OCD Action

aishah
Member

Hi All,

I've been struggling really badly with intrusive thoughts for the last few weeks and I just want it to stop, I feel at breaking point now.

I've come to the end of another round of CBT and am still struggling. I have maintained control mainly with my compulsive cleaning/ordering but that's all.
The intrusions are by far worse for me than the cleaning and just wont let up.

My head is constantly filled with horrible thoughts and leads me to confusion and not being able to function very well.

My therapist has recently told me that I know as much as him about OCD and how it works and is of the belief that I am still responding to the thoughts in some way as they should have tailed off by now but so obviously havn't.

I have recently felt like I am going mad as even crossing a road takes a huge amount of concentration for me and I have had a few near misses recently.
I can't settle to anything right now and feal hopeless.

Does anyone else have thoughts around the clock and even during the night, I would be grateful for any advise.

Many Thanks
Bridget

Mon Oct 17 2011 15:27:31 #
BT
Member

You have not failed. The therapy may have. Only have a moment, Bridget, but just wanted to say I am the same and have been told exactly the same. I don’t agree with my therapist. I am not responding in any way. Just because our brains aren’t following the therapists’ rules and expectations, doesn’t mean we are responding to the thoughts in any way! Sorry this is brief. xx

Mon Oct 17 2011 15:49:33 #
Tess
Member

BT, I agree with you entirely, sadly CBT is not the panacea it is frequently made out to be by those who have a vested interest. Yes, it can be helpful to a greater or lessor degree probably depending on the type of brain disorder which is causing the OCD. But if CBT is not producing the desired results it certainly isn't the sufferer's fault and it may not be the therapists fault either, it may just be that this type of treatment won't work for that particular person or, as in Bridget's case it may be effective for some aspects of the OCD but not all and at present no-one understands why. But when someone is suffering so badly with a disorder they didn't invite and don't want then to be made to feel a failure on top is just putting the boot in. I was a guinea pig back in the 60's and 70's for a variety of treatments which have subsequently been deemed unsuitable to treat OCD and I too felt a failure because they weren't working for me. Bridget, no way are you a failure, in fact I think you cope with admirably with the problems that life has thrown at you.

Mon Oct 17 2011 17:41:48 #
Cuthbert ffoliott
Moderator

Hi Bridget -

I was planning to add my 2 cents - but Tess phrased it so right, that I can't add much any more. Tess puts things into perspective, and is spot on regarding the relativity of the merits of CBT. Please try to make the last sentence in her post all your own. I think that if you succeed in imprinting into yourself that you haven't failed and cope admirably, you may lose quite a bit of unnecessary guilt, about it all being your own fault. None of us asked for OCD, it presented itself.

I am very much with you in spirit, and I'll say a prayer for you.

All the very best, Cuthbert.

Mon Oct 17 2011 17:52:59 #
Tellerina
Member

I agree with Tess. I "maxed out" the limitations of CBT therapy, too- and I honestly did try my very best. I cannot tolerate meds physically, either. They need to start coming up with something new and improved to treat OCD. Today's options don't seem to work for everybody.

Mon Oct 17 2011 17:59:49 #
Tess
Member

Thanks everyone, I must admit I sometimes post my views with bated breath because I know they may appear negative to some people, or court controversy so it's really nice to have others agreeing. As I said above I think CBT is ideal for a lot people but sadly with some it can take on a persona of it's own and become part of the OCD or even worse it can release some of the OCD compulsions only to result in the OCD morphing into something which is even more debilitating. I think both sufferers and therapists need to be aware and guard against this happening and if someone as Tellerina so aptly puts it has "maxed out" on CBT then other solutions need to be considered - and in my opinion these might just have to include - horror of horrors - a partial reliance on avoidance or reassurance in order for the sufferer to have a quailty of life. This is the stage I have reached in my own 'recovery' and for me it is vastly better than a lifetime fighting with anxiety caused by constantly challenging every tiny aspect of my OCD.
I have witnessed huge improvements in both the treatments for OCD and the prognosis for sufferers over the last 40 years and there is every reason to hope that this progress will continue but for the moment we are only part way there and we have to make the best of our lives in whatever way we can.

Tue Oct 18 2011 10:22:33 #
Allison
Member

Just wanted to add thank god for you guys and this website.Sat here sobbing as I've been struggling like hell the last two weeks and feel such a failure. Tess really pleased you keep posting as I truly understand your point of view and find your advice very helpful. Thinking of you all

Tue Oct 18 2011 14:12:15 #
aishah
Member

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your replies, I always find it comforting to know I am not on my own.

One thing I did notice was that when I started intense therapy nearly two years ago, and seriously tackled my cleaning compulsions, thats when the intrusive thoughts became much much worse and have remained so ever since.

I used to clean and order the best part of the day every day for probably two decades and was thrilled to gain some control over it at long last. Obviously the cleaning was masking the intrusive thoughts as I was never able to put into words what they were, I just knew they were there, until I started therapy.

I think I would rather clean than go through this hell every day. I have been cleaning more the last couple of days due to high anxiety but have tried to resist the urges at times so it doesnt get out of control again.

I guess a happy medium would be great.

Thanks again for all your support, it helps.

Bridget

Tue Oct 18 2011 18:10:22 #
BT
Member

I’m in a rush as usual, but just wanted to say that I don’t think this is uncommon and I wonder how many therapists are aware of this happening. I have two friends who have pretty much overcome their cleaning compulsions and have found intrusive thoughts, which were not such a problem when the contamination fears had a hold, are now absolutely awful.

Wed Oct 19 2011 13:06:02 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi everyone, I wonder too... I've had CBT in the past, but after a short period of things being great, I've again fallen in to the deep pit of intrusive thoughts, washing my hands way too much, giving in and getting towels soaking wet with over-use. I've just upped my meds, and also try to eat a reasonable amount during the day, and drink lots of decaff tea and decaff coffee... With me it is all about contamination fears, but I do try... Nighttimes aren't too bad, it is the waking up that I find awful... The realisation that I have another day to fight through... Thing is, we aren't alone on here, so keep posting everyone!
wannabe

Wed Oct 19 2011 19:09:29 #
Tess
Member

Hi Wannabe
I know exactly what you mean about towels getting soaking wet, Ours have to go in the washing machine every day and they also develop stained areas where they get most use. I know decaff tea and coffee is preferable to drinking lots of caffeine and it's important to keep up our fluid intake but it might be worth trying a variety of types of drink instead of all tea and coffee, for example fruit juice, herbal tea, spring water - or even just tap water if finances are tight. I'm a big believer in moderation and variety.

Thu Oct 20 2011 10:10:20 #
aishah
Member

Hi Tess,

I'm thinking of drinking decaff tea and coffee as I wonder sometimes if drinking too much contributes to increased anxiety. I drink two coffees a day and probably 5-6 cups of tea a day so I will see if there is any improvement.

My worst problem is intrusive thoughts and brain function in general. I get so muddled and mixed up all the time, it feels a bit like a permanent hangover with a radio constantly playing in my head, or a broken record playing over and over again the same old song.

Anyway thanks all for your replies

Take care
Bridget

Thu Oct 20 2011 16:46:23 #
aishah
Member

Hi All,

I,ve given in to the cleaning compulsions all weekend, I,ve been up and down like a yo-yo. Another problem I have battled with is staying at home for a whole day, I have achieved this only once since xmas day last year.

I know if I stay in I will be on the go all day so always take myself away from the situation and go out. I have been very anxious all day and when I havn't been cleaning I have been mentally planning it.

I am so tired of it all and just want to be like other people I know and just chill out for the day at home but I just can't manage it.

Anyway hope everyone else is ok.

Bridget

Sun Oct 23 2011 15:49:09 #
Tess
Member

Hi Bridget
Sounds familiar to me, I always go out in the afternoons, even if it's raining, but I don't see that as necessarily a bad thing. Fresh air, exercise and an opportunity to meet other people is good therapy.

Sun Oct 23 2011 17:03:19 #
aishah
Member

Hi Tess,

I know it's good to get out and meet people, it goes a long way to keeping my mood stable. It's just the anxiety I feel when I'm at home and fighting with myself to relax and enjoy being at home that I can't stand.

A happy medium would be good of course but I don't ever seem to be able to find it, but not through want of trying.

Take Care
Bridget

Sun Oct 23 2011 18:38:03 #