OCD Action

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Unregistered

Dear Catherine, I used to think exactly the same. I begged my vicar to perform an exorcism. Yes, people with OCD can be incredibly stubborn. However, it's very easy to feel an entity is controlling our minds and for a few years I was convinced this was what was happening. I'm in a rush today, I'll try to come back tomorrow.

Anne, I did come to reply to your message. Again, I'll try to return tomorrow!!

Tricia x

Sun Jul 25 2010 13:02:51 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Catherine,

Welcome.

Unfortunately we can be extremely stubborn and we don't always mean to be so. We're just frightened of not carrying out the compulsions that initially allayed our fears

It can't be easy living with someone with OCD, especially if they wont accept treatment. I'm improving but I still wouldn't want to live with me

Trudy

Sun Jul 25 2010 13:03:31 #
Unregistered

Hi Catherine

I agree with everyhing Tricia and Trudy have said. We can be in denial for several reasons. When I was first diagnosed I was told I had obsessional neurosis. I took great exception to this term and spent many years in denial. As far as I was concerned it was a phobia. This may be partly why I did not respond to treatment. But it also true that the thoughts seem so very real that it is hard to believe that they are not.

There are some very good self help books on the market dealing with yur husband's symptoms. Even if he will not read them it is worth your while buying them and reading them yourself.

The one I particularly like is: Jonoathon Grayson. 'Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder,' Penguin, 2003. Chapter 12 'The Primary Mental Obsession; It really is all in your mind,' covers your husband's symptoms and provides some sensible CBT solutions which might help.

I will have a look on the IOCD foundation page to see if there are any articles there and come back to you.

Anne x

Sun Jul 25 2010 13:41:37 #
resentment
Member

Dear Anne, Trichia and Trudy,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write responses to me- really you cannot know just how much it means to me to be heard and understood as i have been feeling so isolated for so long- i feel ashamed to let my family and friends into my life and our home for fear that my husband's shameful secret might be revealed, which would only make my husband feel worse. And it is our first year of marriage too.

I own numerous OCD books and have even offered/tried to play therapist to him but i really feel it is not up to the wife to manage such a disorder. Until he wants help i will just have to suffer. Maybe this is God's way of keeping me (and my husband) out of worse trouble!!

Thanks again,
Catherine
x

Sun Jul 25 2010 14:01:42 #
Unregistered

Hi Catherine

I do so hope that your husband will eventually accept that he does have OCD and seek CBT. I agree with you that it best for him to do the therapy with a trained therapist and for you to help with his exposure therapy etc.

I guess it is a problem talking about it to your family if your husband is not prepared to talk about it first.

Having said this, I do hope you will start letting people into your house again. With my mum having a severe mental breakdown when I was 17, my close and extended family has always seen mental illness and mental health conditions as no different from any physical illness or condition. The main problem lay with how to help me best.

I think there is a growing awareness about OCD - a lot more people know about it now than they used to. When I was first diagnosed it was thought to be a rare disorder. Now many sources quote the figure as high as 3% of the world's population. Most people I know, know someone with OCD, depression or bi-polar disorder. So, even if they find it hard to understand me, they are generally keen to listen without being judgemental.

Very best of luck and please feel free to PM me if you want some support

Best wishes
Anne
x

Sun Jul 25 2010 14:29:01 #
Truddles
Member

Dear Catherine,

Firstly I wanted to say that you’re not alone.

I was saddened to read
i feel ashamed to let my family and friends into my life and our home for fear that my husband's shameful secret might be revealed,

Please never feel ashamed of the fact that your husband has OCD. Granted in front of people that don’t understand OCD some of your husband’s behaviour could prove embarrassing to all. But feeling ashamed will only further upset you and make you feel depressed. After all if your husband had a cardiac problem you wouldn’t feel ashamed would you? This is no different, you just have to tell yourself that it’s just a different part of the body that’s affected. I’m sure that God won’t punish either you or your husband just because he’s ill.

It can’t be easy so early in your relationship to cope with a condition that’s having such an impact on both your lives. He might be the one with OCD but you too are suffering the effects of OCD.

By the sounds of it you are feeling lonely and isolated. You need to make time for yourself on a regular basis to ensure that you are still able to socialise with your friends and family. The more isolated you become the more you’ll start to resent the situation that you find yourself in. You also need to not be so hard on yourself and to be kind to yourself. You don’t have to suffer just because he won’t accept help, you need try to continue to live your life to the full as much as you can.

If you’re finding it difficult to cope with the situation it might be worth you going to your GP to ask for counselling for yourself. This would provide you with not only someone to talk to, but also help you to work out some strategies to enable you to cope until your husband is willing to seek appropriate help.

Please continue to post on the forum. We're a friendly forum and do our best to help and support each other.

Best wishes
Trudy

Sun Jul 25 2010 17:14:03 #
Unregistered

Dear Catherine, When I begged my vicar to arrange an exorcism he agreed to take me to a colleague of his. I was also told that my problem was not due to a demonic force. Like your husband, I refused to believe this. I think it was less a case of stubbornness and more the belief that this ‘entity’ was messing with my mind, but hiding from everyone else.

Was the exorcist a priest from your own religion whom you knew? If he wasn’t, why don’t you suggest that your husband confide in the minister/priest of your local church. Perhaps if a second person, whom he really trusts, explains it isn’t an exorcism he requires he will try a different (medical) approach.

Rather than stubbornness, I also place part of the blame onto a few religious people who do still claim that any mental condition can be healed with either exorcism or prayer. Ministers have told my friends and me to throw away medication, stop seeing psychiatrists and read the Bible daily. For some reason, these same people were not telling diabetics to throw away their insulin.

Because OCD is ‘telling’ us to do things which our very sane, logical minds know to be ridiculous, some of us experience feelings that an entity must have taken over. Most of us move on from those feelings and realize we have a biological disorder.

As Trudy said, please try not to feel ashamed. No-one should be feeling shame about a condition like OCD in this day and age!

Best wishes, Tricia.

P.S. Anne, I haven't forgotten my reply here to you, still in such a rush!!

Mon Jul 26 2010 14:39:51 #
resentment
Member

Thanks again Anne, Trichia and Trudy
I think we will try exposure therapy and see how it goes.
Thanks again
Catherine xxx

Mon Aug 2 2010 15:54:51 #
Unregistered

Dear Catherine

I wish your husband the very best of luck with exposure therapy. You can be of great help to him if you silently support him while he is doing the therapy. My husband and I grew very close when he stood by the door and silently watched me standing on the drain outside my house to help me overcome my fears of drains. He never forced me to do the thearpy just stood and watched with an approving look and gave me a hug after I had done it.

There is a great section on how best to helps loved ones who have OCD in the book 'OCD for Dummies.'

All the very best to both of you in getting this under some control
Anne

Tue Aug 3 2010 8:57:26 #
Unregistered

I think talking about my OCD in small doses helps. And I'd go for a combonation of CBT and medication. I've only JUST started getting CBT when I really could have done with it last year. 'Professionals'!!

Tue Aug 3 2010 22:22:08 #
Truddles
Member

Good luck with the CBT Jess

Wed Aug 4 2010 16:03:15 #
Amz
Member

I dont know if any of this is relevant and will probably ramble, but this is my experiences of therapies

OCD taken ove life gradually from the age of 5. At around 12ish saw GP a few times to chat and to be monitored, felt better stopped going. MISTAKE A.

OCD takes over life back to GP referred to child pysciatrist, who was wonderful. We will call him Dr B. His therapy was mainly conselling. This helped me learn about OCD and gave me confidence that it was a treatable illness and not me! It also gave me regular opportunites to get of my chest my OCD problems to somebody who didnt judge and that new what I was talking about. I didnt feel so alone.

Put on fluoxetine 60 mg daily.

by the time I was 16 my life started. I feel that the recovery was 90% down the the medication. I went from being a bullied recluse, with no friends, who dreaded going to school, was failing school work, washed repeatedly until skin was red, lay awake at night in fear, suffered panick attacks, being unsocialble, angry, had no future prospects or goals and driving my Mum to the end of her tether -to- being a friendly outgoing person, having lots of friends, a busy social life, looking forwad to college each day, going on college trips (as far as SPAIN) having a part-time job, certificate for college attendance and grades well above predicted average and generally enjoying life.

Dr B called me his success story.

from 16 to 18 I saw Dr B every now and then to stay on the books and report status and even came off medication. At 18 I had to be reffered to the Adult Mental Health Team DR B said he should have reffered me at 16 but as I was doing so well and we had a good relationship he kept me on his books.

I saw a temporary adult therapist a few times and he started to teach me about CBT. He then left and I was transferred to a different therapist who honestly I did not like! Due to this and the fact that I was doing fine I didnt keep going to apointments. I felt at the time they were an incovenient reminder of an old life that I wanted to forget. BIG MISTAKE B

I am now 25 and recovering from a severe 3 year relapse!

I have to say it is 10 times harder as an adult to 1. seek help 2. get it 3. take steps to recovery and 4. stay there.

The one thing that is easier is that there are no childish bullies and people are a lot more understanding and sympathetic to your condition.

You have so many more responsibilities as an adult and OCD just made me totally dependnant upon my boyfriend. We'll call him K. If I didnt have him it would have been my Mum looking after me.

OCD had started to creep back in around 3 1/2 years ago. To start with it was just little things, manageable, bareable things. By the time I had to think about dealing with it, its had taken over my life! AGAIN!

Here is a relevant famous quote that I love:

"The chains of habit are generally to small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken" Samuel Johnson

This couldnt be more true! I had tried to pretend OCD wasnt part of my life anymore and it came back with avengance. If I advise others anything it is dont be as nieve as I was. OCD will always be a part of your life you just need to learn to deal with it and manage it.

Anyway I told you I would ramble, therapy as a 24-25 year old:

Went to GP with K explained my relapse and asked for help. GP put me back on fluoxetine around 3 months passed I was upto 80mg of med and still no better if anything worse.

He mentioned referring me to mental health team but didnt seem overly eager. One apointment I had with him "he literally said to me if the med I was on didnt work then there was nothing else" I walked out feeling like my life was not worth living and got in my car and cried my eyes out!

I was forced to request the referral as he clearly wasnt going to do it and he had nothing further to offer me.

weeks passed finally got an apointment at mental health team with an woman who was going to assess me.

turns out this isnt the woman I would be seeing this was just an assessment and then had to be referred to a consultant (whatever that title means).

weeks passed, me still feeling that life was not worth living and never would be. finally got apt with consultant who I then had to describe my OCD to for the third time. He put me on Chlomopramine, weeks passed I saw him on a regular basis as he gradually increased my dose to the maximum, I cant recall precisly what this was now.

over 3 months after started Clomopramine I was STILL no better I had come off work on long term sick and my partner was doing everything for me. the consultant only saw me every 6 wks to up medication. he now decided to try me on another medication venlafxine. I just kept getting sent away to go a look at 4 walls day in day out withought being able to move without fear, or rituals and repetition.

another 3 months until I was on the full dose of Venlafaxine and had given it enough time not to work. I gave up on the consultant and the nhs and raised funds for private care.

THE BEST THING I COULD HAVE EVER DONE!

All I can say for the Venlafaxine is that it stopped me wanting to kill myself and made me more emotionally fit do deal with repeating every task every day up to 20 times.

I attended a 5 day intensive course at the OCD CENTRE in London. It showed me a completely new way to look at and deal with my OCD. The therapies in the course included:

1. Knowledge
2. Mindfullness
3. Acceptance
4. CBT
5. REBT
6. Responsibilty
7. Exposure
8. Relaxation/Meditation

I am still on the med as withdrawel symptons are severe and I am not 100% so am concerned to stop taking them incase my mood lowers.

But I am on track with the mental tools to fight my OCD and control it not let it control me!

Wed Aug 4 2010 19:43:19 #
Amz
Member

Wow just looked at that post. I think I should write a book. Or I could just use that post I think it would fill a book

Wed Aug 4 2010 19:45:01 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Amz,

Welcome to the forum.
Sorry to hear of your bad experience with the adult mental health team. But pleased to hear that you have finally received treatment that has helped.
But I am on track with the mental tools to fight my OCD and control it not let it control me!
Part of the problem is that so many of us just aren't given all the tools to deal with our OCD and so it's refreshing to hear of someone that has been given a complete tool kit

Trudy

Wed Aug 4 2010 19:57:22 #