OCD Action

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I have mentioned that I am doing a course in healing. The tutor is a lovely lady who has been giving me healing for my OCD. Several physical problems (which I hadn't even mentioned) have cleared up, but so far the OCD is much the same. I have probably been too open about how much fear I feel, because the tutor (during the healing course) told me that no-one would realize how afraid and stressed I am.

However, last week, I went to her for another healing session and I came away feeling devastated. She said there is no way she can recommend me as a healer because of my OCD. She said we need to be free of emotional problems and fear in order to heal. Although she is a very knowledgeable lady, I actually feel she is wrong over this. I was tempted to send her an e-mail and say I won't be attending any more of the course (she's allowing me to finish the course, but what's the point if I can't be of use at the end of it) but then I thought I am determined enough and I will prove her wrong. The trouble is, this is not something you really can âprove' and she is adamant that someone with severe OCD is not fit to heal. She, as my tutor, can prevent me from practising and I'm not sure there is anything I can do about it.

If I had just booked a place on the course and never gone to her for help with my OCD she'd have been none the wiser and would have allowed me to continue.

One other thing that's been bothering me. In a book on healing, I read that fear is the opposite to love. As you can imagine this really bnothered me, although deep down I knew it wasn't true. I spoke to my tutor about that and she said I am taking it the wrong way, it's just that at the moment my fears are greater than any love I have. Actually, I don't agree with that either and her words haven't made me feel any better about the original statement!!

Does anyone have any views, please?

Mon May 19 2008 10:03:46 #
anxiousgal
Member

[quote="Tricia":2n3g3fw4]I have mentioned that I am doing a course in healing. The tutor is a lovely lady who has been giving me healing for my OCD. Several physical problems (which I hadn't even mentioned) have cleared up, but so far the OCD is much the same. I have probably been too open about how much fear I feel, because the tutor (during the healing course) told me that no-one would realize how afraid and stressed I am.

However, last week, I went to her for another healing session and I came away feeling devastated. She said there is no way she can recommend me as a healer because of my OCD. She said we need to be free of emotional problems and fear in order to heal. Although she is a very knowledgeable lady, I actually feel she is wrong over this. I was tempted to send her an e-mail and say I won't be attending any more of the course (she's allowing me to finish the course, but what's the point if I can't be of use at the end of it) but then I thought I am determined enough and I will prove her wrong. The trouble is, this is not something you really can âprove' and she is adamant that someone with severe OCD is not fit to heal. She, as my tutor, can prevent me from practising and I'm not sure there is anything I can do about it.

If I had just booked a place on the course and never gone to her for help with my OCD she'd have been none the wiser and would have allowed me to continue.

One other thing that's been bothering me. In a book on healing, I read that fear is the opposite to love. As you can imagine this really bnothered me, although deep down I knew it wasn't true. I spoke to my tutor about that and she said I am taking it the wrong way, it's just that at the moment my fears are greater than any love I have. Actually, I don't agree with that either and her words haven't made me feel any better about the original statement!!

Does anyone have any views, please?

Hi Tricia!

That is awful that the tutor said that! It shouldn't make a difference to your ability to heal as long as you are doing the work like you are meant to! I don't agree that fear is the opposite to love either, I think hate is the opposite to love.I am so soory to hear that this has happened! I think the course was helping your OCD in a way because you were getting out of the house and learning stuff. I can't believe the tutor has kinda turned on you like this! It seems strange to me to be honest.It sound sliek she is judging you on your OCD a bit harshly.Perhaps she is going through a bad patch herself?

Luv Natasha

Mon May 19 2008 10:18:30 #
Jerama
Member

Hi Tricia,

I don't think this person is right. Quite clearly she does not understand OCD - that in itself is quite understandable, because how can you understand what it is unless you have it or are very close to someone who has, and that is probably the basis of the problem. I don't think it is outright discrimination, just ignorance. However, being ignorant of the facts of OCD and its' different effect on different individuals could lead to an inadvertant prejudiced view and prejudiced actions.

I agree with you and I would fight this all the way. It may be worth looking at the details of the Disability Discrimination Act (DDA), which covers discrimination relating to mental health issues, as it may be appropriate for her to recieve some guidance. Another source of help may be OCD Action as I know they have a legal representative on the executive committee. There is a thread on here about the DDA.

People who have OCD are usually very understanding people and I think that that may ake them very suitable to become healers.

Jerama

Mon May 19 2008 10:22:44 #
brennie
Member

Tricia, you know my feelings on this subject, i would just like to remind you that Elizabeth does not know you as i / we do, you will make a fantastic healer because you will put everything you have into doing this healing work, you are one of the most loving, careing people that i know , and this work will suit you down to the ground because its what you do best HELPING OTHERS, dont give in to her Tricia she is not aware of your great potential .... belive in yourself you CAN do this work, and be the greatest at it because of that inner strength that you have. ( we can be strong when we know others are dependent on us ) .

p.s. i am a little better today Tricia
love brennie x

Mon May 19 2008 15:55:48 #
Unregistered

Thank you, Natasha, Jerama and Bren,

I am going to continue, I suppose I can take it higher, if I am unable to persuade Elisabeth that I am fit to do this. I am going to do whatever it takes, maybe that in itself will prove to her that I am not the wreck she imagines me to be. As Jerama said, she does not understand OCD and I do realize that that is understandable. I am not upset with her, she is just ignorant of certain issues, maybe I can help to enlighten her?! Certainly if I quit now it will do nothing for me or for the opinion she has of OCD sufferers.

Natasha, maybe I can even help her to understand that fear is not the opposite of love. As one friend said to me, it's like saying an apple is the opposite of an orange! I have been reading the book I have on healing and the Spiritualist views are not all ones I agree with (I don't need to become a Spiritualist as the healing is non-denominational). It states that you cannot heal someone you don't like and you cannot heal anything you fear (I suppose that's what Elisabeth is basing her opinions on). I don't agree with either statement. I have nursed people who were very 'difficult' and it made no difference to how I cared for them. I don't think healing is any different. In fact with past patients I found that their attitudes often changed when they realized that snapping at me didn't change the way I treated them. Most people are likeable if you make the effort with them. I think a nurse/doctor/healer should be able to put personal differences aside and just concentrate on helping the person in need. That's my view on it anyway. As for fear, I can put that aside when necessary, too, it comes back later, but in crisis situations I have always coped.

Bren, I am so glad that you have been doing a little better. Do let us know how you are today. I will try to believe in myself, but knowing how you and others here believe in me has given me more strength to challenge this. Thank you!

Love, Tricia x

P.S. I think the thing that's been bugging me the most is that when we started the course Elisabeth stated that anyone can be a healer. It now seems that she should have said 'anyone but Tricia'. For a while I felt like some kind of low-life!

Tue May 20 2008 10:49:08 #
Unregistered

P.P.S. I've just lost a friend of 20 years because she believes that healing people means collaborating with the devil. I'm beginning to wish I had never bothered! Still waking every day in a deep depression, listening to Elisabeth's words in my head. Fear is the opposite of love etc. Another friend (who has OCD) has said that of course fear is the opposite of love. As Terry Wogan might say 'Is it me?!' I really don't know any more.

Thu May 22 2008 8:55:51 #
brennie
Member

Tricia, what wrong with your friend , if she is a true friend she would realise that the work you wish to do is GOOD work surely after 20 years she knows what a good person you are !
I understand why its making you feel negative , when people give us there opinions that our different from our own it makes us believe we must be wrong then !! but please believe me Tricia you want to do this work because you are a good person and you are willing to help mothers even though at times you are not well enough , but because of your good nature you will try to put your feelings to one side " and why " because of the love of others.
You know this is nothing to do with devils work .... thats pathetic ! on the contrary healing is GOOD work , thats the reason and only reason you want to do it, sorry Tricia but i am annoyed your friend has messed your mind up like this
Thank you for your prayers / healing sent for me whilst i have been on holiday, its been greatly appreciated and i have coped better than i thought since i have known and felt your healing coming through for me , its been such a comfort .
THANK YOU Tricia, speak to you very soon, missed you ! you must believe in yourself and not in the opinions of others
Tricia your made of stronger stuff than that, you have to be to get to our age and STILL be survivors of OCD.

love brennie x

Thu May 22 2008 11:25:28 #
brennie
Member

P.S. sorry i ment to say others and not mothers .

brennie x

Thu May 22 2008 11:28:51 #
Unregistered

Dear Bren, I am so relieved to hear that you are coping a little better.

Don't worry, my friend hasn't made me think there is anything evil about healing, in fact I laughed when she said it, thinking she had to be joking, I told her we are no longer in the dark ages where such things are associated with witchcraft! I think most churches now encourage healing. Apparently the Jehovah's Witnesses don't, they truly believe it is the work of evil (my friend is a Witness). She once told me that I was privileged to have her as a friend because she shouldn't really have anything to do with the worldly people, whatever that means. What hurts is that I have done so much to help her (she is disabled) and she is now treating me like some kind of low-life.

I have another friend who believes healing comes from God, but man has no right to intervene and encourage healing. She is not best pleased with me either! I seem to be losing friends and facing more and more obstacles, and to what end? I'm not going to give up the healing course, but I was studying my notes yesterday, and I really do need Elisabeth's approval before I can become a member of the National Federation of Spiritual Healers. By the way, they do stress that people with emotional problems can't heal until they get over them. I don't view OCD as an emotional problem, but maybe I am wrong.

Love, Tricia x

Fri May 23 2008 9:35:50 #
anxiousgal
Member

Hi Tricia!

Even if they do classify OCD as an 'emotional' problem if they knew that when you signed up for the course you should have been told there and then that it wouldn't be suitabel for you! They have taken your money and as long as you are doing the work right you should get a certificate at the end just like everybody else I would consider talking to to citizen's advice about the matter to see what they have to say.

Luv Natasha

Fri May 23 2008 16:28:32 #
anxiousgal
Member

Tricia-your friend who thinks man shouldn't interfere with healing, do I take it she would not take medication, have surgery or any kind of medical assistance then?! From a tiny band-aid upwards man helps healing I would have thought in anycase.

Luv natasha

Fri May 23 2008 16:36:18 #
brennie
Member

Tricia, i would think that OCD is more of a mental health chemical brain disorder rather than thinking it is an emotional illness ... what do you think Tricia ..small minded people bug me , why dont they give us the same chance /right as anyone else !! after all we are the most sensible of people , o.k. we are caring/ loyal but obviously that must help in the healing secter , i dont think you would let your sentiments get too much in the way Tricia because you believe in yourself and you know you will be excellentb at this type of work, explain to Elisabeth how strong ypou feel about doing this work , tell her that her negativity in you is rather of putting, but you intend to carry on and do your best ... YOU can do this Tricia, i believe in you , try not to let Elisabeth confuse you , we are so insecure at times that we question our own abilities, prove her wrong Tricia !

love brennie x

Tue May 27 2008 2:30:21 #
Unregistered

Dear Natasha and Bren, Please read the following and tell me whether you view this as rather the opposite of Elisabeth's views that we all need to be well and free of problems in order to heal.

"What you wish to experience, provide for another. Look to see, now, what it is you wish to experience - in your own life, and in the world. Then see if there is another for whom you may be the source of that.
If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another. If you wish to know that you are safe, cause another to know that they are safe. If you wish to better understand seemingly incomprehensible things, help another to better understand. If you wish to heal your own sadness or anger, seek to heal the sadness or anger of another.
Those others are waiting for you now. They are looking to you for guidance, for help, for courage, for strength, for understanding, and for assurance at this hour. Most of all, they are looking to you for love. My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness." Dalai Lama

The irony of the above text is that it was given to me with my notes on healing by Elisabeth! Of course, I am sure she will say I am misinterpreting it. But the Dalai Lama does not say that we must heal our own problems before healing another's, quite the contrary. Or am I misreading it?!

Natasha, you are right about my friend who says that humans must not intervene with healing as it's something only God should do. Like you, I thought of surgery and other forms of medical assistance. Isn't it funny how blinkered and opinionated so many people are?! You made a very good point about Elisabeth knowing all about my OCD prior to my signing up for (and paying) for the course. She should have made it clear from the outset and saved me a lot of stress and Â£600.

Bren, I agree with you, this is a chemical disorder, and not an emotional problem. Elisabeth has known me such a short time and I don't think she understands OCD at all, she believes it is to do with emotional problems rather than having a genetic origin.

I am sure a friend meant well, when I discussed the situation with the healing, but she was quite adamant that she was right. She told me there's nothing wrong with me anyway, that my problems are ones I believe I have because psychiatrists have told me I have them. She said they are not real and that my contamination fears are no different to anyone else's. She's known me for over twenty years and seen my distress on occasion. At least she didn't share the views of two other friends (the one who believes I am disobeying God or the one who thinks I am in cahoots with the devil!).

I am going to explain to Elisabeth. I only have to wait until Saturday, so I'll let you know how things go! I just wish I didn't doubt myself so much at times like this. I'm also very depressed and that's not helping.

I may have already said this, because I am tired and confused, but this I found very, very ironic. I was first told that I should be a healer (by a group of Spiritualists) almost thirty years ago. Twenty years ago another told me I should be a healer. On both occasions I replied that I would really like to, but I needed to get over the worst of my illness first. Their reply was 'do it anyway'. I felt they were wrong, that the OCD would get in the way. Now I have come to their way of thinking and really believe I can do this, and what am I told?! Isn't life so full of irony?!! Someone somewhere is having a laugh at our expense!

Love, Tricia x

Tue May 27 2008 12:02:11 #
Hester
Member

Hi Tricia,

As an active buddhist myself, I think that you shouldn't need to be free of emotional problems and fear. If anything, these strengthen a person and make them into who they are. We can't heal people without understanding them first. It's as that quote says, if you want to experience, you have to provide for someone else first. I think that's a really good way of living. You're not misinterpreting them, and if Elisabeth says you are misinterpreting them then she should stop using this as part of the notes as she mustn't understand the meaning. Suffering is a whole within the human race and if we wish to end that suffering we must heal others of their suffering so in turn we can recieve healing for ourselves. That's the buddhist teaching.

Hester xx

Tue May 27 2008 12:46:38 #
Unregistered

Thank you so much, Hester. I didn't realize you are a Buddhist. I have to admit I have not felt completely comfortable with any religion so far, but I am really leaning towards Buddhism. Elisabeth does acknowledge that experience of suffering/trauma does make a person a better healer. She just says that you can't be suffering at the time, you have to have put any illness/suffering behind you. To be fair it isn't her view alone, it is the Spiritualist viewpoint, and I don't feel comfortable with many of their views (as I have said before, the healing course is non-denominational).

I am so relieved that you are feeling better, Hester.

Love, Tricia x

Tue May 27 2008 12:57:49 #
Hester
Member

No problem, Tricia! If the course is non-denominational then the Spiritualist views shouldn't get in the way. In buddhism, everyone is suffering all the time, so you don't have to put your suffering behind you, since that's impossible to do without healing others first (it's kamma/karma). I'm aware that sometimes people can't see past their own views, but this seems a bit wrong to me. In my opinion, you'd make a wonderful healer!

Hester xx

Tue May 27 2008 13:03:05 #
brennie
Member

Hester, you are right Tricia will make a fantastic healer if she is encouraged, it just takes this lady Elisabeth to believe in Tricia, then she will succeed in what she believes she is good at .... go for it with your determination ,courage, and strength Tricia.
love brennie x

Tue May 27 2008 20:41:35 #
anxiousgal
Member

[quote="Tricia":ziw0n2v9]Dear Natasha and Bren, Please read the following and tell me whether you view this as rather the opposite of Elisabeth's views that we all need to be well and free of problems in order to heal.

"What you wish to experience, provide for another. Look to see, now, what it is you wish to experience - in your own life, and in the world. Then see if there is another for whom you may be the source of that.
If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another. If you wish to know that you are safe, cause another to know that they are safe. If you wish to better understand seemingly incomprehensible things, help another to better understand. If you wish to heal your own sadness or anger, seek to heal the sadness or anger of another.
Those others are waiting for you now. They are looking to you for guidance, for help, for courage, for strength, for understanding, and for assurance at this hour. Most of all, they are looking to you for love. My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness." Dalai Lama

The irony of the above text is that it was given to me with my notes on healing by Elisabeth! Of course, I am sure she will say I am misinterpreting it. But the Dalai Lama does not say that we must heal our own problems before healing another's, quite the contrary. Or am I misreading it?!

Natasha, you are right about my friend who says that humans must not intervene with healing as it's something only God should do. Like you, I thought of surgery and other forms of medical assistance. Isn't it funny how blinkered and opinionated so many people are?! You made a very good point about Elisabeth knowing all about my OCD prior to my signing up for (and paying) for the course. She should have made it clear from the outset and saved me a lot of stress and Â£600.

Bren, I agree with you, this is a chemical disorder, and not an emotional problem. Elisabeth has known me such a short time and I don't think she understands OCD at all, she believes it is to do with emotional problems rather than having a genetic origin.

I am sure a friend meant well, when I discussed the situation with the healing, but she was quite adamant that she was right. She told me there's nothing wrong with me anyway, that my problems are ones I believe I have because psychiatrists have told me I have them. She said they are not real and that my contamination fears are no different to anyone else's. She's known me for over twenty years and seen my distress on occasion. At least she didn't share the views of two other friends (the one who believes I am disobeying God or the one who thinks I am in cahoots with the devil!).

I am going to explain to Elisabeth. I only have to wait until Saturday, so I'll let you know how things go! I just wish I didn't doubt myself so much at times like this. I'm also very depressed and that's not helping.

I may have already said this, because I am tired and confused, but this I found very, very ironic. I was first told that I should be a healer (by a group of Spiritualists) almost thirty years ago. Twenty years ago another told me I should be a healer. On both occasions I replied that I would really like to, but I needed to get over the worst of my illness first. Their reply was 'do it anyway'. I felt they were wrong, that the OCD would get in the way. Now I have come to their way of thinking and really believe I can do this, and what am I told?! Isn't life so full of irony?!! Someone somewhere is having a laugh at our expense!

Love, Tricia x

Hi Tricia!

I agree with the Dali Lama! I don't see why you would have to be totally problem-free to help others. Infact people who have experienced suffering and pain firsthand can often be more empathetic towards others so I would have thought it'd be an advantage rather than a setback if anything. I also honestly don't see why anybody should have to wait til they are free from problems/fears to do anything. I figure you could easy waste your life doing that as there is always something that we fear or get upset about! We're not robots!

Yes it is funny how blinkered some people are and only see what they want to see! It's a bit pious and self-righteous which unfortunately some religious types suffer from when really it is meant to be about being humble and kinda down-to-earth!

Good luck with seeing Elisabeth and perhaps ask her why did she take you on the course if it was a problem having OCD?

Luv Natasha

Tue May 27 2008 21:14:20 #
anxiousgal
Member

[quote="Tricia":si9kbqc1]Thank you so much, Hester. I didn't realize you are a Buddhist. I have to admit I have not felt completely comfortable with any religion so far, but I am really leaning towards Buddhism. Elisabeth does acknowledge that experience of suffering/trauma does make a person a better healer. She just says that you can't be suffering at the time, you have to have put any illness/suffering behind you. To be fair it isn't her view alone, it is the Spiritualist viewpoint, and I don't feel comfortable with many of their views (as I have said before, the healing course is non-denominational).

I am so relieved that you are feeling better, Hester.

Love, Tricia x

Hi Tricia!

Out of interest if you say broke your leg or something would Elisabeth view that the same? Or is it just mental or emotional problems spiritualists have a problem with?

Luv Natasha

Tue May 27 2008 21:17:39 #
Unregistered

Dear Hester, Bren and Natasha, Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. Sorry for not getting back to you before now. I have been very depressed, in pain and feeling nauseous continually. I've realized it's probably the menopause. How it will affect my OCD remains to be seen, but so far I am worse.

Elisabeth wouldn't have a problem if my leg was broken, Natasha. She believes my level of fear will inhibit the flow of healing energy. We are supposed to be free of emotional problems. We are told we need to be like a hollow bone, so that healing energy can flow through unhindered. I do see her point, I just feel I can concentrate on a person who is ill and not let OCD get in the way. My mother thought so, too, but she rarely sees me. Apparently I seem normal on the phone (which is how we communicate for months at a time). I saw my mother on Tuesday and the first thing she said was that I am a total mess, that Elisabeth is right and that there is no way I am fit to help anybody. She continued to scold me for my behaviour. She looked at me with a combination of irritation and disgust.

I just spoke to her and delicately probed as to exactly how she feels (she is easy to annoy, so I trod carefully). I asked if she was irritated by me and I added that I believed if I lived with her for a month she would find me too difficult to be around. She informed me that an hour is too much for her. I've been thinking back to how ill I was as a child and how cross she was with me all the time. I'm not sure how either of us survived it. Also, I feel so guilty, because I no longer feel any real love for her. The way she spoke to me on Tuesday, and the disgusted look on her face, it really felt like the final straw.

Love, Tricia x
P.S. I also saw Elisabeth on Tuesday, she seems to be having second thoughts, because she was watching me closely at the healing course on Saturday and I seemed to be able to give healing the same as the others. At least she was possibly having second thoughts, until I told her I was going to find it extremely difficult to touch people's shoes (we are supposed to 'ground' a patient at the end of a healing session, by holding our hands over their shoes). I can't even touch my own shoes. Elisabeth was very kind to me and far more understanding than my mother. She did say she would refund the parts of the course I haven't yet done, should I decide not to continue. I really don't know what to do. My mother's right about one thing - I am a mess, perhaps she's right to be disgusted with me.

Fri Jun 6 2008 12:22:35 #
anxiousgal
Member

Hi Tricia!

I'm sorry to hear that your mum has said some mean things about you but I hope it doesn't put you off doing the course. However I can understand your not wanting to touch people's shoes, I wouldn't want to do that myself! For some reason I am thinking of the shoe shops where they check your shoe fits like the ones I was in when when I was little! Touching shoes and feet is a job for chiropodists and shoe shop assistants! I know there is a reason for them doing it in the spiritual healing as you explained to me. I'm not sure if you would be best to take Elisabeth's offer of refunding the parts of the course you haven't done if you aren't gonna get a certificate anyway. But it is up to you if you wanna just try and complete the course you could but in some ways it seems it is causing you more stress. It's a tough one isn't it?! So what if your mum thinks you are a mess? Mothers can often say judgemental and mean things, doesn't mean it is true! I hope you feel better soon.

Luv Natasha

Fri Jun 6 2008 18:12:04 #
Hester
Member

Hi Tricia,

No one has the right to be disgusted with you. You're one of the most caring and wonderful people that I know. People have so many different parts to them, and just because one part of you is a mess right now, that doesn't give anyone, not even your mother, the right to be disgusted with you. Just because you don't love her anymore is no reason to feel guilty either. That's not your fault really. Just because you're related by blood, it doesn't mean that you have to love them.
You've helped so many people on this forum, and we wouldn't trade you for the world! You're such a special person and you've done so much for all of us on here.

Maybe you should continue with the course, since you've already done part of it? You might as well finish it, don't you think? Even if you don't become a healer straight away, you can always hang on to that qualification until you're feeling better. I have a qualification that I don't use because currently my OCD is stopping me, but I hope that I can get better enough to overcome that.

I hope you're feeling better soon, both physically and mentally.
Hester xx

Fri Jun 6 2008 18:37:48 #