OCD Action

aishah
Member

Hi All,

For the last month my thoughts and actions have been about cleaning and even more cleaning. Everywhere I look I see dirt and dust, Everything I think about is about cleaning (mental planning). I havn't been this bad for quite a while.

I am going to get hold of the therapist I have recently stopped seeing at the Maudsley (CADAT) to see if he can help. I am so tired of being ruled by OCD and feel down as I have had a lot of treatment and was recently told that I know all there is to know about ocd, yet the problem still remains.

I have tried really hard to get on top of it but just don't seem able to for long. I am so anxious that I can't even sit still long enough to go through my CBT notes and even concentrate on them, I don't know what to do.

Does anyone else have cleaning/ordering compulsions? I'm finding it harder to get out of the flat every day also as I can't leave until "everything feels right" and is in order enough for me to cope with.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Bridget

Sun Jan 8 2012 17:14:18 #
Tess
Member

Hi Bridget
Yes, I can relate to this but as for answers ... When I used to work full time it was a nightmare trying to get out of the house to go to work, being late for work was a minor problem compared to not being able to leave the house until it felt right. I believe I've mentioned this before on the forum but many's the time when hubby had to do the cross legged sprint to the nearest public loos because I couldn't get out of the house until the toilet had been cleaned. Then there was that horrendous day when he was crippled up with pain in the bath and I had to manhandle him out and onto the toilet where he started vomiting and peeing blood. The ambulance and doctor came simultaneously, diagnosed a kidney stone and gave him something to sort it out and by 11am he was right as rain and off into work while I, who had not been ill at all, was quite unable to get to work myself because I felt the whole house had been contaminated and had to phone in sick - well, I guess I was sick but not in the way they would have thought. Then there was the embarrassment of going in the next day with no sign of a cold and the guilt of thinking I had cheated my employer of a day's work.
As for suggestions I have been fortunate that seroxat has eased the problem for me and I can now leave the toilet with suspicious stains and washing up waiting to be done if the need arises. For me trying to rationalise the problem and forcing myself not to clean just aggravated the OCD and as it improved it was a gradual process which did not require mental effort. My only suggestion is that stress seems to make the compulsions worse so you need to reduce your levels of anxiety.

Sun Jan 8 2012 17:39:22 #
Twitchy
Member

Hi Bridget, i'm not a cleaner but i'm a checker so also have my fair share of problems trying to leave the house in the mornings. I have had times where it has taken me up to 45 mins to leave my house and times where i can do it in 15.Have you been prescribed any meds?I have had OCD for over 10 years and have started taking meds for the first time a month ago, i wish i had done it before. It just gives me a bit of a crutch and a calmer mind so i can concentrate on my CBT a bit better without having a mind in turmoil.

Sun Jan 8 2012 19:02:24 #
aishah
Member

Hi Tess and Twitchy,

Thanks for your replies. I know it will die down on its own as I seem to go through continual cycles of intrusive thoughts, cleaning, anxiety and depression. I just feel such a failure for not being to get a hold of the situation and use the tools I learnt through CBT, the anxiety I get is intolerable and prevents me from breaking the cycle.

I have had years of therapy and the anxiety which is supposed to lessen over time never does therefore leaving me stuck.

I do take a high dose of Escitalopram and Quetiapine as well. My psychiatrist tried to be positive at my last appt (as I was feeling despondant) and said at least the medication was preventing my symptoms from being worse, which they have been in the past to the point of breakdown 3 times.......

Anyway thanks again

Bridget

Mon Jan 9 2012 9:03:52 #
Twitchy
Member

Please don't feel like a failure, we're battling a horrible illness which grips your mind and makes it difficult to feel anything other than fear and anxiety.
I often blame myself though as i feel if i made more of an effort to do my CBT i would be much better than i am now. My problem is when i get moments when i don't feel so bad i don't bother with my CBT anymore and then end back at square one.

Mon Jan 9 2012 9:23:53 #
swan
Member

Hi,
I dont have cleaning ocd but know how difficult OCD is try and put in place tools you learnt at Mausdley did you manage to get in touch with your therapist?
Take Care

Mon Jan 9 2012 17:31:26 #
aishah
Member

Hi all,

Thanks Twitchy for those kind words, I know it's really hard, I just thought that as time went on I would improve but I am stuck with a certain level of OCD, anxiety and depression and it doesn't get better.

Swan,

Good to see you back here and I hope you have benefited from your treatment. I try really hard to use the tools I have learnt but when I get attacked by more than one thing at a time (anxiety, intrusive thought and depression etc) then I don't know where to start.

I keep putting off contacting my therapist again, I did call on Friday last week, and he did call me back but at the precise moment I was going in to see the G.P. so couldn't answer it and he hasn't called back again.

I'm trying to manage on my own, will keep you posted.

Take care everyone

Bridget

Wed Jan 11 2012 17:11:03 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Bridget, It's not easy is it? I try to do ERP on my own and it isn't easy... It may be a good idea to contact your therapist again, make the first call cos they're probably waiting for you now. I wish I'd got a therapist on board with me at the moment... Their support is invaluable, even though it can be for reassurance which doesn't work for OCD, but to have a therapist doing the tasks with you just has to be an easier way... You have them to share the load with you, and also to help you evaluate how it is going on a regular basis. Managing on our own is something very brave to do, but is exhausting... It's all good stuff though! Keep us posted,
Wannabe

Wed Jan 11 2012 21:11:03 #
aishah
Member

Hi Wannabe,

I have actually finished my therapy back in October, but the therapist said I could call him anytime, though I'm sure he wouldn't be able to speak to me on an on going basis as I have been discharged now.

I'm tying to stay positive despite knowing my OCD is as bad today as it was before the last lot of treatment I have had.

I was able to maintain my OCD for longer last time (6 months) before needing more help. I feel I have reached the end of the road as far as treatment goes as I was told by my therapist during my treatment that I know all the theory and just need to be consistent with all the things I have learnt.

Anyway, how are you doing, I know you've been having a rough time lately?

Bridget

Thu Jan 12 2012 17:13:41 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Bridget, yes, it has been a bit of a rocky few days... What with Wheelie bins and suchlike! I'm fairly settled today, I didn't get ill from yesterdays ERP... So that is a good thing. I went shopping today, food shopping, in a supermarket, touching the stuff as it went on the conveyor belt, I didn't use th loos today, and didn't use the Cafe, but still handled the car handles and safety belt, no ill-effects there... I'm wearing the same jersey and jeans as yesterday. It is just my mind talking to itself, It isn't easy is it? I wish I was doing the stuff with a therapist on board, but I'm getting away with it all so far.
It is difficult to be consistent with all the theory, but if we do it in little stages, every so often, when we feel ready, it can be done, but it isn't easy of course...
Wannabe

Thu Jan 12 2012 17:47:07 #