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I wish I could talk about my problems more, but by the end of the day I get so tired and forget about what was troubling me. Consequently, I have an issue that I haven't dealt with properly.
I feel like I don't care about the idea that I think I'm this person I always mention. As a consequence, I fear what I could do. And with that in mind, I don't think it will happen 
Hi Giles,
The unwanted negative labels we can give our self , doesn't mean we are or will become that person or live out those beliefs. I have learnt recently, perhaps more accurately, that sometimes we only identify with a negative part of us when we feel down, BUT, the other great aspects about our self , the good that we do, the positive other qualites we have, these also make up the whole of us. We are never defined by only one part! never!!! 
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Oh thank god I've had a half day today. I can finally expel my clouded urine that is OCD. Anyone like a drink Umbungo? Lol!
The reason I tried humour there is because I'm going to be writing more negative stuff. This is from yesterday evening. I had trouble sleeping again, due to visual exposure going too well (I think its because I am getting anxious when I'm doing this, or blocking as soon as the slightest negative impulse occurs). Heres my stuff from yesterdays writing on a bit of random A4 paper:
"The evening has been an incredibly messed up time for me. I felt like I was a paedophile and didn't care one bit. Reading that is absurd, its just OCD acting up. The bully, known as OCD will make it seem as though I don't care and the side of me that is frightened and remorseful is nullified. This results in losing the ability to feel the action is wrong and so reinforces the belief. Its just I have been having reactions again. This time from watching youtube videos - a 20yr old man reviewing bootleg games consoles and ipods. The reason for this is because he sounds like a child. I also read in a book about a video art piece where a half naked and lady were wresting each other, with chickens down their pants. Upsetting. It just makes the things I keep thinking about seem normal. I'm wondering if I should be on the OCD websites. Perhaps I really am a pedo monster.
I think I know what triggered these thoughts off. It was a write up in the sky channel guide about how the American child porn industry was worth over $150 million. This is seriously disturbing. I said to myself at the time I would work my way up to watching this as exposure . It would confirm me as a pedo monster though, wouldn't it? When I see other posts with my OCD and I try to help I'm so convinced I am a pedo that I cannot believe in what I am saying. God what does this mean? And how the buggering hell have I managed to make 80 words cover an entire side of A4?"
I'm feeling a bit better now, but I felt very depressed at work today, despite only having to do 3 hours (half day and lieu time owed). Its almost as though I am deceiving everyone on this forum.
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