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Anxiety Unit at the Bethlam Royal

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  • Started 3 years ago by brennie
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  1. Avatar Image

    brennie
    Member

    Hiya friends,
    Sorry i have been away from the forum awhile but i have been on a holiday, anyway just wanted to let you ALL know that i have missed everyone.
    I have got my new addmitance date for the Bethlam Royal which is the 13th October ( 3 weeks time ) "OH ! MY GOD " i am petrified , i have chickened out twice before as most of you already know ! are'nt i coward ? but it is very very frightening when you have suffered fron acute severe ocd for 48yrs.
    Hope everyone is o.k.

    love and best wishes
    brennie x
    :)
    Mon Sep 22 2008 17:33:35 #
  2. Avatar Image

    sammy
    Member

    hI brennie,
    Great news that you have got a new appointment for the hospital i really hope you manage to keep it.
    i have been wondering how you were, i hope you had a nice holiday and it was nice to see you back here.
    Take care
    Sammy x
    Mon Sep 22 2008 23:33:54 #
  3. Avatar Image

    brennie
    Member

    Sammy, thanks for your kind words hunny :) how are you keeping my dear ?
    love brennie x
    Tue Sep 23 2008 0:23:27 #
  4. Avatar Image


    Unregistered

    Dear Bren, I know enough of what you face daily to realize you are far from being a coward. I think that now you have more time to prepare you will make it to the Bethlem. The last couple of times were sprung on you at such short notice. The board hasn't been the same without you, Bren, I hope you will have some internet access when you are at the Bethlem.

    Sammy, how are you doing?

    Love, Tricia.
    Tue Sep 23 2008 11:16:55 #
  5. Avatar Image

    anxiousgal
    Member

    Hi Brennie!

    Welcoem back! I was ondering why you've nto been on here, missed you! :) I must admit I've not been on the forum too much myself. I think it's great that the Bethlem have offered you another place, I think you should try and go this time because the way I look at it is if you don't like it at least you can then say you tried. At least as Tricia says you have time to prepare this time so that will help alot.

    Luv Natasha
    Tue Sep 23 2008 11:23:01 #
  6. Avatar Image

    sammy
    Member

    Only me again, thanks for asking how i am it was really sweet of you. Im ok i suppose, had some good days but the last two days haven't been that great. But i will just keep trying to battle on and hope that one day soon this will be all over but i don't think it will work like that will it!!! never mind hey.
    Take care
    Sammy
    Tue Sep 23 2008 14:17:38 #
  7. Avatar Image

    brennie
    Member

    Hi Tricia, Natasha, Sammy,
    Thanks for your support its good to know that i have you guys to back me up , its gonna be hard for me to get to the hospital because i have to travel on 3 trains and the underground train by myself but this time " i will go ", are'nt i the big girl hey ! X-D
    I am going to take my laptop with me onto the unit so hopefully i will be able to keep in contact with you all , i am going to need all the support i can get during my 12 weeks stay.

    Love to ALL,
    brennie x
    Tue Sep 23 2008 16:13:54 #
  8. Avatar Image


    Unregistered

    Just remember, Bren, you will have all our support whether you go or whether you don't and whether you stay for the whole three months or not. No-one here will judge you or tell you what to do. I know you will quickly make friends on the unit and everyone will be supporting you, there and on here. The people I know who have been to the Bethlem all say what a wonderful atmosphere of support and camaraderie there is.

    Love, Tricia x
    Wed Sep 24 2008 12:33:17 #
  9. Avatar Image

    anxiousgal
    Member

    Hi Brennie!

    Wow, that sounds like quite a trip! Maybe you could catch up on your reading on route! That's good that your taking your laptop with you.Do let us know how it all goes! :D

    Luv Natasha
    Wed Sep 24 2008 12:44:20 #
  10. Avatar Image

    Hester
    Member

    Hi brennie,

    Nice to see you again! I hope you manage to keep your appointment. You're not a coward at all!

    Hester xx
    Wed Sep 24 2008 19:33:03 #
  11. Avatar Image

    brennie
    Member

    Getting awful frightening panic attacks over this admittance to hospital, i have not had these cant swallow feelings for ages but last night and today i have been feeling dreadfull, suppose its just the fear of the unknown.
    Yesterday my assigned therapist rang me and asked for me to be at the hospital as early as possible because she has arranged a physical medical for me .... i panicked and said WHY do i need a physical medical ? i am terrified of white coats and medicals, oh ! god why am i such a mardy

    love to all brennie x
    Wed Sep 24 2008 19:49:51 #
  12. Avatar Image

    sammy
    Member

    Hi brennie,
    panic attacks are horrid things and they are frightening and i think you are proberly right about the fear of the unknown. And i don't think you are mardy at all i think you are a very brave, kind lady who is going to do her best to make it to the hospital. And if you get there im sure people there will see what a lovely lady you obviously are and do everything they can to help you settle in. And if you dont make it i still you are a brave lady because you tried your best to go.
    take care
    Sammy x
    Wed Sep 24 2008 20:18:47 #
  13. Avatar Image

    anxiousgal
    Member

    Hi brennie!

    Are you scared of hospitals in general out of interest? Cos that could affect your going to the Bethlem perhaps? i spent quite a bit of my childhood in hospitals and they scare me as much now as they did then because of all these superbugs or whatever.I am scared of the dentist too! But the Bethlem isn't a regular hospital or the dentist so it should be fine.I guess they have to give you a physical medical to check you are fit for treatment? Becuase say you had a bad heart or asthma or whatever it may affect you if the treatment is stressful? They probably just want to check you are healthy that's all.

    Luv Natasha
    Thu Sep 25 2008 11:39:36 #
  14. Avatar Image

    Marie
    Member

    Hi Brennie
    You are no coward !!! And dont say that to yourself.
    You have time to get your head around it and its something you need to do for you my Dear.
    If i didnt have the children to look after i would go definatly.
    Jane x
    Thu Sep 25 2008 17:48:24 #
  15. Avatar Image

    brennie
    Member

    Hi , its 2am and i cant sleep again i'm having such a bad night checking and counting, i know this is due to the pressure of getting through the next couple of weeks thinking about the fear of going into hospital.
    I hate the thought of leaving my home and going into a place where i havent got the control of my rituals at home ( this is who i am ) and i am not sure if i can make the changes that are going to be expected of me , i'm afraid i have got used to the way i am ( even though my life is full of crappy ocd ).
    I'm sat here now sweating with panick and thinking and actually talking to myself saying if i say to myself " i'm not going " thats it Brenda mind made up stop putting yourself through the torment and fear you silly sod then perhaps i will be able to take another sleeping tablet and put my mind at rest for tonight at least, i'm so tired ! is this really worth the anguish i;m putting myself through ... help me someone please to make this terrifying big decision, i cant take this pressure.
    Sorry to be a pain,
    brennie x
    Fri Sep 26 2008 2:33:35 #
  16. Avatar Image

    Dan9
    Member

    Sorry that you're still up at this hour.... I don't post on here often now but I've been reading!

    It's almost 3am soon, so I hope that you've finally managed to get to sleep.
    I can't begin to imagine how anxious and scared you are about the prospect of going. Please try not to worry yourself over things such as your doubting whether you'll be able to make the changes that you think they'll expect of you. They won't 'expect' anything of you, try not to put too much pressure on yourself.
    Even though OCD makes your life hell at times, I think many of us are aware that thinking about things changing, even if it is for the better can be a worrying thought.
    The wait to go in will be hard, but isn't it worthwhile going through the extra anxiety in the short term to perhaps gain and enjoy an easier, more enjoyable life in the long term. Brennie, I know none of what I've wrote will make a dent in lessening how you're feeling at the moment, but I hope you can find that extra strength from somewhere to sit out these next couple of weeks.
    I think you've done amazingly well to set this new date to go in....I haven't even made it to an assessment yet :-// I really hope that you can use the support you have here to spur you on x
    Fri Sep 26 2008 2:59:24 #
  17. Avatar Image

    anxiousgal
    Member

    Hi brennie, I'm worried about you!

    I did write alot of stuff but my connection was lost! I'm not really sure what to say because I could give examples of overcoming fears but this is different I guess. I was trying to help with what I put because I thought you were scared of the medical or scared they may not let you leave the hospital like a medical one.Have you ever seen a therapist for CBT out of interest? Did it help at all? Or do you have bad memories of therapy and it puts you off? I'm just wondering because past experiences can put us off trying again at times. But you know what? Usually things turn out ok in the end. I have an idea, why don't you get a pen and paper and write a list of pros and cons about going to the hospital? that way you could maybe make a decision based on that? I the pros out way the cons go if they don't don't go? I don't know if it'll help or not but it's an idea. I also think that maybe distracting yourself with a hobbie or even just doing some chores or shopping could help. I find the more I worry bout upcoming dreaded events the worse my OCD becomes and I get ill. Not sure if any of this will help at all.

    Luv Natasha
    Fri Sep 26 2008 11:50:09 #
  18. Avatar Image

    sammy
    Member

    Hi brennie,
    i hope you are not feeling quite so anxious today. i wish i could say something which would help you and help to put you at ease.
    Did you go there for your assessment if so how did you get on going for that?
    take care
    sammy x
    Fri Sep 26 2008 13:25:18 #
  19. Avatar Image

    stevieb
    Member

    Hello Brennie

    That's great news that you're going to the Bethlam hospital soon, and I can understand how scary the thought must be for you. Try not to be, I'm sure they will be very nice people who will look after you and help you, professionals who will make you feel at ease. I'm sure that when you get there and settle in, you'll realize that there was really no need for you to have been so nervous, but I do understand why you are.

    Just don't let it stop you, be determined that you're going through with it no matter how afraid you may feel. And don't forget that we're all behind you, and if you can keep in touch with us while you're there, that will help you as well.

    By the way, you mentioned going on holiday recently, I hope you had a more enjoyable time than the last time you went away.

    Anyway, best wishes, Bren.

    Steve xx
    Sun Sep 28 2008 14:52:03 #
  20. Avatar Image

    stevieb
    Member

    I forgot to add this, Bren, but don't think of yourself as a coward. A coward would have given up the ghost many years ago, and coiled into a corner, but you're still battling with determination.

    Thumbs up to you! :D

    Steve
    Sun Sep 28 2008 14:56:42 #
  21. Avatar Image

    brennie
    Member

    Thank you ALL for your lovely warm wishes and thanks for your ecouragement, today i have bought my train ticket which took my breath away ( believe me ).
    Anyway only got 2 weeks to wait now so it will soon pass, suppose it would be easier if i had the support of my hubby and daughter but i suppose that is not going to happen.
    I think that they are both hopeing i might change my mind again and not go , but this time i have decided that i am doing this for me, i have wasted too much of my life doing what is best for everyone else.
    I realize that it may be an embarrasment for my daughter to tell her friends that her mother is in a mental hospital but hey! ho! for once i need to do this for me ! and if there is a possible chance that somehow i can get a little reprieve / help to cope better with this dissorder well perhaps " i have to give it a go ".
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the kind wishes from all my friends on here,

    Love to ALL,
    brennie x

    p.s. Sammy my friend and her husband took me for my assessment in April, it was a gruelling 3/4 hrs of questions but the Phsyciatrist was wonderful and respectfully kind.
    Sun Sep 28 2008 19:18:29 #
  22. Avatar Image

    anxiousgal
    Member

    Hi brennie!

    Good for you! And as for your daughter I know she is not in school anymore where people pry, It's not as if she has to broadcast it is it? She doens't have to tell anybody if she doens't want to so don't let that worry you. It is shockign that your family don't wan tyou to go I can understand if they are worried about you but if it's becuase of the stigma of mentla illness you do righ tto ignore them and go for it!

    Luv Natasha
    Mon Sep 29 2008 11:15:58 #
  23. Avatar Image

    bordergirl
    Member

    Good Luck Brennie, I know how hard the decisison is but it will be the best thing you ever do. You have faced many obstacles with your OCD and this is just another of the hurdles, sometimes it is scary to face our fears as OCD is a part of us and removing it almost means removing who we are. I have managed to almost eliminate most of my OCD and life is so much better without the constant fear. It is possible to improve our lives and I honestly belive that getting to Bethlehem will be one of the hardest but ultmately the most beneficial things you can do. In the past the time wasnt right so don't be too hard on yourself, buying the ticket is amazing and this time you will make it. I will be thinking and praying for you.

    Love Bordergirl.

    Hi to all, missed you and think about you often. I have been feeling great, of course I still have blips but life is never easy with or without OCD.

    Thanks for being there when I needed you most. :D :D :D xxxxxxxx
    Tue Sep 30 2008 0:07:26 #
  24. Avatar Image

    brennie
    Member

    Bordergirl, thanks so much for saying that you will think about me and pray for me, your support is so much appreciated.
    I am so pleased you are feeling much better with your ocd , dont worry about the odd blips that you have now and again that is bound to happen , the fact that you are in better control of it is wonderful ,,, i'm so pleased for you.
    Please keep in touch its always nice to hear from a loving careing person like yourself :)

    Take care
    love brennie x
    Tue Sep 30 2008 9:19:21 #
  25. Avatar Image


    Unregistered

    Bren dear, I'm running late, I'll call you later.

    Love, Tricia x
    Tue Sep 30 2008 12:50:43 #
  26. Avatar Image

    sammy
    Member

    hI Brennie
    its was great to hear that you had brought your train ticket and to read your positive outlook on it. I really hope you can keep it up. i am glad that your psychiatrist at your assessment was nice and understanding try to remember this when you are having doubts. im sure they will all be like that. Thinking of you, take care
    sammy x
    Wed Oct 1 2008 13:22:42 #
  27. Avatar Image

    Marie
    Member

    Hi Brennie
    Im glad you have bought your ticket thats a step in the right direction. Your doing this for yourself now, bugger anyone else, if they could be in your shoes for just one day then they would be jumping at the chance to get better.
    Jane x
    Wed Oct 1 2008 21:17:53 #
  28. Avatar Image

    brennie
    Member

    Hi everyone and a great big THANK YOU for all the kind and supportive messages, i am so lucky to have friends like you :)
    To be very honest as the time is drawing nearer i am getting really stressed about the hospital, i think mostly the reason is because its so very far away from home, i have never been on underground trains before and the thought of it is petrifying me, but i am trying desperately hard not to let this fear put any more obstacles in my way.

    love brennie x
    Wed Oct 1 2008 23:06:06 #
  29. Avatar Image

    anxiousgal
    Member

    Hi brennie!

    That's great news about getting your ticket. I know how you feel about the underground, it's so hectic isn't it?! Have you a friend who can come with you on the journey? That might help you. But if not, how about listening to some music on an ipod or whatever music personal stereo you have? I find music can relax me (but make sure you don't miss your stop! ;-) )

    Luv Natasha
    Thu Oct 2 2008 11:36:42 #
  30. Avatar Image


    Unregistered

    Bren, I wish you were not making the journey alone. I''ll phone you and talk to you about this, I've got a suggestion. Love, Tricia.
    Thu Oct 2 2008 12:07:16 #

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