OCD Action

amy
Member

I would really appreciate some helpful advice from people who have perhaps experienced what I am currently going through.

I have been suffering with OCD for some time however it has got so bad over the last few months that I just can't cope anymore and it has lead to me being off work ill.

I have been on several different medications which haven't worked and most recently I have been put on a combination of medications Sertraline, Quetiapine, Diazepam. I would say that these medications definately help me sleep better, previously I had such terrible thoughts all through the night and I definately feel better that these have reduced and enabled me to get some sleep.

These medications do not enable me however to have a normal life, I struggle to leave the house I am totally obsessed by germs and cannot stand being in close proximity to others or be near areas where others have been. This has lead to a lifestyle that can only be described as hugely repetitive, I clean, tidy, wash and change a lot of times each day, which leaves me with no spare time, I can't rest and I am on the go all the time. Sometimes the only thing that can get rid of the feeling that I am covered in germs is washing in bleach and I would say that I do this at least once a day.

I suffer with obsessive thoughts mainly about death of myself or others close to me, this causes me great anxiety and I struggle to travel in a car because I am convinced and frightened that I will jump out.

I have seen a specialist and most recently my medication has been changed, I have been diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder in addition to my existing OCD and to be quite honest my anxiety is that bad I feel like I am stood on the centre section of a motorway most of the day! My specialist has also referred me for CBT but I don't feel like I am getting any better and I am worried I will never get a handled on everything and be able to have a normal life again.

Sat Jul 10 2010 10:43:45 #
Truddles
Member

Hi amy,

Welcome to the forum

Apart from the fact that I can’t take medication because of other medical problems your post could have been written by me

But please don’t give up hope things can and will get better. It does feel as if you’re standing in the middle of a motorway. But those thoughts will go with help.

I used to be unable to go out alone partly for the reasons you gave but also I was petrified that I’d lose something important whilst I was out. Following a course of CBT (all be it only a part course) I am now able to be out alone. It’s not easy and I struggle but I can do it.

I’m not so bad now in a car and don’t continually think that I’m going to open the door and fall out. Dealing with the OCD indoors has admittedly got worse but given time my doctor says it will improve. It's annoying but I know that it will improve.

I found that the OCD completely undermined my confidence and self esteem and so the first thing I had to do was start to regain both. In order to do this I found taking ‘baby steps’ the best way forward. Make a list of your OCD problems and then put them in order of difficulty with the things that you find hardest or most frightening at the bottom of the list.

You can even break each problem down into small steps. For instance, for washing your hands you could initially start by reducing how long you take to wash them. Each time you manage to achieve your goal for that task it will boost your confidence and so help you to move onto the next task. If you can’t manage it don’t despair, just take a step back and try again.
The more ‘baby steps’ you can achieve the more your confidence will improve as will your mood.

The CBT will help you to get control over the OCD.

Whilst you’re waiting for your CBT appointment try reading ‘Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by David Veale and Rob Willson. It explains OCD and CBT and will help you to prepare for the CBT. You can also click on the orange box on the right of this page entitled ‘It’s time to know’ to access more information on OCD.

I thought that I'd never get better but slowly but surely I am, ok I have periods where everything seems hopeless but on the whole I’m getting there. I couldn’t have done it without the support of the friends that I have made on the forum. Many’s the time that I haven’t understood what the professionals have wanted me to do, but talking to people on the forum has helped me to understand. I’ve found it an invaluable tool for my recovery.

We’re a friendly forum and do our best to help and support each other. You don’t need to go through this alone.

You can always send me a PM if you need to talk, I might not be able to reply immediately though as my broadband is playing up. But I will reply.

Best wishes
Trudy

Sat Jul 10 2010 11:53:07 #
Unregistered

Dear Amy, This is how I was at the age of seven. I was constantly so frightened of germs and dying.

Have you received any CBT yet or are you still waiting?

I was cured of this obsession quite quickly (within a few weeks) after suffering severely with it for four years. I changed my way of thinking. I decided living in constant fear was no life. I also realized that despite my continual washing, eating only food I felt was clean (which meant my diet was poor) and avoiding germs wherever possible, I actually appeared to be more ill than my friends. I still recall saying to myself ‘I can’t beat germs, so I may as well join them’.

This change of thinking was not enough by itself, however. I was sent away to a boarding school because my parents couldn’t cope and my psychiatrist didn’t have a clue what to do with me (there was no CBT back then). I was forced into ‘exposure’ and I was amazed at how I went from a neurotic wreck to a fairly normal child. It did seem like a miracle, but it’s testament to how the right thinking and exposure to what we fear can work very effectively.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work for everyone, and my current contamination fear (not germs - that never returned) has not responded in the same way. However bad your life is now, and however great your fear, there is always hope. I would encourage you to give CBT your best shot, it’s very hard at first, be prepared to feel worse for a while, but the fear can quickly subside.

The feeling for me was one of euphoria. It was as if I had been held prisoner for years in a torture chamber and was suddenly released in the most beautiful place imaginable. No experience in my life has ever come close to matching it!

Tricia x

Sat Jul 10 2010 11:59:20 #
Unregistered

P.S. I was writing my message while Trudy was sending hers. Baby steps does seem to be a good technique for some. I must say it didn’t help me with my germ phobia, but we are all different. Most experts believe we should tackle something further up our hierarchy of triggers and this does seem to be more successful.

The theory is, if we contaminate everything, there is nowhere to ‘escape’ and therefore we accept our situation and quickly lose our fear. That’s the theory, the practise is not always as straightforward!

Sat Jul 10 2010 12:11:38 #
amy
Member

Thank you both for understanding, I currently have had one session but I have been told by my clinical physcologist that the CBT won't work until my medication is sorted.

I am getting quite frustrated that it does not seem to be an easy task to sort the medication and I have been getting worse whilst the doctor gets this under control.

I have tried to look for small positives over the last few weeks since my medication was changed but its so hard to look on the positive side at the moment.

I know what you mean about small steps I was told to go out each day to ensure I don't get entirely housebound, I have had a small walk today!

Sat Jul 10 2010 17:28:26 #
Truddles
Member

Well done for managing to get out for a walk today

It is hard to look on the positive side when things seem so bad, but things will improve.

Consider how you are now and make that your base line. Then from now onwards everything that you achieve that you couldn't previously do write down. It doesn't matter how small you consider the achievement. This way on days when things seem really bleak you can read it and see the progress that you've made. You can start by putting your walk on the list can't you?

Because you're living with the OCD you don't always realise the progress that you've actually made. I was moaning to my CPN this week and he started to list my achievements, I hadn't realised the list was so long. OK the list might be long but in the grand scheme of things I've only just begun. You can get your life back, it might take a while but you can get there.

Above all don't be hard on yourself, it just makes the OCD think that it's won. OCD's a bully and the more you give into him the more demands he'll place on you. Pamper yourself this evening

Sat Jul 10 2010 17:51:11 #
Wombat140
Member

Well done you.

I don't quite see why you can't do CBT until the medication is perfect, but I dare say the psychologist knows. Is it that none of your compulsions are small enough to tackle? I get like that sometimes.

I know that feeling of being so far from anything like normality that you don't know how you'll ever get your head above the surface! Believe me, I was in just as bad a state not so long ago, and I'm much better now (not there yet, but not so far off). You can do it.

Sat Jul 10 2010 18:05:36 #
amy
Member

Dear wombat140

I suffer with such bad anxiety that I have panic attacks and shake uncontrollably at times, this is considerably worse when I attend doctors and hospitals etc (germ thing). In the past my anxiety has got that bad that my heart beat gets stuck for weeks on end at 170 beats plus and I get significant disabling chest pains. I understand that the medication is required to calm me down and stabalise me a bit, I have another session booked in around a month, I have heard it helps some people so I am trying to remain optimistic.

Sat Jul 10 2010 18:40:30 #
Wombat140
Member

Blimey. Well, if it's that bad, I quite see that you'd have trouble doing CBT. I'm sure I've come across people with OCD who had CBT or something like it to help with anxiety, rather than directly for OCD. It might be better to start with that, and get onto the actual OCD once the anxiety is a bit better. I can't quite remember the details, but you might ask your doctor or somebody. Wikipedia says that CBT has been found effective in treating GAD, so evidently this application does exist.

Sat Jul 10 2010 19:59:39 #

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