http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/i-just-dont-know-what-to-do-anymore It's Time to Act. OCD Action provides support and information for people affected by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Mon, 21 May 2012 16:41:14 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/search.php http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/i-just-dont-know-what-to-do-anymore#post-42880 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 19:03:32 +0000 tina1330 42880@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>im sorry i just could nit be of any more help : ( i guess its a deeper sub concious thing where that person has become everything to you! however please remember you have feelings and if someone loves you they won't have the need to lie to you. you deserve to be happy as well without having to check up all the time </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/i-just-dont-know-what-to-do-anymore#post-42879 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 16:07:48 +0000 lupes 42879@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Thanks for the reply, means a lot to me.</p> <p>And yes I'm really attached to her, I don't stop thinking about her, I can't sleep unless she's asleep or with me, I don't know if it's losing her or what it is that makes me want to follow everything she does but she is all that matters to me.</p> <p>And yes I see what you mean, I used to reiterate all the time that I "live to be love/d", and yes I do follow my instincts and think too deeply about everything, which unfortunately unearths stuff better off not knowing.</p> <p>And thanks for the advice, and yes talking about it helps get it out of my head(in a blurted order heh) and easier to process. </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/i-just-dont-know-what-to-do-anymore#post-42861 Wed, 14 Jul 2010 23:29:17 +0000 tina1330 42861@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>hello, </p> <p>i'm sorry to hear that. its a hard one, to answer because i have never been in that position mines me being convinvced i have a disease, but it shows you how powerfull the mind is and we believe what we want to. you mention your nan, and how you met your partner so soon after and she became your world....it seems to me and i might be wrong you have attached yourself to this person - and have that fear of loosing someone close to you again. we are all scared of loosing loved ones and somne people do attach themselves to other people for that love - comfort- that sense of being needed that they once had. i can't comment on the spying, but if you have doubts them i guess you tend to follow your instinct! </p> <p>anyways i just wanted you to know there are people here that listen and offer better advice than mine! like i have learn't and if simply by talking you feel little calmer then everyones always here x </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/i-just-dont-know-what-to-do-anymore#post-42858 Wed, 14 Jul 2010 21:02:51 +0000 lupes 42858@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>I just don't know what to do anymore, I'v had CBT back in high school and all it did was make things worse and it's not going away, and I don't think it ever will.</p> <p>According to the psychiatrist that saw me in hospital I had attachment issues after I lost my nan, but after that event it all took off.<br /> I was let out after that and my parents were simply informed to keep an eye on me and that he thought I was in no immediate need of help, then I met my current partner a few weeks after and we got along really well, and after the first night I ever spent with her I couldn't stop thinking about her, I gave up my friends and everything and my world immediately revolved around her, and ended up getting engaged.<br /> And that's when I saw everything happening again, as weeks went on it hurt even more to be away from her as though there was a burning hole in my chest, wondering what was happening to her throughout the day and this would escalate to the point of seeing horrible images in my head that just wouldn't go away.<br /> She was always a public sort of person and wanted to go to a party, I begged her not to but she did anyway, and the images drove me mad that night, into having what my old psychiatric nurse described as an "out of body experience?", and did horrible things.</p> <p>Because of my interest in computer security I saw the option of spying to make the images and burning go away and ended up infecting most of her equipment and regularly stealing logs and such in a search to make it all go away until I started seeing bad things in the logs where she had been flirting and such.<br /> After this I couldn't trust anyone and I couldn't help but spy on her 24/7 because she meant the world to me.<br /> Repeatedly she would say that she would never do it again and in my nature I couldn't help but give into her and think everything was going to get better but it didn't.<br /> That's when I got referred by the nurse to a psychiatric nurse who started CBT with me immediately after I described the way I was feeling and my past to the nurse, and deciding I had OCD and generalized anxiety disorder, and he got the doctor in who said I couldn't have pills.<br /> I was really guillible and would do anything she said and believe her every word back when I was in high school, and she convinced me some people were out to hurt her and steal her from me to the point where she made marks to make it look like they did, and I started getting symptoms that they said was hypersensitivity?, around everywhere we went, watching everyone assessing everything they did, checking where they were looking and why, plotting every single aspect planning for the worst to make sure that if something bad happened that I was ready for it and it drove me down to rock bottom, and I ended up carrying a weapon and nearly hurting someone, and it's against my nature to hurt people, and that's when I stopped seeing the psychiatric nurse as I lied to him telling him I was all better.</p> <p>After I got evidence to prove she was lying she confessed and we got back together again, and I couldn't stop the images, they just kept burning in my mind over and over again and I became really bitter and horrible towards everyone especially her, and ended up cheating on her out of spite and anger. I'v regretted it every day since and still to this day it keeps coming back up in my head, all the images of her being unfaithful, other people moving in on her and me hurting people(&lt;most distressing of all because I'm harmless). I'm finding it really hard to resist spying on her and I love her more than anything and can't bare the thought of losing her.</p> <p>But now she wants to go to a festival for a few days, and I can't take it, if she so much as mentions it I break down and the images won't leave me alone and I end up nearly having a panic attack.</p> <p>I just don't know what to do, it's either I go there and ruin it for her by getting overprotective and scared, or I don't go and suffer.<br /> I'm scared to see my GP because I don't want them to stop me seeing her or do more treatment that doesn't work.</p> <p>Surely there's someone who's felt the same? :/ </p>