http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/tags/obsessive-thoughts It's Time to Act. OCD Action provides support and information for people affected by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Fri, 10 Feb 2012 21:06:38 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/search.php http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/gay-ocd#post-58891 Mon, 10 Oct 2011 07:17:50 +0000 sarah81 58891@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Thanks to everyone who replied and also to those who sent personal messages. Greatly appreciated.<br /> I am trying to sort of do "exposure therapy" for myself by actively fantasizing about women (which I never even did before I started worrying I was lesbian) but it's not helping much yet. I don't really feel guilty about it as it's just fantasy, but the "not knowing" bothers me intolerably and I feel guilty about the possibility that I could be lesbian. My physical responses seem to be completely out of whack and unreliable and I am constantly monitoring myself, which is really irritating.<br /> It is really encouraging to hear that you successfully overcame this kind of obsession Zara. I am hoping and praying that I will be able to just let this go and that I can have some peace.<br /> I have not mentioned any of this to my husband because I am not sure if I would want to know if the situation were reversed. He's been very compassionate towards me regarding some things I have struggled with previously, but I think it's really hard for him to understand. Mentally, we are very different- I worry about everything, he almost never worries. </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/gay-ocd#post-58824 Fri, 07 Oct 2011 08:10:41 +0000 Zara112 58824@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>I have also had this worry when i was younger...Its like your brain isnt happy for you to be happy, so creates a problem. </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/gay-ocd#post-58808 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 18:38:01 +0000 Wombat140 58808@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Trying to simply block out thoughts never works, DON'T THINK OF A PINK ELEPHANT! There, what did you just think of?<br /> But you can sometimes get somewhere by telling yourself that you don't need to worry now because you'll go into all that later. Doesn't suit everyone but well worth trying.<br /> All that about physical responses and lack of physical responses is just nerves, nothing but it. OCD can do that. Believe me, if I've seen one person with OCD say that, I've seen a dozen. Doesn't mean a thing.<br /> Good luck, I hope you soon feel better. </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/gay-ocd#post-58799 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 11:27:56 +0000 OCD! 58799@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>hi sarah i am sending you a private message about my experience..its very similar &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif&quot; title=&quot;:-)&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/gay-ocd#post-58797 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 11:16:27 +0000 Tess 58797@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Hi Sarah<br /> You're already doing all the right things to help yourself so at the moment it's a case of hang on in there and take the best possible care of yourself physically and emotionally - adequate, good quality sleep, sensible diet, regular exercise, no alcoholic binges and say no to all extra stress, then hopefully you will start to see a slow improvement. You've got better before so there is no reason why you shouldn't get better again. Each time we go downhill we learn more about what triggers the relapses and better ways of stopping them happening. </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/gay-ocd#post-58795 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 10:58:36 +0000 sarah81 58795@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Thank you so much for your reply Cuthbert. It is greatly appreciated.<br /> I am already taking the maximum dose of Zoloft and seeing a therapist and trying to do what he suggests, but don't feel I am getting better. I am frustrated, confused, and sick of thinking about this. At this point, I feel like if I never felt sexual desire again it would be fine, as long as I could escape these unwanted thoughts/sensations.<br /> If anyone has had something like this and gotten over it, please tell me what helped for you. </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/gay-ocd#post-58789 Wed, 05 Oct 2011 08:54:48 +0000 Cuthbert ffoliott 58789@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Hi dear Sarah -</p> <p>I haven't been in a position like yours, although I fantasized about sex with men. But I did not get intense feelings of guilt from them. I am heterosexual.</p> <p>Thing is: I would guess that your OCD drives you towards a fantasy that is 'forbidden', and despised in large parts of society. The story line then is: happily engaged lady gets more and more attracted to other women after years in a loving relationship with a man. Taken to its conclusion: she leaves a shocked husband and goes to live with another woman (or enters even wilder relationships with several other women).</p> <p>If I am right, it's a classic example of guilt, transformed into fantasizing about the forbidden, the unwanted, the 'antisocial', so to speak, and the whole mechanism leads to unhappiness and deep worrying. </p> <p>Your life isn't a lie. Let me phrase it thus: no life is a lie. But quite a lot of people feel forced to live a double life, like the famous actor Rock Hudson, or the conductor Leonard Bernstein did. They were closet homosexuals, and thought (rightly) that their careers would get very damaged, if not ruined, had they come out. So they opted for relationships with ladies in front of the camera, to create the impression that they were 'normal'. So in a sense, they could not be true to themselves out in the open. I guess that could be called an untrue life.</p> <p>That's not you. You have OCD, and it took this particular heinous route to drive you to doubt intensely.</p> <p>I have no instant recipe to help you, alas, but perhaps someone else here can give practical advice?</p> <p>At any rate, I'm with you in spirit, and wish you all the best.</p> <p>Cheers, Cuthbert. </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/gay-ocd#post-58784 Tue, 04 Oct 2011 15:15:21 +0000 sarah81 58784@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Hi everyone<br /> I had really bad contamination OCD before, which I have gotten better from, but for the last few months have been tortured with the idea of being gay. I am a woman, happily married for a number of years. I think it got triggered when I read something in a magazine about a man who after many years decided he wanted to live as a woman, and got a sex change. It made me think "Maybe I am confused about my sexual identity too".<br /> I am finding this really hard to deal with. I don't want to ruin my marriage or have an affair with a woman. But I keep getting unwanted physical sensations when I see images of beautiful women. It's like I am afraid that my whole life is a lie. I would be ok with being bisexual (and have nothing against gays either) but what I am most worried about is the idea that maybe I am not really attracted to men at all. I can't seem to summon any physical response to pictures of handsome men.<br /> I enjoy intimacy with my husband and have never experimented with a woman. I do remember feeling madly in love with him during our courtship, but I am questioning myself as to whether the sexual attraction was actually there.<br /> My therapist has told me to block out the unwanted sexual thoughts and only allow myself to think about them at one specific period of time each day. This is not working for me. I am thinking about it all the time, in addition to the specific time period set aside.<br /> I am interested to hear from anyone that has suffered from a sexual obsession like this and please, how did you get over it? </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/hurting-loved-one#post-38179 Mon, 15 Feb 2010 08:29:21 +0000 Cuthbert ffoliott 38179@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Hiya Adrian -</p> <p>first: you have my sympathy, and that of all others here, I dare to say. </p> <p>Thanks for being so open about it. I would say that you need not worry that you will 'realize' that which you so dread. Because people with obssessions generally are folks with an 'overdeveloped' conscience. Feelings of guilt may play a major role. Where that guilt stems from, that is not crucial; what is crucial is that in your mind, feelings of guilt (in general, not specific) may be converted to obsessions that you, being 'guilty', may perform a bad act.</p> <p>Please don't take all of this too literal. It is a possible story about how OCD vexes us. Guilt can make us think of any 'worst possible act'; and that can well be hurting someone we dearly love. It is a mean way in which OCD may work. Other people drive a car, and are constantly plagued by the idea that they have just run over a child; they must turn back and look at the road, to make sure they did not do that; as a result, they always arrive too late. It's one of many, many examples.</p> <p>The act you fear is usually performed by people with extreme tendencies towards impulsive behaviour, and with problems concerning the way their conscience works (it may be dysfunctional, or absent at certain times).</p> <p>Everything in your letter says to me that you are quite the opposite of those people: very scrupulous, very conscientious.</p> <p>I know: perhaps this does not help you in any practical way. It may not alleviate your worries. </p> <p>I deeply respect and admire the fact that you let your wife in on your 'secret'. This is no doubt the first and necessary step to real healing.</p> <p>Feel free to comment, criticize, and/or PM me at any time. Then I'll try to answer ASAP.</p> <p>Ciao, and all the best, Cuthbert. </p> http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/hurting-loved-one#post-38163 Sun, 14 Feb 2010 19:11:44 +0000 adesweb 38163@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ <p>Hi,</p> <p>I have always been a worrier all my life, quite reserved, and quiet person. I have been with my wife for a year and a half, we recently married in the UK and are going to Kenya (she is Kenyan) to renew our vows in a couple of weeks.</p> <p>The problem I have started around Christmas time. I had these imaginations/thoughts that I was hurting or killing her. The main thing was stangling her, and I think it started as a result of computer games, or TV, although they were not horror (I have never liked anyway), just games and TV with moderate violence. I managed to use a lot of self-help services like the Internet, or books, and recently had managed to accept the thoughts rather than negetivley react to them, and this was definitley starting to help. I find stuck around the house worse, and this weekend we wen to her sisters which definitley helped. However on return today, I was still feeling fine, and coping well, but then I had these thoughts as we were dancing together and I reached to simply place my hand very gently around her throat. I felt disgusted that I had even gone as far as to do that and let it get me upset again, although perhaps it was just me 'testing' to see if I still had control over my actions. I don't feel I was thinking about killing her, simply obsessing for a few seconds, about the thought of her throught or strangulation. </p> <p>We have discussed several times, and she understands although clearly it has been upsetting for both of us, and I don't want to make things worse by going to someone where I may have to release all of the thoughts again. I would rather forgot and try and deal with it, if the acceptance method is going to keep helping. I really thought things were getting easier, and has brought books such as Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts' I don't beleive I would ever hurt her, and was fustrated by what hapened today, but I thought I would post a message on her anyway in case anyone has had similar sitatuions happen, and the best way to cure the obessive thoughts forever.</p> <p>Adrian </p>