OCD Action

Lauren
Member

Sometimes I worry about whether I love my boyfriend enough, or that my love isn't the same as other peoples, and I get thoughts in my head swimming around like 'what is love', 'what if i don't love him like other people do' and stuff. Does anybody else have this? I know that it is a symptom of OCD, as I have seen it on another OCD website, where they have said previous suffers

"Constantly analyse the depth of your feelings for your partner, placing your partner and the relationship under a microscope and finding fault"

this is what I've been doing recently. I know that I have OCD because my doctor diagnosed it three years ago, and I have also had the contamination, HIV and abuse worries like other sufferers so I know I am not being silly. Thanks, Lauren

Sun Aug 8 2010 9:50:59 #
poppyfields
Member

Hi Lauren, i'm a long term sufferer and was only diagnosed after a mental breakdown and the break up of my long marriage and previously had never even heard of ocd, let alone knew that i had it. Yes, yes, yes, i was always microscoping my love for my ex and until now hadn't realised this to be one of the symptoms of ocd. In one way it's a big relief to know yes i really did love him and still do but in another just adds to the cruelty of this illness, as it destroyed our relationship due to lack of knowledge. For some reason, we have to microscope ourselves, our preciseness, our reasons, our thoughts, our 'everything' so much it becomes impossible to know what we're really thinking and feeling. I'm sure you love your boyfriend no less than anyone else out there who hasn't got ocd, only they may have the thought once in a while and just dismiss it - something we find extremely hard to do. Once a thought comes into 'our' heads, it's all systems go for analysis and so on and so on. My ocd is mostly contamination and after living with ocd in control for so many years, i now find it hard to know just how to clean, how to wash, how and when and what level of cleanliness is it ok to live with - it's crap cos what others take for granted, we have to struggle to do each and every hour. Get your feelings out it sure helps.........Pops

Sun Aug 8 2010 10:09:36 #
Lauren
Member

I'm really sorry you are suffering with the contamination fear, perhaps if you try small things like if you make a few crumbs, try as hard as you can to leave them, even for half an hour, to see that nothing bad will happen. Does that make sense? I hope that helps, obviously it is easier for me to say but that's what I'd try and do. Even if it's just once you may feel better to see that nothing is going to happen if you break that cycle. I don't want to sound like I am saying it is easy to overcome because I know it is isn't and I really feel for you.

It seems like I always have one thing after another in my head, and I know that there are people out there with it so much worse than me. Sometimes when I write on here I worry I seem like I have trivial thoughts. I have obsessed about all sorts, like diseases, hurting somebody, running somebody over in my car by accident, not locking doors, gas hobs being left on, cheating, abuse, and now this! I don't understand why I have this swimming in my head. It's like a swarm of flies, the voices are all buzzing, saying "do you love him as much as that person" and "what if you don't, how do you know?". My boyfriend of 16 months says he knows I do by the way I act with him and is supportive of me. It's like I analyse everything in my life, pick away at it, the words "what if" ringing in my ears, I feel so distraught sometimes x

Sun Aug 8 2010 12:33:41 #
stus
Member

Hi

I haven't read all the posts here but i think this is all to do with ocd confidence and how it makes me not trust my own judgments any more.

I split with ex couple years ago and ocd really did not help me although she tried to understand.

OCD for me has knocked my self belief into touch.....

Fri Aug 13 2010 20:52:59 #