OCD Action

OCDLONELY
Member

Hey everyone! Just wanted to say hi and see how everyone is doing. I have been absent for some time and going through so much and just haven't been around but I am hoping to try and be here more again and hopefully get some support and be supportive to others. I am going through relationship problems as many of you may remember and nothing has changed well actually its got worse. I feel unwanted and unloved by this girl who lives abroad and I haven't seen in 14 months. We had plans for xmas but issues with her job led to us breaking up and she is off enjoying her life while I wait and wait for her and miss her like crazy. I have a few amazing friends but they're all online and I'm so very lonely. I have no idea if can ever give up on this girl but I know living like this will kill me. Hope to talk to you all soon and is there anyone here from the Hampshire area? Take care

Dan

Fri Nov 25 2011 12:12:31 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Dan, welcome back to the forums
Sorry to hear of your relationship problems, I don't know what to suggest really, and I don't live in Hampshire either, but welcome back anyway...
wannabe

Fri Nov 25 2011 18:57:01 #
Tess
Member

Hi Dan
Welcome back from me too. Sorry to hear you are still missing the girl so much but if the relationship is making you feel unloved and unwanted and so desperately unhappy then my only advice is to move on and find someone else to love. Problem is you need to start getting out and meeting people in the flesh, even if there are no support groups in your area there must be many organisations which will offer you support and opportunities to socialise. My advice is to contact your local mental health team and ask them to put you in touch with the organisations which offer support in your area.

Sat Nov 26 2011 9:56:06 #
bunnymad
Member

Hi Dan,

Welcome Back and may i say I have not been on here for months. Been trying to manage and had a lot happen since i was last on here.

Sun Nov 27 2011 16:23:00 #
Tess
Member

Hi bunnymad
Great to hear from you, hope the happenings have been good ones and your OCD has improved.

Sun Nov 27 2011 18:09:14 #
Citaloman
Member

Dan I'm in the same boat, but today I realised after 3 hours of crying that it's over and how much I miss her isn't being reciprocated. Forget the OCD side of things and just think that when your better you may find someone who is soo special. I was with my partner for 10 years but today it really hit home after 3 weeks of denial that it's over. It has been a truly awful day but I have got it out of my system. I'm not sure if there is a higher power (based on me feeling so low and and in pain) but I believe everything happens for a reason.

Sun Nov 27 2011 22:47:38 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Citaloman... You're free to love again now, as the genuine person you are... It will have happened for a reason, but don't blame yourself... OCD can put a tremendous strain on a relationship, and that is just how it goes sometimes... When the right person comes along now, you'll know... Perhaps a fellow sufferer... Most people suffer from something, and sometimes shared suffering brings the right people together closer... You are an inspiration to me, and I guess to others too on here, so just wait for the next one to come along... I tend to believe there is some sort of higher power, and thus, if there's any justice in the world, things will work out for you...
wannabe

Mon Nov 28 2011 11:21:39 #
bunnymad
Member

Hi Tess,

My ocd is up, down, side to side all over the place. Suffering with so much Guilt, Doubt, self criticism, catastrophising everything. Feel anxious and uncomfortable most of the time. As far as being a mum at the minute, Finding it really tough. feel like most of my decisions are wrong, doubt myself all the time, and i keep going over and over past events and scrutinising them to the tiniest degree. Feel totattly fed up, donw depressed with it too be honest.

One major factor is how the hell i am supposed to ignore the ocd thoughts. I dont know anymore where the ocd thoughts stop and the normal everyday thoughts start. Utterlly sick to death of it. Is my life really gonna be this hard for the rest of my god damn life.

What makes it worse is the my loving, wonderful husband told me something the other day as a compliment and also to be honest. He was saying that he has noticed a change in me since we meet ten years ago and since i have had our son, that before i used to be a lot more confident, took risks, a bit more independent, fun loving and bubbly. Now i am anxious, dont take any risks, like routine, doubtful, fretful, stressed, awkward, and a major shadow of my former self.

Wed Nov 30 2011 21:44:35 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Bunnymad, It is said thatbeing a Mum is the most demanding job in the world, and I agree, and I'm a Dad... When children are small they are so demanding, leaving you physically exhausted, never mind mindfully too... Babies are having us effectively on call 24 hours a day... Feeding, burping, nappies and all the rest of it, a massive load when you haven't got it in 'Shifts' like ordinary work... It gets rewarding at times, but when we're tired, it's difficult... Over to you Tess...
Hang in there Bunnymad, they say that when it is as bad as it can get, it can only get better, and I sure wish it worked that way for me too...
Take breaks whenever you can, the heart rests between beats, and so must we...
Chat more tomorrow...
Wannabe

Wed Nov 30 2011 22:39:24 #
Tess
Member

Hi Bunnymad
You are approaching the terrible twos which is probably the most stressful time, it will get easier and life is not going to be this hard for life. Going over and over things in your mind is counterproductive, like checking - the more you check the more uncertain you become and the more you ruminate the less clear things will be and your stress levels will go up. The key is to reduce your stress levels - accept that it is as essential to you as breathing and don't feel guilty about it - distract yourself with things you really enjoy, use your creativity, revisit all those things you used to love doing and allow yourself time to pamper yourself. It will please your lovely husband and it will make you feel better about your own life which has become a never ending round of work and worry. I've been there myself and I never believed I could get better at the time either - but we do. Life is a long time and you will learn how to get through this.

Thu Dec 1 2011 9:55:37 #
aishah
Member

Hi Dan,

Welcome back to the forum and sorry you,re still struggling. I,m sure, given time, you will find sometime to share your love with. A one way relationship is never a good thing. And getting out whenever you can will lift your spirits, though I know you have other health problems too so it may be difficult for you.

When I feel low, I dont go to college or meet up with friends as much and it does actually make things worse so now I push myself hard to get out and socialise.

Bunnymad,

Sorry you,re still struggling too. I have brought up 2 children and remember too well how exhausting it is and with OCD on top, it can be a nightmare at times. You will get through it and children grow up so fast!

Try to look after yourself

Bridget

Fri Dec 2 2011 18:02:36 #
bunnymad
Member

Thanks for the advice. I am feeling a bit better. Just some days are a real battle. I just wish still a little part of me that i could go back to the way i used to be. I know i shouldnt because my life is so different now. I have responsibilities now. Life isnt as easy as it was before. I have a family and i am a mum now.

Just wish life was not so damned hard sometimes. Its like ocd is a weight that we are dragging round with us making everything so much harder than it has to be.

Lots of hugs and positive vibes sent your way.

Laura

Fri Dec 2 2011 20:54:09 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Laura, it isn't forever... One day they leave home an you sort of have to remember what you did before kids came along, then the grandchildren come to visit, great fun.... But until that time comes, you'll witness the joy of watching them grow from little people into grown-ups, and the wonderful things they achieve on the way... It sounds to me that you could do with some relaxation time, like power napping, in between all the activities little one gets up too If you can get the little one to watch c-beebies to keep them distracted from you, then you'll be able to relax in a chair, while they're in baby bouncer or chair... It is essential that you grab rest through the day, or you'll burn out, and that's no good to either of you...
Can Dad take little one out in a stroller for an hour to give you a break? Also, let the house be a mess, it is lived in, just tidying up last thing at night should keep things good... Take it easy, and be good to yourself... Long soak in the bath is a way of escaping... Take care...
wannabe

Fri Dec 2 2011 21:46:35 #