have to focus otherwise i am off the wall - and that kind of positive adrenaline really regulates my "negative" adrenaline caused by the OCD...

good luck meanwhile and just remember, this forum is a great support platform and we all DO actually have in one way or the other the same fears and experiences as you - so you are not alone

chrisu...

Sun Feb 5 2012 22:03:42 #