OCD Action

slogsweep
Member

Hi everyone,

Tomorrow I start CBT, well either tomorrow or Friday and I'm a bundle of nerves. I have false memory OCD and have done since I was about 10, along with bouts of HOCD, checking OCD, cleaning OCD and I managed to recollect an early ROCD experience. Any OCD that can be put into an acronym I've probably had at some point,

The thing is, how am I supposed to get better if I've no idea what life is like without OCD? I don't know what it is to be 100% mentally healthy?

I also have very little idea on the things I'll be asked which is worrying me somewhat. Well, everything worries me, that's why I'm in this mess!

I hope you're all doing ok, thanks for any help or reading,

Slog

Wed Jan 18 2012 15:36:21 #
Aimboy
Member

Hey slogsweep

I dont think a lot of us with OCD know whats its like to be 100% mentally healthy you've just got to take it one step at a time and realise any small victories you gain from having CBT i think then as these small steps forward begin to build up feeling better will only come naturally. Then again i think a lot of us have been OCD free even if its only for 10 minutes, for instance when i go on a game on my ps3 im completely engrossed in the game OCD seems non existent and its a great feeling. It may only be minor and is not a long term solution but shows OCD doesnt control me 24/7, though i dont know if you feel the same way?

Good luck by the way

Joe

Wed Jan 18 2012 16:20:10 #
AlwaysWearingFlorals
Member

Hey,

I've just started CBT as well, and like you I have also suffered from OCD for as long as I can remember. My therapist started by asking me to fill in a couple of forms describing the things I was anxious about, and the compulsions I had, and also to write a couple of activities or things that are important to me that my OCD makes difficult. I think it was easier to start off in this way rather than describing verbally how I was feeling/what I had been doing in regards to my OCD, as like you I was very nervous - I was on the verge of tears for most of my session - partially through talking about the OCD and partially out of a sense of relief that maybe I was taking the first step to getting better. That kind of introduction to my personal OCD took up most of the session.

I really hope it goes ok for you!

Wed Jan 18 2012 17:17:37 #
swan
Member

Hi,
I start another bout of cbt on Monday Im apprehensive like you and part of me thinks Ive got to high expextations but I know my spell at Royal Bethlem really helped. Hope it goes well for you

Wed Jan 18 2012 17:53:51 #
Truddles
Member

Hi,

It's perfectly natural to be apprehensive, but there's really nothing to worry about. It's not a test and they certainly won't be judging you. As AlwaysWearingFlorals said the first session will mainly be you filling in questionnaires and being asked about your obsessions and compulsions. It's also a chance for both you and the therapist to get to know each other.

It helps to take a brief list of your obsessions and compulsions with you and also make a note of any questions that you have.
Before you go for your first session take a look at the following -CBT Checklist It lists what good CBT should and shouldn't include and will help you to get the most out of your CBT sessions.

how am I supposed to get better if I've no idea what life is like without OCD?
Slowly but surely with the CBT you'll find out what life is like without OCD, it will come naturally as the obsessions and compulsions fade. But don't worry about it or it will become an obsession.

Do let us all know how you get on won't you?

Wed Jan 18 2012 18:38:24 #
slogsweep
Member

Thank you all for your kind replies and concern, this site and it's members truly are fantastic.

Swan I haven't got many expectations. From the outset I've maintained a realistic outlook on CBT and put in my application that I don't expect a full magical cure, I just want to live life again with a manageable amount of OCD. I hope your viewpoint comes true though. I said the other day if there were two envelopes on the table, one with a cheque for tens of millions of pounds and the other one with a magic "cure OCD completely" pill I'd take the pill every single time. I genuinely mean that 100%.

Joe I use games as an escape too. I don't like online play though, too many people. I play a lot of Nintendo both old and new, as their games don't resemble reality in any way, it's like total escapism for me.

Thank you Trudy for the link and your advice. It means a lot to know what I'm going to be doing as I was really worried about that. I was worried they might chuck me into the deep end, like to shock me into improvement.

I'll let you all know how it goes tomorrow evening. I've started dressing nicely again and I'm getting a haircut tomorrow, I guess these are little steps to restoring self esteem. Also I took a train today and I didn't sit in the same seat as I always tend to. I don't mean to go all "memememe" but I felt I should write this down,

Does this make sense to anyone? That OCD targets what matters to you most at a particular time? Like I've had relationship OCD before when that became uncertain (happy now thankfully), HOCD when it was the ultimate insult in school, ROCD when some family members died between the ages of 8-12, OCD destroyed my cricket, I was a decent cricketer but OCD turned me into a nervous wreck. It ruins important events like exams, Christmas, birthdays etc. Does anyone else feel this way or has heard of anyone else like this?

Thank you all, dearly,

Slog

Wed Jan 18 2012 21:09:57 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Slog, I feel that way a lot. OCD wrecked my careers, and wrecks a lot of my hobbies too... It isn't a nice thing to go through. It is good that you are getting the help at a young age, it will make the years ahead a lot easier to cope with. It is good that you are doing a bit to help lift your self esteem too.
Wannabe

Wed Jan 18 2012 22:03:43 #
slogsweep
Member

Hello Wannabe, thanks . How are you?

Wed Jan 18 2012 22:28:51 #
Aimboy
Member

Hey slog

I see where your coming from, I wasnt a bad footballer a few years ago, im not saying i would of been in the premier league or anything like that lol but it was something i would of liked to have kept going though i decided to stop it due to OCD and anxiety. I did air cadets for a while aswell and never really enjoyed trips out cause of anxiety:/ Same with what you said with birthdays and christmas, and its only started to impact on exams now.

Joe

Wed Jan 18 2012 22:47:51 #
Mike
Member

The cognitive therapy is easy. It's the ERP that's hard. It takes discipline and mental toughness.

Wed Jan 18 2012 22:53:29 #
Truddles
Member

If done correctly the cognitive side of CBT is just as hard as ERP just in a different way and is just as important.

Wed Jan 18 2012 23:06:11 #
slogsweep
Member

Well, I'm off on my way to my first appointment, bit nervous but not too bad. Thanks again everybody,

Slog

Thu Jan 19 2012 12:26:19 #
slogsweep
Member

Hi everyone, today I ran through various traumas and OCD phases from the past. It was a sort of evaluation again. My therapist seems really nice and understanding and I feel much better for going. I have a full course of CBT coming, so pleased.

Thank you all again,

Slog

Thu Jan 19 2012 20:02:56 #
wannabefree
Member

Well done Slog on that appointment! Good stuff, keep us posted on how it is going. Thank you for sharing.
Wannabe

Thu Jan 19 2012 20:27:21 #
Truddles
Member

Well done I'm pleased to hear that you have an understanding therapist it makes all the difference.

Thu Jan 19 2012 21:24:23 #