OCD Action

OCDLONELY
Member

Last night I tried to talk to my ex girlfriend about us and the chance we could make things work. She has been making me wait for her decision for some time now and I spent a whole week not talking to her and it was awful, I couldn't sleep or eat and just was stuck in my head. She was meant to decide on Friday but sadly she lost her beloved dog. When I found out I called her and offered her support and she didn't want it or want to talk. We spoke next on Sunday and she still didn't want to talk at all and it was really not good. She said she may come on Tuesday and she didn't come on so I called and she said she didn't want to but eventually I got her too but she was so angry. Telling me all I was doing to hurt her and not believing my explanations. I explained and explained and she finally seemed to accept it and she said she loved me and wanted to be with me but can't lose her part time job. I was waiting all this time and she knew she wouldn't ever take the chance. She then said she isn't sure about us and if she is even ready for me and everything is ruined. I said is it over then? Will we ever talk again. She says I don't know. I say can we talk tomorrow after your appointment, I don't know and it just kept going on like this. I said well you have to choose and she said I can't lose my job its too big a decision so I said you have chosen and said goodbye and left. She emailed me wondering if someone on a forum was talking bad about me and said when I hung up she typed sorry and that was it. Why bother? What was the meaning? She then talked to a mutual friend and as they were talking she was looking for my picture as she wanted to see it. What do I do? She doesn't want me or won't choose me but keeps giving me little signs and then takes them away and wants me to wait and will never decide. I don't think I can live like this. I don't think I could ever love again or be that open again. She knew everything about me and seemed to truly love me but now I'm wrong and mean and pressuring her and making her do things she doesn't want. I can't win either way. I am so ill. I have not slept in 2 weeks or eaten for atleast 6 days and I can't do anything but worry. I called the crisis team and they can't help at all and I have to wait until the 19th to see someone. I am almost out of my meds too and just feel like I'm losing it. What do I do?

Wed Sep 7 2011 11:00:07 #
Truddles
Member

Hi,

A relationship is a two way thing and as far as I can see it's always what she wants. She's using you and has you dangling on the end of a piece of string and the relationship as from what you say become destructive and it's you that's suffering not her.
It's time for you to cut the string and think of your well being and not panda to her. With people like that you will never win and at the moment you are the most important person and need to consider your health and well being.

If you've not slept in two weeks and not eaten for 6 days and are almost out of your medication you should go to A&E. You will be seen there by the on call psychiatrist and they should be able to provide you with the help that you need.

You are not alone you have all of us on the forum. Your life is far from over though when you're depressed and overwhelmed it's difficult to see a future. But there is one. Consider this to be a new beginning and we'll all be here to help you.

PM me if you need to talk.

Trudy

Wed Sep 7 2011 11:22:13 #
Allison
Member

When I felt really down the other month I just turned up at my doctors crying and they had to see me. Believe me I didnot want to do this but I knew that if I rang they'd just put me off. You obviously need help right now especially if your meds are running out. Is there any way you could get yourself down to your doctors and let them see the state you are in?

Wed Sep 7 2011 11:27:42 #
chatterfairy
Member

Hi

I have been reading some of your posts you have written on the forum over the past few weeks. I agree with Truddles - she is making all the decisions and as difficult as it might seem, you have to accept it will never work and move on with your life. Harsh words I know, but I think you have to realise this as you deserve better.

I broke up with someone after 4.5 years, just before we were meant to move away together. The most difficult yet also the best thing I ever did. This was over 3 years ago now and I have now met someone else, we are engaged and getting married next year. This is by no means to 'rub it in your face', but more to show you that after leaving someone at a time when we were moving away and feeling very low (for 2 weeks I didn't eat, couldn't sleep exactly as you describe) I am now over it and have found someone I deserve.

Please realise you owe it to yourself to break away and get on with your life.

Wed Sep 7 2011 11:41:05 #
Allison
Member

Hope you are feeling okay. Take care

Thu Sep 8 2011 23:37:56 #
Aubrey
Member

Sorry to hear this OCDLONELY. I don't have much advice as I'm in a similar situation (except that I'm the architect of my own destruction, having been, quite frankly, vile). However, I'm thinking of you. I haven't slept well in a few months (except the odd okay night) and I know how this just compounds the problem. Drinking heavily just gives me fitful sleep so I'm now returning to Night Nurse as this worked at a previous bad time of my life. However, I wouldn't recommend this and, as other posters have suggested, I would urge you to seek professional support (or, indeed, presenting at A&E).

Mon Sep 19 2011 15:21:14 #
fozzy
Member

For goodness sake Aubrey dont let your problem get the better of you. If it
helps you to know i have been pretty vile too. If things get so bad please
please contact the Samaritans, they wont judge you and you can pour all your
heart out to them. I really hope this helps you. Thinking of you, Albert, with
a prayer for you.

Wed Sep 21 2011 9:09:09 #