http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/tags/self-harm It's Time to Act. OCD Action provides support and information for people affected by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Mon, 21 May 2012 15:32:14 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/search.php http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless/page/2#post-62048 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 23:17:38 +0000 wannabefree 62048@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Hi everyone, thank you for your kind words... It has been wonderful to read your posts too, Mike, a big welcome from me, if I haven't already done so...<br /> I'm just starting to get into the christmassy spirit now... I'm not going shopping tomorrow, I've had enough... If there is anything else it will have to wait until after Christmas now... I've got enough meds til at least new year, enough food in (I think) certainly enough chocolate and fruit, damn, I've just remembered we have no bananas in, oh well, we'll be okay... The electric will stay on, and we have a spare TV just in case... And loo rolls, plenty of those regardless of how much I try to use! &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif&quot; title=&quot;:-)&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; <br /> wannabe </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless/page/2#post-62030 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 17:09:25 +0000 Mike 62030@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>The problem with that website is that he hasn't updated it in months! But there is occasionally some good advice there. Merry Xmas to you too! </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless/page/2#post-62010 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 10:23:05 +0000 Anonymous 62010@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Hi Mike,</p> <p>re: your post above, I had a quick look around the internet and found this link for a website connected to Jon Grayson:</p> <p><a href="http://www.ocdhelpdoc.com/" rel="nofollow">http://www.ocdhelpdoc.com/</a></p> <p>It looks very interesting, so it might be of interest to other readers too.</p> <p>Thanks for all your excellent posts so far on this forum, Mike. It is great to hear positive, practical advice like yours, which will be incredibly helpful to many of the people on this forum. </p> <p>I think that you have excellent knowledge and insight into your experiences of OCD, and that suggests that Jon Grayson, or one of the other mental health professionals that you have worked with, was really on the ball.</p> <p>Thanks for sharing your knowledge and insights with the forum, Mike -- and please continue to do so as much as you can in 2012! &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif&quot; title=&quot;:-)&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; </p> <p>And have a Merry Xmas!!! &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_lol.gif&quot; title=&quot;:lol:&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless/page/2#post-62005 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 03:58:50 +0000 Mike 62005@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>I really hope both of you can get the help you need. OCD is not worth dying for. I had suicidal thoughts in 2010, and I thought my life was ending. It was torture. But I found the right type of therapy, and now I'm probably 90% back to the real me. The help is out there, it's just a matter of finding a good therapist, or even trying the therapy on your own. If you both are interested in trying ERP therapy, I HIGHLY recommend you read "Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" by Jon Grayson. He was my therapist for a couple months and he is an absolute expert in OCD. I strongly believe that his methods work way better than those of Dr. Schwartz. Please don't hesitate to ask any other questions you might have. I wish you both the very best, and remember, learning to live with uncertainty is the key. If the therapy makes you anxious at first, that's a GOOD sign - if it reassures you, that's a BAD sign cause that's just a temporary band-aid that will NOT reduce your obsessions. I hope trying ERP therapy is part of both of your New Year's resolutions!</p> <p>-Mike </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless/page/2#post-61995 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 00:10:54 +0000 slogsweep 61995@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Indeed Wannabe, you certainly deserve a relaxing Christmas period. I'm not chasing bright lights or excessive nights out like I used to. A quiet Christmas is all I want. I've bought the family extra presents this year to make up for their support while I've been horribly low so I'm looking forward to seeing them open their things. </p> <p>I hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas Wannabe, and that you continue to improve as you seem to almost every time you post. With any luck by the middle of next year we can both look at ourselves and realise that we've beaten a horrible disorder. </p> <p>Slog </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless/page/2#post-61992 Fri, 23 Dec 2011 00:02:01 +0000 wannabefree 61992@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Hi Slog, yes, I feel very similar... It is scary, but yes, wanna get started so I can break the awful hold OCD has on me... The idea of acceptance is a good one... Relaxing into, and accepting how things could, might, or may not be anyway, feels a good thing, especially in the evening, my best time of the day... I'm certainly happy for us to go through this together, our CBT maybe coming at a similar time... I agree, having a friend to share the experience with is gonna be a massive help to us, and will even improve the outcome of treatment... Let's hope it happens soon... &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif&quot; title=&quot;:-)&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; I too have had thoughts of ending my life during this past year, but thankfully I and you too have made it thus far, so hope is still there for a good recovery from this horrible illness... Meanwhile, lets have a relaxing Christmas, and let's have hope that 2012 will be a great year for us all...<br /> wannabe </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless/page/2#post-61987 Thu, 22 Dec 2011 23:43:20 +0000 slogsweep 61987@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>I don't know about you Wannabe but I'm very scared, yet anxious to get going with this therapy. Maybe as we're at similar stages with regards to waiting time for CBT we can help each other through our CBT experience. A problem shared is a problem halved &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif&quot; title=&quot;:-)&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; . It would mean a great deal to have friends who are suffering as I do to talk through what's going on. </p> <p>Big thank you again to Mike, I know it probably sounds like I'm gushing, but it was only October when I genuinely wanted to end my life. You've given me some real attainable hope for a decent quality of life again. </p> <p>Best wishes to the both of you,</p> <p>Slog </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless/page/2#post-61985 Thu, 22 Dec 2011 23:24:18 +0000 wannabefree 61985@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Hi Slog, Hi Mike... This is really interesting, bringing the word of acceptance in... If we can accept things instead of trying to control the world through 'magical thinking' then all of a sudden things get easier...<br /> It is difficult to do, but certainly good to try...<br /> Thank you for sharing... &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif&quot; title=&quot;:-)&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; <br /> wannabe </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61974 Thu, 22 Dec 2011 21:47:38 +0000 slogsweep 61974@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Sounds terrifying but I understand the logic behind it at least. So by accepting the thoughts, you're not accepting them in a moral sense, it's more of a "it's a remote human possiblity" kind of way if that makes any sense? </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61972 Thu, 22 Dec 2011 21:13:01 +0000 Mike 61972@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>We can't get rid of catastrophic thoughts, we can only learn to accept that catastrophic things MIGHT happen, and learn to be OK with that possibility. Once you are OK with the possibility that a catastrophe could happen at any time, your catastrophic thinking and obsessing will stop. As for a learning experience, yes, I think having OCD is a constant learning experience in terms of learning to live with uncertainty. </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61971 Thu, 22 Dec 2011 21:02:22 +0000 slogsweep 61971@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Thank you for your brilliant advice. It's the catastrophic thinking, I'd do anything to get rid of that! It's a constant learning experience, OCD isn't it? </p> <p>Thanks Mike, really appreciate what you've done for me. Actually looking forward to Christmas barring the odd spike now, </p> <p>Best wishes</p> <p>Slog </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61958 Thu, 22 Dec 2011 16:25:01 +0000 Mike 61958@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Slog, I think you should probably wait until you see a therapist before you do anything drastic, but I think you can at least start by refusing to do any compulsions. That should make you anxious enough for now, but it will help you immensely in the long run. By stopping the compulsions, you are, in a way, training your mind to accept the uncertainty about your fears. And once your brain sees again and again that even when you don't do the compulsions nothing bad happens, it will begin to habituate and make you less anxious. As for intentional exposure to your fears, you might wanna wait until you see your therapist.</p> <p>I haven't read Brain Lock, I only know about the 4 R's and I know that's the basic gist of the treatment approach in the book. All I can say is that the 4 R's did absolutely nothing for me and I actually ended up having suicidal thoughts and living a completely tortured life until I discovered ERP, which has restored me to (almost) a happy life. I also know Edna Foa and Jon Grayson, two experts in the field who use ERP. Dr. Foa was selected as Time Magazine's 100 most influential people in the world a couple years back for her use of ERP in OCD and PTSD. </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61952 Thu, 22 Dec 2011 15:33:46 +0000 slogsweep 61952@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Sorry for some reason I've replied on the wrong thread! After reading it on my phone I came on my computer to reply. Rather dumb of me, </p> <p>Slog </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61948 Thu, 22 Dec 2011 15:19:55 +0000 slogsweep 61948@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Thank you Mike, I've had no idea what to expect from CBT to be honest. I'm really grateful for you shedding some light on what I'll have to go through. Frankly the idea of accepting thoughts like these terrifies me so do you think I should wait until Feb when I see a therapist? That way I'll have a bit of guidance at least, or do you think I should start asap? </p> <p>One final question, do you think Brain Lock has any use at all? I know it divides opinion on here quite markedly. </p> <p>Thanks Mike, that's a pretty wonderful thing you've done for me there. Happy Christmas</p> <p>Slog </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61900 Wed, 21 Dec 2011 22:29:55 +0000 Mike 61900@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>You have no choice but to accept the potential validity of what any of the intrusive thoughts are saying. You have no choice but to live in a world in which there is uncertainty. You drive a car because you can accept the possibility that you might die on the road at any moment. You walk in the street because you can accept the possibility that you might get killed on the road at any moment. You have done countless things in your life that could have gotten you killed, just like everyone else. But for your obsessions, you all of a sudden cannot accept the possibility that your feared consequences might be true, or might come true. This is the OCD. Your goal should be to deal with those feared consequences the same way you deal with all the other feared consequences in life - acceptance. Any time you have an intrusive thought that tells you that "X" might be true, answer it by telling yourself "YES IT MIGHT, AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO KNOW FOR SURE, SO I'M GOING TO LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT EVER KNOWING FOR SURE". Do this constantly.</p> <p>The methods in "Brain Lock" are basically compulsions. Reassuring yourself will never free you from the obsessions, because reassurance is a compulsion in of itself and feeds the OCD cycle. The only way to overcome any kind of fear is by exposure, NOT reassurance.</p> <p>Would you mind telling me what your biggest fears are? Feel free to send me a private message if you'd like.</p> <p>-Mike </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61899 Wed, 21 Dec 2011 22:28:14 +0000 citaloman 61899@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>From experience they die down and become less of an issue. That's me saying it..! Jeez must have had a good day. </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61882 Wed, 21 Dec 2011 20:25:25 +0000 slogsweep 61882@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Thanks Mike, I think the "yes maybe I did" thing would work with the compulsive checking, but I can't accept my intrusive thoughts. I'd rather be dead than they be true. At the moment I use Brain Lock against those, are there any alternatives?</p> <p>Slog </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61875 Wed, 21 Dec 2011 18:41:35 +0000 Mike 61875@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Yes, ERP therapy is designed to expose you to your fears. It consists of 2 parts: 1) the exposure, and 2) refusing to engage in any behaviors that might reassure you or make you feel better or less anxious (compulsions).</p> <p>In your case, you must stop doing all compulsions, such as checking things to make sure that they are OK. And every time a thought enters your head that says "maybe I did X wrong", answer the thought by saying "YES, MAYBE I DID". Repeat this constantly, every time you get a thought in your head, and refuse to do any compulsions no matter how anxious you get. If you tell me what your specific obsessions are about, I could give you more specifics. </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61860 Wed, 21 Dec 2011 13:33:58 +0000 slogsweep 61860@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>I haven't to be honest, I thought I'd be doing that as part of CBT. Do you know what ERP would be like for me? I worry constantly that I've done something wrong and I check all the bloody time lights, locks, plug sockets all sorts, </p> <p>Thanks, I'm always relived to find another option. </p> <p>Slog </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61846 Wed, 21 Dec 2011 04:19:14 +0000 Mike 61846@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Slog - have you tried ERP therapy? </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61837 Wed, 21 Dec 2011 00:31:56 +0000 blueboy 61837@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Hi Slog,<br /> reading your posts and hope you get some peace in the next few days..i have improved with the ocd.. thru meds... but there are other parts of my life that need addressed... but thankfully i can now see those as more normal issues.. that anyone can face and not that ocd is destroying my whole life...my main ocd was the thought i harmed someone... similar to what you said about your nan...i would like to see the thing you are going to post pertaining to thi type of ocd.. or have i missed it? take care ...PAUL </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61835 Wed, 21 Dec 2011 00:06:39 +0000 wannabefree 61835@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>You're most welcome slog, you get some sleep too... And you njb...<br /> wannabe </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61833 Tue, 20 Dec 2011 23:52:08 +0000 slogsweep 61833@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Get plenty of sleep Wannabe and I'm glad you're feeling relaxed. The togetherness is something to really treasure on here, despite it being such a sad and crippling bond. Make sure you get plenty of sleep, as I'm sure sleep is better than any med when fighting OCD! </p> <p>I'm very tired too, thank you again for your comments and good night, </p> <p>Slog </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61831 Tue, 20 Dec 2011 23:50:52 +0000 njbu 61831@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Hi Slog,</p> <p>You do sound more positive as am I.</p> <p>Reading your post reminds me of things from my childhood. I think there is more we can learn from reflection on this. I like to think that somewhere early on we have an insight. An empathy. Maybe even a sense of humanity and caring which develops. I remember thinking my parents would die and even that i contribute to events (magical thinking).</p> <p>Looking back now its obvious i have had ocd since about 6. We should all try to seek reflection and use it positively. For instance, we are all fighting the doubting disease and for me the particular topics only arose later in life. I spend most of my time believing the thoughts and like all of us cant accept its ocd. If it were that easy we'd not be on here.</p> <p>My point being that seeing ocd in your childhood (or behaviours) enables you to see it without the doubt of a fearful subject or obsession. So for me, i was magical thinking my head off and touching everything twice and doing everything in fours from an early age. There is no doubting that. So, what i should be thinking now is when i think im a paedophile i should think hold on, its ocd - look how im ruminating. B*gger is though ocd just throws in that i could be one and have ocd !!!</p> <p>It always gets you. But in theory - thinking about how you got here is a good thing. If anything it supports your theory that it is ocd.....im rambling but there you go. &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif&quot; title=&quot;:-)&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61828 Tue, 20 Dec 2011 23:41:58 +0000 wannabefree 61828@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Hi Slog, I'm slowly starting to get into it... Having a nice cup of tea and savouring it,some nice stuff for dinner, a relax in a comfortable chair...<br /> I finally got my cards posted today, the last day for first class post... I'm not going to expect too much from Christmas, just a bit of a rest between doing cooking, and having the odd little drink...<br /> I do hope that things will ease for you, Slog... I'm sure they have before, so they will again.... In my book, seven GCSE's is a fantastic achievement... I've only got four, and I did those after I left school!! I was crap at everything at school, or so I thought...<br /> I'm just off to take my night time meds and a try and chillout with a DVD on in the bedroom... I'm desperately tired, and hope to sleep... There is a great togetherness on here, and it helps me too... Take it steady, Slog, this will pass, it has to, have yourself a merry little christmas, don't aim for a big one... Things will return to steadiness in the new year, then we'll have Summer and CBT to look forward to...<br /> wannabe </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61823 Tue, 20 Dec 2011 23:27:23 +0000 slogsweep 61823@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Thanks Wannabe, it's only because I have the time to be on here regularly, being a student. I might as well make the most of it and if I can't use it to my advantage, try and make other people a little more able to use their time. Really is a wonderful thread, I'm cherishing everything said on it, so flattering some of the things that have been said, and so sad too that other people know what it's like to feel as afraid and trapped as I do. </p> <p>Hope you're enjoying the Christmas period Wannabe</p> <p>Slog </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61820 Tue, 20 Dec 2011 23:07:15 +0000 wannabefree 61820@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Hi everyone, Hi Slog, glad too to hear you're a little better... wow... A really good thread, and I agree with everything that has been said... You are worth it Slog, definitely, you've been there for me too, and I'm full of appreciation for that... Everything everyone is saying on this thread is spot on...<br /> wannabe </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61812 Tue, 20 Dec 2011 21:55:11 +0000 slogsweep 61812@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Thank you &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif&quot; title=&quot;:-)&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; . It's as if the anxiety doesn't need provoking, the OCD provokes it all by itself. I've had a few bad mornings where I've not had time to ruminate but still wake up feeling rubbish. My family have been brilliant for the most part and I'm very lucky, I can't imagine going through this alone. </p> <p>Have a great christmas ACB, thanks for your comments they've helped a great deal while I've felt this low. </p> <p>Slog </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61807 Tue, 20 Dec 2011 20:48:31 +0000 acb33 61807@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Hi Slog. Glad to hear your feeling a little better. Probably best for you to stay at home tonight if you have had a difficult couple of days. Please don't hide yourself away though. You will soon come to learn in CBT that avoidance isnt part of anyone's recovery, it only strengthens the doubts and distress the OCD causes but I must say you will need time to get to this point and get yourself into a position that you can cope with these occasions so I think until that time make sure you enjoy your time with your friends and family over Xmas and just don't provoke the anxiety too much. </p> <p>Don't forget NO one in this world is perfect and if people can't support those around them in their darkest hour then they certainly don't deserve your time, friendship and love after you have recovered. Give your family time though, it's very important to stick together and we all deal/cope with things in different ways. You need to be patient with them ad much as they need to with you.</p> <p>Keep going Slog, your doing all the right things to recover.</p> <p>ACB </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/cried-my-eyes-out-today-feel-so-utterly-hopeless#post-61803 Tue, 20 Dec 2011 20:37:35 +0000 slogsweep 61803@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Hi ACB, a little better thank you. Lots of family occasions coming up so I'm nervous about those. I've decided against going to the pub tonight. I haven't really got the money and it'll provoke more anxiety. However I don't feel under threat at the moment. I've tried to keep what everyone has written in mind and I'm trying not to over-isolate myself.</p> <p>How are you doing? </p> <p>Slog </p>