OCD Action Online Forums » Topic: Still At War

OCD Action Online Forums » Topic: Still At War http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war It's Time to Act. OCD Action provides support and information for people affected by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Tue, 22 May 2012 16:58:17 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/search.php stevieb on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war/page/2#post-36057 Sun, 13 Dec 2009 17:51:24 +0000 stevieb 36057@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hello Tricia Nothing is wrong with you, its just the OCD making you feel that way. You're not evil, just someone who is sick of being infested with mice. Most decent, ordinary people would use mouse traps which would kill the mice, and feel no compassion towards the dead mouse. And those people are NOT evil. But you did feel a lot of compassion for the fried mouse. You only did what you had to do, and didn't even get an ounce of pleasure out of it. But a lot of people would have done. So its just your OCD again, Tricia, ignore it. Wombat, I've no idea where exactly the mouse is getting in. If I did, I may try your idea. Then if that failed to stop it coming in, then the next step would be to set a trap right at its entry point. So the next time the nuisance decided to enter my flat, there'd be a rather unpleasant surprise waiting for it.... <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_wink.gif" title=":wink:" class="bb_smilies" /> lol Anonymous on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war/page/2#post-36053 Sun, 13 Dec 2009 16:41:05 +0000 Anonymous 36053@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Teresa, I’m sorry, I have just read the latest messages here. I’ll add you as a friend, but don’t forget you can e-mail me any time. I will write to you later in the week, I’ve not forgotten you, but things have been so hectic with the mice etc. I do hope you are doing better than you were. Truddles, we seem to have a lot in common, don’t we? It’s not senility, nor actual OCD, it’s the stress caused by it. I am struggling to recall who I’ve replied to. Like you, I either eat very little when depressed or crave food, especially chocolate, all the time. I reached the conclusion, today, that I am beyond help. I was actually banging my head and sobbing in despair a few weeks ago, when the mice kept appearing and the panic over contamination was overwhelming me. We’ve been down to one or two for the last three weeks. I know because so little food is being eaten. The mouse won’t go near any traps, wooden where they can be released or electronic. It’s been existing on crumbs. Eventually, out of desperation, it entered one of the electronic traps and died instantly. I removed it’s body and sobbed when I saw how emaciated it was. I also think of its weeks of living alone and I feel so depressed and evil. My husband is the opposite, relieved it’s gone. What the hell is wrong with me?! Love, Tricia xx Wombat140 on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war/page/2#post-35963 Thu, 10 Dec 2009 19:11:01 +0000 Wombat140 35963@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Steve, this is just an idea, but it might work. Can you find where the mouse gets in? If so, try sprinkling a lot of pepper there. A mouse's nose is practically on the ground, so I should think that would put it off! Or if you can get at the place it is when it makes all the noise, you could just put an old sheet or something in the bottom of it to stop the noise. Worked a treat when we had mice in our loft. Wombat140 truddles on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war/page/2#post-35912 Tue, 08 Dec 2009 18:29:56 +0000 truddles 35912@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hi Tricia, I really must get a little more organised as getting confused as to who I have and haven't replied to OCD or just plain senility <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_question.gif" title=":?:" class="bb_smilies" /> Seriously I'm dreading the size of utility bills this winter. Good job not on a water meter or I'd be bankrupt with the amount of water that I use. I appreciate the support that you've given me and I'm sorry to have frightened you. Though frightened myself with the intensity of the thoughts. I'm really depressed and either stop eating or eat for England. This time I can't stop eating, I'm permanently hungry at the moment <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_rolleyes.gif" title=":roll:" class="bb_smilies" /> Love Trudy swan on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war/page/2#post-35899 Tue, 08 Dec 2009 10:30:59 +0000 swan 35899@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hi Tricia, I have been meaning to send you a pm and add you onto my friends list but havnt managed how to do this yet. Sorry you still have the issue of the mice, my friends daughter had mice and they really made her depresed and she didn't have ocd or depression so know its going to be much much worse for you. Take care Teresa Anonymous on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war/page/2#post-35879 Mon, 07 Dec 2009 16:18:30 +0000 Anonymous 35879@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Parvez, Truddles and Steve, Sorry it seems as if I have ignored you. I've not been online for a few days. Parvez, Yes, I love Chopin's 2nd. Did you see the Beethoven lecture on BBC4 (or 2) a couple of years back? He had to have exactly 60 coffee beans in his cup and walked around his apartment pouring water over his hands. I've just seen your latest thread. I'm very pleased, will reply to it when I can. Truddles, It looks as if you and I would make a good pair. A person trying to persuade me to switch energy supplier asked whether I resided in Buckingham Palace or whether my meters were connected to the whole street! Wish I could say I am warm from all that wasted energy, but it goes on hot water mainly, I'm still shivering. I do hope you are doing better. I was very alarmed when I read your latest message. Steve, They are so crafty, aren't they? I think they can live on very small amounts of food. We are not even seeing food taken from traps now. We still hear a noise occasionally, so they haven't all gone. Tricia x Parvez Choudhry on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war/page/2#post-35823 Fri, 04 Dec 2009 15:36:21 +0000 Parvez Choudhry 35823@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Tricia wrote: <blockquote>Parvez, How is your ‘therapy’ going?</blockquote> Hi Tricia (or should I call you Ludwig? <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_wink.gif" title=":wink:" class="bb_smilies" /> ) Thanks for asking. I haven't made any progress in the last few weeks but at least I've not gone backwards. I've got to the stage where further progress would mean risking a frightening degree of contamination. At the moment there are many things I avoid touching that are probably not contaminated but there is a small chance they may be contaminated and therefore I don't risk touching them, just in case. In this way I try to preserve my own little world from becoming irretrievably soiled (you know we discussed before how a tiny contaminant can quickly spread out of control). I think I could cope living with an average standard of hygiene (ie. rarely washing my hands, stroking dogs etc.) if it weren't for my obsession about food. I don't eat sumptuous food (my food bill is about £10 per week) but I enjoy what I eat and I would say with embarrassment that food is my greatest pleasure. <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_redface.gif" title=":oops:" class="bb_smilies" /> I am petrified of getting any kind of contamination in my mouth or up my nose that would hurt my tongue or impair my taste buds and spoil my pleasure of eating. I think this is an ignoble way to be, since there are much more important issues in life, but it is so difficult to change my petty obsession. How are you feeling today, Tricia? Parvez PS. I listened to Chopin's 2nd piano concerto recently. The slow middle movement is out of this world. Beautiful and very peaceful. Do you know it? stevieb on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war/page/2#post-35801 Thu, 03 Dec 2009 00:35:40 +0000 stevieb 35801@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hello Tricia I don't think my mouse is getting into other tenants' flats here, as none of them have any mice. And I don't know what mine is living on, but I think they can go a long way on just a small amount of food on the point of the trap. I do suspect that mine is coming in from outside, anyway. And yes, he is managing to remove food from the traps, has done from a couple of traps once. <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> Steve x truddles on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war/page/2#post-35783 Wed, 02 Dec 2009 16:32:54 +0000 truddles 35783@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Tricia I asked my Pain Management Consultant for a brain and body transplant. He's said that I would have to wait as he was before me in the queue, but that he would swap places in queue if body he was offered was rubbish. Shame that we can't reboot our brains like we can computers <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_wink.gif" title=":wink:" class="bb_smilies" /> Glad I'm not the only one that walks around in underwear, I tend to do it to cut down on laundry as I think that I'm single handed keeping EDF afloat this year. Let me know how you are. Truddles Anonymous on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war/page/2#post-35779 Wed, 02 Dec 2009 16:12:03 +0000 Anonymous 35779@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Steve, I had not heard that they hibernate, but certainly they don’t breed during cold months,. Of course, it’s not that cold in the house, at least not if you have a fur coat on, me in my underwear is another story! Do you think your mouse can get into other people’s flats? I wonder what he is living on, or is he managing to remove food from the traps? Parvez, You made me laugh, thank you for that!! How is your ‘therapy’ going? Tricia x stevieb on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war/page/2#post-35764 Wed, 02 Dec 2009 00:19:06 +0000 stevieb 35764@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ I've been told that mice do hibernate in the winter, but there's no sign of mine doing that yet. I heard the little sod scrabbling about again last night. <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_mad.gif" title=":x" class="bb_smilies" /> Can't wait until one of my traps catches it. Parvez, I like that black cat in your avatar. Pretty cute. And Tricia, I hope you're okay. Best wishes all, Steve <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> Parvez Choudhry on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war/page/2#post-35759 Tue, 01 Dec 2009 18:09:41 +0000 Parvez Choudhry 35759@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hi Tricia How are you today? I am thinking of you and hoping you are feeling better. I was wondering whether this colder weather affects mice, making them stop breeding so fast or causing them to hibernate? I'm wishing you a long respite from your protracted trauma, along with a deep sense of peace and tranquility whatever the circumstances. Tricia wrote: <blockquote>Are brain transplants available yet?</blockquote>Yes, but not on the NHS. You have to pay to go private. Male brains are more expensive than female brains .... because they come in a much newer condition, having not been used so much. <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_lol.gif" title=":lol:" class="bb_smilies" /> truddles on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war/page/2#post-35610 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 18:51:14 +0000 truddles 35610@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ I noticed that too and thought it was some sort of OCD code that I hadn't been told about <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_lol.gif" title=":lol:" class="bb_smilies" /> It's partly because we tend towards perfectionism that we're all in the OCD trap. Chin up and look forward to hearing from you again. Truddles Anonymous on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war/page/2#post-35608 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 16:08:41 +0000 Anonymous 35608@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Anonymous on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war#post-35607 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 16:06:28 +0000 Anonymous 35607@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Anonymous on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war#post-35606 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 16:03:39 +0000 Anonymous 35606@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ It’s pretty trivial, I know, but does anyone know why mistakes have occurred here that were not on the old forum? I mean with messages which were on the old forum and are now here? The ‘a’ dirty in my first message on this thread mystifies me! And can we no longer preview messages? Isn't it worrying that an obsessional personality can be distraught over a fear and yet still find room for perfectionism?! Does that indicate hope for me or no hope?! Are brain transplants available yet? Anonymous on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war#post-35603 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:52:47 +0000 Anonymous 35603@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Thank you, Truddles. I don’t really have time to reply properly, but I am even more afraid to allow a doctor into my house. I nearly died of pneumonia, years ago, because of that. Eventually, my husband helped me to the surgery and the doctors were alarmed by the state of me. I was told I might die and I started to cry (but not for the reason they thought). I begged them to be as concerned about my OCD as they were a mere virus. Told the doctors I was frightened of living, not dying. Bethlem and family’s reaction, not what you might think. They truly believe it will kill me. Don’t worry I am not contemplating suicide. Wish I could be more help to you. I know you’re going through hell, too. Love, Tricia. truddles on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war#post-35602 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:30:16 +0000 truddles 35602@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hi Tricia, Sorry to butt in - I too am on the point of giving up, I know where you're coming from. If you've got chest pains and swollen ankles you should see your doctor and if you can't face the surgery get the GP to make a house call given the circumstances you are entitled to that. And if you're still worried about contamination get them to wipe the stethoscope with a wet wipe first. It's you that is ultimately suffering and if you've been accepted by the Bethlem and you think that you would benefit then seize the opportunity. It is your decision not theirs <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_exclaim.gif" title=":!:" class="bb_smilies" /> You are an adult not a child and so the choice is yours and nobody elses. Or do they like the fact that you are reliant on them? Surely they want you to get some independence back. I'm desperately hanging on please do the same. Thinking of you Truddles Anonymous on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war#post-35600 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:15:45 +0000 Anonymous 35600@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Dear Parvez, The need to make oneself clear, is something else I share with you, so don’t worry, I understand that perfectly! I once spent two weeks exchanging messages with a lady on a forum, who was obviously not understanding me at all (to make matters worse she was angry with what she believed I was saying). I tried all kinds of ways of expressing my meaning. Others on the forum kept out of it, but a few did send me PMs to say they understood me perfectly, the other person just wasn’t going to get it! I gave up, but it still made me feel uncomfortable, I still felt I hadn’t explained myself well enough. I do take your comments in a complimentary way. However, I realize that you and I do differ in some ways (other than being at slightly different positions on the spectrum of animal compassion!!). You, despite the great desire to have everything squeaky clean, can somehow accept that there are microscopic traces of dog poo everywhere. For some reason I cannot. Which is why I spent the weekend in my underwear struggling to decontaminate clothes outside with a container and hose, in the cold and the rain, and why I am too frightened to sit down while I write this. A fellow sufferer, who was severe enough to be an inpatient at the Bethlem, once used the word ‘extreme’ in a very derogatory way (something I always knew you weren’t doing). He told me I am too extreme for anyone to tolerate. He once asked me how I felt when ‘contamination’ was on me (a letter which had been posted to me was the example of contamination at the time). I said that if I couldn’t quickly shower and change, the feeling became so intolerable that I would rather die than remain like that. This was how I felt during my weeks of exposure therapy. At no point did I feel I could accept those microscopic traces and death always seemed preferable. Please don’t tell me the microscopic traces are everywhere despite my zealous behaviour. They may well be, but I feel I am doing everything in my power to avoid them, and by doing so life had been just about bearable (before the mice). I have never responded to desensitization over contamination (at least not since I’ve been an adult) and I really don’t believe I would with animals. Besides, as my daughter is as opposed to poison, even if I responded to therapy of some kind and was then prepared to use the anticoagulant poison, she wouldn’t be prepared to do so! Lambert, I’m not sure whether there are any such hospitals near me, but the Bethlem isn’t far and I have been accepted there. My family remains opposed, so treatment of any kind is no longer an option. Maybe they do know me better than I know myself. I wanted to give exposure another try, they are convinced it would be the final straw. To be honest, I don’t think I can cope with the constant fear much longer, the invasion of the mice has made life intolerable, so I don’t see I have much to lose. I have a lot of pain in my chest and my ankles are becoming very swollen. I do wonder if my heart is suffering under the strain. Too frightened to face the contamination in a GP’s surgery, so what will be will be. Even if I do survive another ten years or so like this, there is really no point in enduring constant fear and depression. I’m praying for a swift exist, to be honest. 50 years of hell is enough. Tricia x lambertsimnel on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war#post-35580 Sat, 21 Nov 2009 14:35:04 +0000 lambertsimnel 35580@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hi Tricia On a wider point re: Pyschiatrists, the one I saw who diagnosed OCD worked at a Quaker hospital, the Retreat in York. He was brilliant and I know they are often proud of success rates with patients other hospitals have struggled to treat. Is there anything like that near you? Good luck, Lambert Parvez Choudhry on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war#post-35562 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:58:35 +0000 Parvez Choudhry 35562@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Dear Tricia I am very pleased you weren't upset or offended by anything I said. But I still feel I haven't conveyed to you what I really meant by using the word extreme. I am anxious to make myself clearly understood (it's part of my OCD!) and so I want to try to explain it again. In calling you extreme I simply meant that you think & feel about animals the same way as other animal lovers do - only a bit more so. I was not implying there is anything quirky or weird or bizarre about you. I think everyone is positioned somewhere along a spectrum in their attitude towards animals. You and I are located towards the 'compassionate' end of the spectrum, with you being a little higher up than I am. In my opinion it is a compliment to be called an extreme animal lover and that's how I meant it in relation to you. My suggestion to try to desensitize yourself to animal suffering was not because it is a good thing to be less compassionate but because sometimes we have to compromise our ideals in order to cope with life. For example, I wish I could live in a world where everything was squeaky clean but I have to accept there are microscopic traces of dog poo just about everywhere on everything I touch. Unless I compromise with my ideals I would have to live the whole of my life inside a sterile plastic bubble. I am hugely sorry for you that your anxiety over the mice has driven you to hit your head against a wall and to scream for so long you lost your voice. I really wish I could end this nightmare for you. And I am very sorry that you no longer have the faithful companionship of your pet animals to console you. Please continue with the forum because there are people here who sincerely care and who understand your anxiety to some degree, even if no-one can put themselves exactly in your shoes. Hope to be in touch next week, Parvez <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> Anonymous on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war#post-35538 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:45:59 +0000 Anonymous 35538@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Message was double again and I was so careful when I clicked 'send' Tricia x Anonymous on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war#post-35537 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:45:59 +0000 Anonymous 35537@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Truddles, when I clicked on ‘send’ my message appeared twice. I deleted the second one, but of course my name remained! Parvez, I often find it difficult to convey true feelings and meanings in messages. Again, I want to stress that I have never been upset or offended by anything you’ve written. I don’t mind being called ‘extreme’ anyway, and you are not the first to say it. Either way, whether I am or not, it doesn’t distress me what label is attached to my emotions/behaviour. To be honest, I don’t feel I belong here, I don‘t mean the forum, but the world. I don’t really fit in, even with others with OCD. As I said yesterday, although I see beauty in nature, for me it’s overshadowed by a darker side, which I do find abhorrent. I don’t think I’ll change now. My daughter may have copied my behaviour somewhat, however my son could not be more different. I think most of our personality traits are there from birth. I had a quote on my wall at the age of eight. “The more I see of man, the more I like my dog.” This saying is more true for me the more encounters I have with humans. No animal has ever harmed me, those around me have sought to comfort me, with unconditional love and patience. I actually believe most animals to be better than people. I’m not sure that I believe many humans experience unconditional love. My mother wouldn’t tolerate me, couldn’t as a child, my OCD was too much. I know my husband would leave if I didn’t control my OCD to some degree. I don’t believe any family member or friend loves me unconditionally. My dogs, my bird and even my rats did. I feel that makes animals our superior. They ask little from life, are not abusing the planet and are not driven by greed. My animals also had patience and understanding over my OCD, even when I became afraid of contamination from them. As for my family suffering because of me, don’t forget my daughter was very upset with me for not putting up a fight when her dad was threatening to use the poison. Neither she nor my husband has any clue as to the extent of my suffering. I think people on the forum have a better understanding, because apart from the occasional outburst, I keep my fear from my family. They only believe I am distressed for short periods of time, when they see me crying etc (which isn’t often). Steve, I do hope you catch the mouse soon. Yes, they are incredibly crafty. Sometimes I believe mine are more intelligent than me. We don’t have many now, but I still dread the numbers increasing, and with my contamination fears one is almost as bad as twenty. I say ‘almost’, don’t want to tempt fate! Tricia x stevieb on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war#post-35530 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:48:30 +0000 stevieb 35530@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hello Tricia I'm not sure if I only have one mouse or not, but someone has been around to my flat, and found evidence that the mouse (or mice) are taking refuge beneath the kitchen cupboards. And the mouse has actually taken food offthe trap without setting it off! I know this, because I've seen that the chocolate has gone, and that the trap has moved slightly. The crafty little s*d! <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> However, I've bought a couple of new, more sophisticated traps, ready baited, but not used them yet. And I would also hate to make even a pesky mouse suffer with poison like that, I'd feel so wicked and awful. So are the mice in your house becoming less, Tricia? Hope things get better. Best wishes, Steve x Parvez Choudhry on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war#post-35508 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:02:54 +0000 Parvez Choudhry 35508@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Dear Tricia Thank you for your detailed clarification which has now helped me understand you better. I note what you say and I accept you the way you are - I would never condemn or disparage anyone. I would like to clarify my use of the word 'extreme'. All I meant was that your sensitivity towards animals is very unusual and rare. I don't think many animal lovers are as conscientious as you. Whilst I admire and respect you for being this way, it seems to me an unrealistic approach to life in a world where many animals exist by killing and eating other animals and where we human beings can't avoid killing living organisms every time we wash our hands. I wasn't thinking about the effect the mice were having directly on your family but the effect your reaction to the mice was having on your family. In previous posts you have mentioned the strain on your family arising from your agitation and OCD rituals (just as my own OCD impacts the people I live with). Sorry again if I have misunderstood your situation. I do know what it's like to feel desperate with anxiety and I do care very much about your dreadful suffering. Best wishes .... Parvez truddles on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war#post-35504 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:22:30 +0000 truddles 35504@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hi Tricia, Have you lost your voice? Nothing appeared on your last post. <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_lol.gif" title=":lol:" class="bb_smilies" /> Truddles Anonymous on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war#post-35502 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:35:05 +0000 Anonymous 35502@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Anonymous on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war#post-35501 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:35:05 +0000 Anonymous 35501@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Parvez, I was worried that my reference to your previous post might have sounded as if I were upset (later on after I had written it). I wasn’t in the slightest, and I’m sorry that it did seem that way. I am simply unsure if I am extreme. Naturally if you took a group of people my behaviour would seem extreme, and yet I do have many friends without OCD who share my views. Michael, many years ago, asked me on the forum whether I considered my vegetarianism to be a feature of my OCD. I answered ‘no’ because I know many vegetarians who do not have OCD . However, I have often considered his words (he, too, is a vegetarian) and when writing my book I reflected on my abhorrence of meat from the age of three. I think I was probably unusual, because to eat a piece of meat seemed as disgusting and criminal as eating a part of a human. Of course, my parents were totally perplexed by my behaviour. Whatever is the cause of my guilt, my daughter shares it, and the decision not to poison the mice is not solely mine, as you know. I don’t believe I am putting the mice before my family. My daughter would be prepared to live with them. My husband is not experiencing fear in the way in which I am. However, I am putting the mice before my own welfare. I was considering this morning whether I believe the mice to be as important as myself. The answer is definitely ‘yes’. Would I shoot a dog that was attacking a child ?‘ Yes’, in an instant, because the dog is the aggressor in that situation. If my family were in the same state I am in over the mice then my actions would be very different. I have been banging my head on a wall in desperation when the mice were running around, screaming until I lost my voice. If either my husband or daughter were in that state, they would certainly come before the mice. I'd have to live with the guilt, because I would poison them. As beautiful, and incredible, as nature is, I find it also abhorrent. I will never accept that the sparrowhawk in our garden is killing the blue tits (and mice!). I want every creature to be a herbivore, despite my veterinary knowledge arguing that even if that were possible it would be to the detriment of the carnivorous and omnivorous creatures in the world. Joy, I am also moved by animal suffering in a way that I am not moved by that of humans. I do feel sorrow for human suffering, but, like you, I am affected so much more deeply when I hear of the pain an animal is enduring. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it is part of who I am. So, extreme or not, I don’t think therapy will change me, and, if I’m honest, I wouldn’t want it to. As painful as my predicament is, I would not take medication (for example) which would make me less concerned about the welfare of the mice, in order to end this nightmare. Joy, like you, I don’t know if this is my OCD or my personality. Sometimes I feel the two are inextricably linked. From the age of three, with the discovery of what was on my plate, and at the same age, rushing out in tears to rescue a worm from a bird, life has been excruciatingly painful and I realize this is how the rest of my life will be. Tricia x Anonymous on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war#post-35488 Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:41:38 +0000 Anonymous 35488@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hello everyone Thank you for your welcome and for explaining the internet jargon. How interesting that we share this compassion for animal suffering. I feel really ashamed that I can't seem to feel the same way about humans as I do about animals. If I see terrible human suffering on TV or reports of dreadful crimes against children I feel bad but if I see an animal about to be harmed or killed, even when I know it is only a film and not real I get nauseous and have even been known to faint on occasions - yet I can help out at a road accident and deal with horrible injuries to humans. I don't know if this is just my personality or my OCD. I have also noticed that many people with OCD have a high level of intelligence and have wondered if this is significant. Is the ability to think and memorise very rapidly a factor in OCD? Time will tell. Back to the animal issue - when we moved to the country we brought a small colony of free flying white doves and the buzzards and sparrowhawks used to come and take them, sometimes they just left them badly injured in our garden. At first I thought I would never be able to cope with nature in the raw but I think I have slowly become hardened to it all by constant exposure. I used to try to save all the unwanted cockerels until one day one of them killed my little tame bantam cockerel and crowed over his body. I also gave up saving end of lay commercial hens after taking a batch of two dozen filthy infested hens intending to give them some months, maybe years of healthy happy life and having at least one die every week. We took one sick bird to the vet and did every mortal thing to save it but it still died and the PM showed the entire egg laying department was full of cancers. Every hen died within a few months and I ended up very depressed, yet we have a little bantam hen we reared ourselves who is now about 14 years old. I came to the conclusion that I am unable to take on personal responsibility for all the cruelty in this world and I have learned my limitations. If I allow the OCD to push me beyond my limits I know I will become ill and my marriage and husband will suffer. I'm pleased to hear your mice are less evident Tricia. I think you are very strong to be able to live with the problem and stick to your principles but we all have our limits and if you push yourself too hard your OCD will get the better of you because that is the nature of the beast we live with. In nature mice are meals for others higher up the food chain which is why they breed so rapidly. When push comes to shove you and your family are much more important. Parvez Choudhry on "Still At War" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/still-at-war#post-35482 Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:17:36 +0000 Parvez Choudhry 35482@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Dear Tricia I am very pleased to hear that you have had only one sighting in the last week. Perhaps the mice are going to disappear of their own accord without you having to do anything. I really hope so for your sake. I think you have shown tremendous courage and stamina to survive this far. Bravo you! I think you are a very compassionate person and I admire you for your sensitivity towards animals and your concern to prevent them suffering. My perception that your sense of guilt about hurting animals was extreme is not due to you being a vegan or to you being unwilling to use an anticoagulant poison on the mice, but rather it seems to me you care more about the mice than you care about yourself. I am very sorry if I have got the wrong impression and I hope you weren't upset by my comment. If my house were overrun with mice and if the situation was driving me towards a mental breakdown and destroying my marriage, I would do whatever it takes to get rid of the mice, even if that meant catching them and releasing them 2 miles away with the risk of separating them from the their babies. It's not a nice thing to do but in an emergency situation I am prepared to take drastic action. I think my family's suffering takes priority over the mice's suffering. If I saw a pit bull terrier mauling a little child I would be willing to go so far as to kill the dog if that was the only way I could save the child, even though I am a vegetarian and I don't eat Mars bars because they contain battery eggs. Bona fortuna! Parvez