OCD Action

Blueskies
Member

Hiya everyone being reading lot on here and learning much.

I remember when I use to set myself targets to reduce the checking, my anxiety seemed to get worse. It's the awful feelngs that use to get in my way and the pure frustration of the never ending checking ritual.

I have reduced my checking considerably, which made me felt that I now have some control. With this came a sense of confidence and a belief that I was doing ok. I had to learn what was acceptable in my checking and also learn how to cope with some level of stress telling myself it's ok to feel some discomfort but I can do it.

Before when my OCD was very bad, my checking was extreme to say the least as I tried to avoid the uncomfortable feelings at all cost.

The point I am trying to make, I will get there, is when we have worked hard at setting our goals and have made some progress however small, other stressess can stop us from progressing, sabotaging our efforts to get better.

I learned that whilst coping with my OCD, I also had to cope with other issues that life throws at us also and not get other issues entangled with my goals and causing any setbacks.

some people on their recovery often have blips and begin to feel bad because they feel they have failed in their goals. I say to them, that recognise the positive efforts, the skill of challenging your belief, the strenght to cope with some uncomfortable feelings, the sense of achievement of succeeding in small steps and the slow rise in self confidence that got you to that first hard goal. The expectation to succeed takes time and people can put added pressure on themselves when they feel they haven't made a goal today or the next. Allowing ourself to HAVE A GOOD DAY AND NOT SO GOOD DAY, means we can be kind to ourselfs because we are only human.

The more confidence we get the more able we are to cope with the other issues that come into our lives and never forgetting the efforts we have already achieved which is so easy when negative thinking takes over.

Fri Feb 26 2010 14:29:12 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Blueskies,

I agree - every time that you manage to achieve something it boosts your confidence and allows you to achieve the next goal. I fully appreciate that we will have good days and bad days and that there will be set backs along the way. But what I can't cope with is the fact that I'm having so many major setbacks at the moment. I know we're only human it's just a pity that the medical profession don't acknowledge that

I'm sorry but having a bad few weeks though starting to feel a little better

Fri Feb 26 2010 14:37:50 #
Blueskies
Member

Hiya Truddles, how does someone give a hug on here!!!

I understand it's hard, sometimes I feel like were in two minds constantly, the negative verses the positive. I wrote an article about anxiety being a big bully. I will put in the forum. who knows it may help others, I don't know.

Unfortunately not all docs or medical professions sometimes truly understand and its so hard to get CBT. I waited for nearly 3 years and decided to use the online fear fighter programme instead. This did not work either. My only way of dealing with my issues was truly from writing therapy. It was my only way, a very difficult journey which is ongoing.

Some CBT therapist don't often think the past is important, but I have to disagree,as looking at my OCD, came from the past. I don't believe to a certain extent that any therapist can help me, without looking at the WHOLE PICTURE so to speak. I know from my writing, whether I liked it or not, I was taken back to my past to see where it all came from.

Anxiety is such big arena of disorders, although mental but not a mental illness as such, there are the physical illnessess as well to cope with. Many people have often found it difficult to seperate the mental anxiety with the phyiscal because the mind affects the body too. and many symptoms of anxiety can be caused by many phyiscal symptoms of illnessess making it hard to know what pains come from the mental and what pains come from the physical.

So far even though you have had some major setbacks, all is not lost!!! your finding your way, how to cope, its your challenge but remember all the skills you have learned so far, are still there, pushing the negative out of the way.

All the best,

Pam

Fri Feb 26 2010 16:13:00 #
mama
Member

Pam,
I agree that having things in our past has help to mold us into who we are today, I think I have come to the conclusion, however, that the past cannot be a 'cause' so to speak. I believe it is a biological thing, and given enough stressors (ie your childhood, or mine, or some tragic event etc)...the scales will tip and turn into full blown OCD. I think if I had not been exposed to my stressors, I may not have developed OCD...although I think its likely SOMEthing was likely to come along and push the balance over. . .
I think about women who have had similar or worse experiences than I...who do not develop OCD. Perhaps they learned better coping skills? Perhaps their stressors didnt trigger impulses going off like fireworks...that is an OCD thing...I'm of the belief that OCD makes those things of our past harder to deal with because we constantly have thoughts and impulses about those situations. I think they need to be addressed for sure, but I think addressing them in terms of OCD is a bit self defeating. If you are like me, you can find ways to blame the past for your having developed OCD. The real truth is that it played a part...but is not responsible for it...OCD is. OCD is the real demon...it makes us shift focus to the past, to the people agrivating us now, to the stressors in our lives that make things worse...we say 'If only I could get rid of such and such...THEN I could get a handle on this OCD!' ...The truth is stressors will never leave completely...they will always come in one form or another...the trick is learning new coping skills to deal with them effectively when they do...It is obvious you have done a fantastic job of learning these coping skills...it is wonderful to see someone make such immense strides in the battle...I do wonder about HAVING to address the past in terms of OCD though...perhaps in terms of yourself as a whole, but I think in terms of OCD there may be a careful trap there that will potentially suck us into the 'blame game' and deflate our motivation to change because 'doggonit! its not my fault!' ...does that make sense? I'm sort of rambling my thoughts. I'm no expert...these are just my thoughts...
Andrea

Fri Feb 26 2010 17:08:52 #
Blueskies
Member

Hey there mama!! how are you doing!!

What you say is interesting, and years ago, much younger I did play the blame game!! but not anymore. I do find it difficult to believe its biological, even though docs say so. I have never taken any meds but strongly believe my OCD, is to do with control. My past has been a great help in understanding the other many issues I had to deal with but it's not the same as being stuck, more like being able to look at those memories without re experiencing those memories or feelings in the same way, or with the old belief.

OCD for me is a combination of symptoms, beliefs and feelings of how I understood the meaning of control in my life. There maybe so many reason why so many of us cope and live with OCD, but for me, it had to do with the doubts and double standards of beliefs I was brought up with. One of the hardest thing is trusting in my own journey because it meant believing in myself when others were afraid for me to be me. To be open and honest is the very qualities I was never allowed to feel, pretending to be someone else for the fear of negative judgments, living by the conditions of others, that didn't suit me because we know when something does not sit right with us. Going against what I truly felt was to simply allow those in control to control more and a bully always needs someone to belittle for them to feel powerful.

Constantly checking my thoughts, should I do this, maybe not, what if I do this, maybe not, what if I say this, maybe not. what will they think of me if I dare to say how I truly feel. Control takes away the true identity of a person, and with so many doubts manifesting slowly, a lack of confidence developes and a zero self esteem. With so much conflicting beliefs,of being afraid to be oneself, because the true self is stripped away and filled only with the introjected beliefs of a controller it is not hard for me to see how my OCD developed.

So I made that link, that OCD for me is a symptom of many doubts based on fear and control. I check the cooker, but its off and its not off. I check the door, its closed and its not closed, I close the window but its not closed,etc..

A good example to share here is this memory from childhood.

my mother put a bolt on my bedroom door , to stop my abuse.

Dilema: The door appears to be safe, it has a lock, but I am still not safe because the abuser still lives in the house.

Belief: I cannot truly feel safe, even with a lock on the door. (inadequate protection)

behaviour: must keep checking my door to make sure its locked. ( do not believe I am protected, doubts set in)

Although I have made some great changes in my life, there is one area that I have not explored yet and that also has to do with control but its all positive, and I do believe my OCD, will get less and less. Healing takes time, and honesty and looking at some stuff can only be approached and explored when I can confidently face those feelings, without re living them and using the skills and knowledge of what I have already learned

I think its me whos rambling on now!!!

Fri Feb 26 2010 22:07:35 #
Truddles
Member

I think rambling on is part and parcel of OCD, as I tend to ramble on a lot

Fri Feb 26 2010 22:16:00 #
mama
Member

I can see what you mean...I think a lot of people in the same types of situations have the same problem. I wonder still, why doesnt everyone in this type of environment develop OCD? Surely you are not the only person alive to have suffered this trauma. Not to belittle it...its horrifying. But why doesnt everyone get it then? It seems unfair at times that we have this reaction to trauma while others dont get as extreme a reaction. Do you think it is ALL learned behavior then? Our coping skills were never allowed to develop? I dont know...I know people who have learned the coping skills, but still have to practice CBT daily to keep maintained...because the impulses never quit producing anxiety...the subject shifts, but the never ending impulses and physical reactions dont. They have slowed to a tolerable level for me with Prozac, but I'm not convinced I can 'manage' my way out of this completely...hmm. You will have to let me know your thoughts.
Andrea

Sat Feb 27 2010 5:19:25 #
Blueskies
Member

Good morning Andrea and everyone else here!!

If we think about anxiety disorders in general the theme that underlies these conditions is STRESS. Docs and medical pros will also say likewise. Meds are given to relieve symptoms not the cause. Many sufferers of anxiety had developed their disorder in childhood often keeping it a secret as you know for years. As children would it still be a chemical inbalance in the mind? or do the symptoms get worse because the environment remains the same.

We all know that if we constantly worry about something, we can feel those symptoms ( physcological ) within the body.

example: A child starts school, he is aware his mother is taken him to school. He begins to worry, or anticipate a sense of nervousness of leaving her. The day before he begins to feel sick, and says he has a tummy ache and generally feels poorly and cries. His mother reasures him that everything will be ok, he will meet new friends etc... He pleads not to go because he feels unsafe only for a short time. He wonders what will happen in school, will mummy come back etc, what will it be like, will he feel safe not knowing anyone and so his thoughts continue.

Now as a child a doc would never say , neither parents or carers, that the child is suffering from mild to normal stress. In fact his reactions to change is normal and he gets the postitive reassurance that he needs to help him believe that mummy is coming back, because at home time ,she is there waiting for him with wide open arms.

Now as adults with our Stress levels very high, we will often seek the same reasurance from others in our own enviromnent depending on the issue at present or beliefs that were formed many years ago, all inter-related.

But if we constantly seek re assurance from others as an adult , to help us cope with our disorders and it does not work, then what are the skills we need, what do we need to feel, what do we need to change, etc.. to trust in ourselves. How easy is it to avoid something uncomfortable when someone else can do it for us. How do we create independance, how do we create dependance?

My own personal experience it is learned behaviour, and without postitive re inforcements , judgments, criticism, high expectations, emotional neglect these all play a part in the developement of OCD and anxiety disorders for many.

Why doesn't everyone develope OCD, I cannot answer that, neither can the pros. If its not OCD, it could be something else, eating disorder, BDD, other phobias etc..... all related to high levels of stress. Why someone is predisposed to one condition and not the other, is hard, but never the less, the underlying symptoms are Stress related and everybody needs some level of stress to cope with life. it only becomes unberable I feel or becomes a problem if their is in my view too much negativity in a persons life beliefs be it childhood or something that happened to an adult only a few years ago.

There is alway so much to think about regarding this topic, and I am glad to have the opportunity to share my thoughts and learn from others. I haven't got time now but would love to know this from others:

actually I will start a new topic!!!

Have a nice weekend all.

Pam

Sat Feb 27 2010 9:40:56 #