OCD Action

lioness
Member

Before the previous month or so I have had a period of stress which seems to have made my OCD flare up again. What I find really strange is that in the past I have had obsessions that have been all consuming, one at a time and gone on for weeks if not months. This time I have had numerous obsessions within one month and sometimes more then one obsession at a time. For example, only last week I was totally obsessed with schizophrenia for about 3 days and then it went, then I got totally obsessed with bi-polar for about 2 days and then it went, I also got all OCD about the meaning of life for about 4 days but that seems to have gone, and now I've got the nasty obsessions back which I'm hating but trying to just ignore them. I don't know if this is normal? I know I am much better at not engaging in my ocd then I used to and I don't carry out my compulsions 90% of the time when I get a new obsession or an old one crops up. Its harder to do this with mental compulsions but I'm trying my best. It seems as if because of this stress I've had my OCD is determined to take hold so when I overcome one obsession by ignoring it, it just turns into something new. Does anyone else get this, I'm wondering whether I should just give into one of the obsessions like the cleaning just so it doesn't morph into something worse, which I feel like its already doing

Fri Jun 26 2009 20:19:31 #
Unregistered

Lioness, I must apologize for ignoring your original message in your thread 'My Story'. I do keep meaning to reply to it, but I became distracted, and upset, by the 'evil spirit' comment of Dan's. I have just re-read that thread and I don't think I have ever read a person's story on here who has had such similar symptoms to mine. We differ on a few, but your early experiences of OCD, collecting fir cones, cutting pictures from magazines to save them from ending up in landfill and feeling sorry for the cuddly toy that was left on the shelf which you had to buy because you felt it was sad and lonely are all things I've done. You feared meningitis, with me it was appendicitis and, bizarrely, rabies (even though Britain is rabies-free, I suppose an inconsequential thing like that is irrelevant to an OCD mind!) I had the same kind of ritual prayer, the same contamination fears and the obsession that I was evil. I, too, worried I would push someone in front of a train. I was standing on a railway platform once and felt I would throw myself in front of a train, which was bizarre because I wasn't depressed at the time. I moved to the back of the platform, because I felt I would do it, then as the train arrived I was convinced I'd rush forward and push someone else in front of it, which was obviously worse.

Like you, I obsess about many things and they can change after a few days. I also know what you mean about the temptation of giving in to cleaning obsessions because you worry your OCD could morph into something worse. I'm not sure we can control it in that way, though, but I worry just the same as you. I was upset because my family opposed in-patient treatment at the Bethlem. I desperately wanted to give it a try, still do. But, there is one concern and that is that I could rid myself of my contamination fears (which are very extreme) and revert to a pure 'O' kind of problem. For many years I lived with intrusive thoughts which almost drove me crazy. Contamination OCD does prevent me from doing so much and causes great anxiety, but there are times, usually a period in the evenings, when the cleaning is done and I can relax. With pure 'O' I was never able to enjoy anything because my mind never let-up for a second - music, books a drama on TV, nothing took my mind off the intrusive thoughts, in fact such things often triggered even more.

I understand the loneliness and how you are reluctant to tell people what you are going through. I believe you said that you hoped to be offered CBT soon. I do wish you luck with that, it does benefit most people. Also, talking here helps, you know you won't be regarded as strange and there will always be someone who has experienced similar symptoms.

Tricia x

P.S. I did fear that I was schizophrenic, but meeting up with a lady who suffered from this helped me. Firstly, I could see the difference between the conditions. Secondly, with her anti-psychotic medication she was doing very well and living a more normal life than me!

P.P.S. All the OCD sufferers I have known have said that their symptoms become worse when they are more stressed.

Sat Jun 27 2009 14:26:04 #
jon
Member

Lioness,
I have the same problem in that if I ignore or resist one obsession eventually another will take its place. Usually (but not always) I am able to deal better with the new obsession having not given in to the previous obsession's compulsion. If I give in, even though it relieves the anxiety, I dont feel any satisfaction as it feels like a defeat and I know there well be payback down the line. For me the longer I can avoid doing a compulsion the better it is in the longer term because I feel that I am in control and not the OCD. You have to try and do what you feel works best for you in the longer term.
Jon

Mon Jun 29 2009 13:45:41 #
Moocher
Member

I've never really suffered badly from intrusive thoughts. I do get them, probably more often than I'd care to admit but I've never really done any kind of ritual to try and stop them. I wish I didn't get them in the first place but when I do, the way I think about it is, that nobody can see what I'm thinking and as far as I'm concerned I don't have any intention of acting on the thoughts. If I did act on them, I'd know I had other problems than OCD.
I think it does really help to know that nobody can see my thoughts. Nobody knows about it but me. I think it'd be horrible if every time you had a thought, strangers could laugh at it or people would try and reason with you and tell you the thought meant nothing. It's better to be able to deal with it in my own way.
Last night I passed a man in the street who had really bad Tourettes. It would be even worse, I think, to have something like that so you couldn't hide it from other people and would always be under their judgement.

Thu Jul 2 2009 8:16:09 #
Unregistered

I know it's wrong to make comparisons, but I guess we all do it at times. I was watching a documentary on Tourette's and I did find it distressing and I felt very sorry for the sufferers. However, there is a man with Tourette's who shops in the same supermarket as me. I cannot tell whether his hell is as great as mine. Whether, like me, he has a sleepless night before facing the weekly shopping, because the experience is so terrifying.

I am no longer able to hide all my OCD symptoms from others, and that is a source of embarrassment, but for me the fear of contamination is greater than the embarrassment. The embarrassment, and knowing there are those who will stare, and ridicule, might cause just as high a level of fear for the man with Tourette's. All I can say is that I'd rather have Tourette's, because even if I couldn't leave my home for fear people would stare and I would show myself or my family up, I could have peace of mind within my home. When intrusive thoughts are intense and constant there is never a moment's peace anywhere. I believe I read that 50% of Tourette's sufferers also have OCD. I can't imagine how bad their lives must be.

I was at a concert awhile back, and the fear I'd shout something out during a quiet piece spoiled my enjoyment somewhat. I then thought about those with Tourette's and how they probably would never dare attend certain public functions. At least with OCD I can go out. I can go out, but there's no pleasure in it, because the fear won't leave me.

Moocher, I see what you mean about your intrusive thoughts, but I suppose it depends how much a person does believe them or how distressed they are by them. I think the intensity of the thoughts also makes a difference. Arran at the moment is being tortured by his and I know exactly how that feels. I know someone who has intrusive thoughts about dying and he finds them terribly hard to deal with. Mine have reverted to the deaths of loved ones. I receive a call from a member of my family and I have a terrible thought that they will die and it's the last time I'll hear their voice. It's unbearable. A therapist said the way to deal with this kind of thought is to stop the compulsive rituals which I perform in order to keep loved-ones safe, but I don't have any rituals. I'm not sure he believed me. Another therapist said that the reality of losing a loved-one wouldn't be as painful as the intrusive thoughts that they'd die. From experience I can say that for me that's not true.

Thu Jul 2 2009 14:10:00 #