OCD Action

poppy
Member

Hi
This is my first time here so apologies if I haven't done this right...

I'm getting increasingly worried about my boyfriend and think he may have OCD. He's always been strange about checking the doors are locked and everything is switched off in the house and in the past we've always laughed about it because it wasn't that bad but over the last year or so I've noticed it getting worse. For instance, now he cant just check the door is locked my pulling the handle but he will really tug and pull at the door to check. Whenever he goes anywhere for the weekend, he brings half the flat with him because he doesn't like it being left alone....

His reactions to little things that go wrong are extreme...he'll get really cross if he forgets something and I'm not sure if I'm just trying to make things fit into an OCD diagnosis but he follows football manically, constantly checking website and if his team lose he doesn't get over it and gets really angry.

All these little things seemed like nothing until this now...he called me on his way home from his friends a bit freaked out because some homeless man had appeared out of nowhere and grabbed his hand...when he called he was more anxious because he though he'd been about to get mugged but then he got home and started checking his hands for grazes....he found one (a tiny scratch that could have been done by anything and almost certainly not by someone grabbing his hand) and now his convinced this man has passed the HIV virus onto him. There's just not talking him round and I'm so frustrated because I can't make him see sense.

I'm really worried and I'm not sure if this fits exactly with the symptoms of OCD but I do know it is a cause of concern. I'm just really worried and I want him to see someone about all of this because I feel like he spends all his life in state of anxiety and no matter what I do I cant pull him out of it.

I'm just not sure how to deal with this anymore...I feel like he spends his whole life being frustrated and can't enjoy anything. I can't remember the last time we did something and he didn't find a flaw or problem somewhere.

I just don't know what to do....please help. Any advice at all will be so much appreciated. Thank you.

Sun Apr 25 2010 2:04:45 #
Nimrod
Key Master

Hi Poppy,

I am sorry to hear about your boyfriend. From what you say it could be OCD but the only way to tell if it is OCD or something else is for him to see his doctor. It may help if you could get him to look at some information about OCD, there is lots on this site. Also, have a look at this http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/files/2009/09/nice-cg031-quickrefguide.pdf This gives a good description of OCD and says what can and should be done about it on the NHS. I know all this sounds simple as first you have to get him to understand that there might be a problem and many people who have OCD are reluctant to admit to themselves that there is a problem.

OCD can affect people in many ways and there is no one set of symptoms that exactly fit, it is just not a one size fits all condition, and it can be very difficult to diagnose.

I hope this helps. Let us know how you get on.

Best wishes,
Caps

Sun Apr 25 2010 8:51:58 #
Moocher
Member

I totally recognise what you are saying. My father suffers from OCD (slightly more severely than me I think) and I totally recognise what you say about the obsession with football team. My dad is obsessed with West Ham and he goes on and on and on about them. When he talks about them, he speaks really quickly. And my dad has this thing where he literally can't go near any man who he considers to be gay because I assume he's scared of getting AIDS. He literally has to wait outside buildings until the "gay guy" leaves.
Your boyfriend might well be resistant to accepting that there is a problem. My dad won't admit that he has a problem with OCD and is mocking when I mention it. If you see a doctor, then make sure to mention that you think it may be OCD as they seem to have a nasty habit of automatically diagnosing people with depression if they aren't sure and that could hold up his treatment.

Mon Apr 26 2010 2:29:06 #
Unregistered

Dear Poppy, It certainly sounds as though your boyfriend has OCD.

Something you wrote got me thinking. You mentioned his manic following of a football team. An ‘obsession’ which is NOT OCD is mentioned in books, and it's the example of the ‘obsessed’ fan. Psychologists would point out that an obsession is never pleasant and the word is often used incorrectly by the general public. A man ‘obsessed’ with football is not suffering OCD, we are told. He loves his sport and derives much pleasure from it. However, I don’t think it’s as straightforward as that!

Your boyfriend does not seem to be gaining much pleasure from supporting his team. His distress when they lose seems greater than that of the average football fan. I most certainly have OCD, but over the years I have become ‘obsessive’ over hobbies, to the point where they ceased becoming pleasurable. A recent example was attending concerts. I decided I ‘had’ to attend every one which a certain orchestra gave in this country (fortunately for my bank balance there were usually two a year at most). I missed out on one and was desperately trying to find where in Europe the orchestra might be performing that symphony. It was not a pleasant feeling, but one driven by obsession (the psychiatric definition of the word). As a child, I began collecting stamps and this, too, became an obsession in the OCD sense. I felt compelled to collect every stamp and when a stamp was unobtainable it caused great distress. I would imagine your boyfriend is suffering something similar over his football team.

Those of us with OCD can indeed find our obsessions spilling over into our hobbies and I find it less clear-cut than many experts seem to describe.

All your boyfriend’s symptoms sound like OCD. I do hope you can persuade him to seek help. Remember, what can seem unnecessary and even irritating to someone without OCD, is causing him great distress. It’s a very painful condition.

Good luck to you both!

Tue Apr 27 2010 12:55:09 #
Unregistered

P.S. I mentioned searching for a performance of the concert in Europe, but had it not been for my husband's restrictions, I would have travelled to Australia (or the moon, if they were performing there)!

Tue Apr 27 2010 13:05:20 #