OCD Action

Citaloman
Member

Update and your advice yet again..

Since my last post I must say I have been on the whole feeling better, suicidal thoughts only enter my head during spikes instead of using it as a constant way out.

After a medication review last week i was switched to Fluroxetine, a drug known to help OCD, (it's actually stated within the leaflet that accompanies that drug, Citalopram however does not) my doctor phoned a top phycologist and she suggested the move, I was anxious at first but this week has been good, no side effects and the crying is minimal but still there.

Actually it's hard to actually start to cry.

So you may think things are going well for Citaloman, but... I have been talking online to a girl who I can only describe as being perfect and what I want from a relationship. Don't worry I haven't told her about my OCD and have suggested that we be friends as I'm still shook up from my last relationship ending. The fact is without my worries I would be asking her out in 2 seconds.

She says things like, "your funny" "good looking" "cheeky" etc but for me I just think you don't know me or what's going on at the moment.

How do you tell someone new eventually that you have an illness that makes you think you're a terrible person. How do you tell someone to take a risk on you. I will not go out with anyone if what I think is true in my head.

Or do you do what I think I should do and start CBT next week and just hold fire until I can be confident ad clear in my own head.

This week has been a roller coaster of emotions, I made contact with her as I felt like I deserved some happiness and the thoughts started to slowly make sense but today for instance I have the excitement of knowing I will chat online with her mixed with the infuriating feeling of I shouldn't get any closer, she doesn't deserve this.

Sorry for my minimal contact this week but I find this forum and others sometime triggering.

Down to you.

Thu Jan 12 2012 15:42:33 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Citaloman, good to hear from you again. I don't rightly know the answer to your question, but first things first, you sound a lot better, which is a good step in the right direction. It might be a good idea to ask her hypothetically, for instance, 'What would she think if...' and see how she reacts. If she is really nice, she'll probably find you more fascinating. She may even have difficulties herself, that she wants to share with you. It is a gamble. We are each human and fallible, and that is also what makes us each special. It is early days yet maybe for such closeness? I don't know, save to say it is good to hear from you again.
Wannabe

Thu Jan 12 2012 16:34:58 #
Citaloman
Member

Yeah you confirmed my thoughts on it. I have only been talking to her since Monday night when I felt great. But it's up and down, I should just STOP and wait until CBT starts. I weirdly want to get some sort of certificate that's I can give new friends etc that I can give them. An OCD licence.

Thu Jan 12 2012 16:43:33 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Citaloman, Have you got a start date for CBT yet? Thinking about an OCD licence, I think it might be equivalent to a knighthood!
Wannabe

Thu Jan 12 2012 16:48:35 #
Citaloman
Member

Next wednesday

Thu Jan 12 2012 18:02:03 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Citaloman, That is a date to focus on, along with your new medication, which will take a little while to get into your system, but it is looking good, some things positive in your life now...
Wannabe

Thu Jan 12 2012 18:07:39 #
Citaloman
Member

I have just cried. I pray to god this is all in my head. To think of a location and then what you did wrong is my dilema. But this girl just feels right, I know how it sounds but me and my ex partners love after ten years changed.

Thu Jan 12 2012 18:11:34 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Citaloman, Crying is good, it is catharsis, it can let the emotion out... I think if we only amounted to the sum of our deeds whatever, then our lives wouldn't amount to much... If we've ever made mistakes, we learn from them, which is part of the learning process of life... We are human, and fallible, that is everyone, not just us with OCD. In fact we have the right to make mistakes and learn from them. I'm not saying we did anything wrong, just that it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. To err is human, to forgive, divine, because it is all so difficult...
Wannabe

Thu Jan 12 2012 18:24:55 #