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Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Social Anxiety

(6 posts) (3 voices)
  • Started 3 months ago by slogsweep
  • Latest reply from slogsweep
  • This topic is A support question
  1. Avatar Image

    slogsweep
    Member

    Hello everyone,

    I think, and this is genuinely not an OCD or health anxiety creation, that I might have both of these comorbid disorders.

    I have a constant fear of what others are saying or thinking about my crooked nose. It changed after a sporting injury and I was bullied quite badly at the age of 14-18 about it. I also am always concerned that I'm cross-eyed, that my eyes are too close together, that my head is too big, that my teeth are horrendous, that I'm fat, that I'm misshapen, that I'm somehow deformed etcetc.

    It's something I've looked into before at an earlier age but never had the guts to ask about treatment for. If my OCD can be helped, maybe this can be too. Most of the bullying I've received has been on my personal appearance or voice (oration, diction, pronunciation and things). Can this be treated? I've done some online tests, as I did when I found out about the symptoms of OCD and they all indicate that I have BDD.

    The second thing I think I've been struggling with for a long time is social anxiety. I can't bear to be around people I don't know but am supposed to make social conversation with. I can't deal with meeting new people. Tonight someone I live with invited their friends over and cooked a curry for us all. I managed to eat the meal with these people I don't really know but am supposed to talk to but eventually I had to retreat and lock myself in my bedroom until they are gone. I can't get out of my head the thought that they are all negatively judging me and laughing at me behind my back. I don't have many friends, probably half a dozen at most and they are the only people along with family and my girlfriend who I can actually be around for any period of time before I have an urge to hide away and "let them judge away", even though they probably aren't. I only go to small, quiet pubs, never nightclubs or big chain popular places. I don't like shopping with people as I'm worried about them judging me but I can deal with people I don't know at all. Busy places distress me and make me want to hide but I can get through busy train stations or sit in a busy lecture theatre.

    I know OCD and it's comorbid disorders are a learning process, but as I untangle the massed messy web of my broken mind I'm only digging up more things wrong with me, rather than a path to total recovery as I once thought I'd find. I'm really upset and feeling very daunted. I'll probably be upset until these people go home. It's not that I don't like them, it's that I doubt anyone could like me. A 21 year old loner on anti-depressants with no prospects of finding a job or coping in a professional environment, in mountains of debt, doing a degree I don't care about and probably going to end up with an average at best grade for.

    I'm really fed up of all this.

    Thanks for reading, anyone,

    Slog

    Sat Feb 4 2012 22:39:09 #
  2. Avatar Image

    Truddles
    Member

    Hi Slog,

    Sorry that you're feeling so low.

    You really do need to mention the problem with body image and social anxiety to your CBT therapist at your next session.
    Depression, low self-esteem and lack of confidence can cause both, I know because I get both when I'm either depressed or my confidence and self-esteem are at rock bottom.

    but as I untangle the massed messy web of my broken mind I'm only digging up more things wrong with me, rather than a path to total recovery as I once thought I'd find.
    Our minds are complex and our OCD doesn't stand in isolation so many different factors can be involved either directly or indirectly with our OCD. OCD can be a bit like an onion, so as you progress with your recovery these things will come to light as you unpeel the layers. And as you build up your confidence and self-esteem will improve or even go.
    It's not that I don't like them, it's that I doubt anyone could like me.
    Do you like yourself? Seriously if you don't like yourself then you'll assume that no one else will. Learn to like and love you for who you are and not for what you want to be. If you like yourself it will be so much easier to get the things that you want in life.
    A 21 year old loner on anti-depressants with no prospects of finding a job or coping in a professional environment, in mountains of debt, doing a degree I don't care about and probably going to end up with an average at best grade for.
    You won't always be 21 (unless you're Peter Pan ).
    As your confidence and self-esteem grow you will find it easier to make new friends.
    There's nothing wrong with being on antidepressants.
    Possibly at the moment your prospect of finding a job is low, but improves with each day of your recovery.
    Yes, you're in debt but if it's a student loan you don't need to pay it back until you're earning a certain amount. So try not to worry unduly about it especially whilst you're not working (I know it's not easy if you're not the sort of person who likes owing money).
    Disappointing as it would be to not get the grade that you want, consider this - what sort of grades would your fellow students get if they had to cope with your OCD? Bet many would have dropped out by now and so wouldn't get a degree.

    Slog, you're being far too hard on yourself. You wouldn't treat others the way that you're treating yourself would you? Take a step back and learn to be kind to yourself. Start thinking about all the positive traits that you have rather than dwelling on the negatives. I don't really know you but I could list several positive things about you.

    Things are improving, you just can't see the wood for the trees. (Mind you neither can I at the moment )

    Trudy

    Sun Feb 5 2012 10:20:21 #
  3. Avatar Image

    slogsweep
    Member

    Hello Trudy,

    Thank you for such a long, detailed and wonderful reply. I am trying to be more positive. I went into town and into shops and things today, I couldn't have done that last night, and I faced a mirror for a little while this morning without feeling horrible.

    I wanted to know if I should mention it to my therapist as I don't have all the time in the world with her on this course of CBT and was wondering whether it'd hinder the so far successful OCD treatment. Thank you also for saying such nice things about me. I'm in debt in other ways, paying to live away from home. I'm not from a great background but with the current student finance situation I slip through the net and really struggle. I try not to think about it too much though.

    Thank you for that, what you've wrote there helped me a great deal today, I'm just sorry it's taken me until now to reply properly on a computer. How are you doing? I hope you're well. Even if you're struggling, you're picking me up off the floor, which is an amazing thing to do for someone

    Best wishes

    Slog

    Sun Feb 5 2012 23:52:20 #
  4. Avatar Image

    Truddles
    Member

    Hi,

    I'm pleased that you're feeling a bit better this evening. Well done for managing to go in to town especially as you felt so bad.

    Let your therapist know. It's all part and parcel of your OCD and not telling is more likely to hinder. The more that they know about your OCD and related problems the better equipped they are to ensure that you are receiving the correct help.

    How am I doing? Well I've only just this minute finished getting the washing done and I'm frozen as have to have the window open for the drier - but I've done it despite being stressed.

    Here's a funny story - Frequently when I'm in a shop such as M&S I can see someone coming towards me and say to myself 'Well I'm not moving, they can.' Only to realise that the person coming towards me is actually me - it's my reflection in one of the mirrors and I just don't recognise that it's me. I can't get used to see an old me rather than a twenty year old me Next thing I'll be trying to hold a conversation with the poor old soul in the mirror

    Hope you have a good night.

    Trudy

    Mon Feb 6 2012 0:14:06 #
  5. Avatar Image

    Aimboy
    Member

    Hey Slog

    I think i have BDD, I can relate to the horrendous teeth issue. I have social anxiety as well though fortunatley for me its improved a lot in the past few weeks. I suppose you've just got to take the bad times with the good but try and learn from the bad times. Ive started to throw myself in the deep end now, ive found that works for me in the long term (though im not saying it will work for you). About 6 months ago my social anxiety was at its worst, but i suppose the high level of exposure since then has paid off for me. I suppose its also common among sufferers to hate themselves and have low self esteem, maybe take up a hobby, something with an end result that will make you feel proud of yourself, even if its something to do at home. Its not a cure but its a starting point.

    Joe

    Mon Feb 6 2012 18:33:53 #
  6. Avatar Image

    slogsweep
    Member

    Well done Trudy on beating the stress . I forget I'm 21 sometimes, sometimes I feel 16 again, ha. It terrifies me that I'm going to be out on my own come May. I can relate to what you're saying about the reflections.

    Aimboy it's a nightmare isn't it. Got a presentation coming up before 40-50 and I'm scared beyond belief. I'm sure you're overthinking about your teeth just as I am. I'd like to do a hobby but I can't afford to at the moment. I'd love to be able to afford cricket but I just can't sadly. I play video games and listen to a lot of music and write. That's about it, I wish it were more.

    Thanks both of you, I hope you've both had good days,

    Good night,

    Slog

    Mon Feb 6 2012 23:42:10 #

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