OCD Action Online Forums » Tag: Driving

OCD Action Online Forums » Tag: Driving - Recent Posts http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/tags/driving It's Time to Act. OCD Action provides support and information for people affected by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Mon, 21 May 2012 15:14:58 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/search.php Tess on "Does anyone else do these things or is it just me?" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/does-anyone-else-do-these-things#post-54572 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 10:11:15 +0000 Tess 54572@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hi roseannah It's all very familiar to me too and it makes me realise just how much I have improved since I started taking seroxat back in 1992. I'm not convinced that trying to work out what started it is going to help you. I struggled for decades trying to work out what had triggered mine and I am still none the wiser and it raised many other issues that just led to even more anxiety and which would have been better left buried. The causes of OCD are still not known but the latest research seems to indicate that part of the equation is a genetic predisposition and then other factors come in to play to trigger the onset of OCD. It is now thought that these may be hormonal, chemical or due to bacterial infection and whilst environment and personal circumstances also have an input it may only be a small part of the overall picture. There are many treatments available and your therapist is right that you need to halt this in it's tracks and stop it getting worse but if the treatment you are getting is not having the desired effect then you need to try something different. Your OCD will be fuelled by stress and if there is something in your way of life which is not right for you then this will also aggravate the OCD. Ratwomble on "Does anyone else do these things or is it just me?" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/does-anyone-else-do-these-things#post-54551 Sun, 12 Jun 2011 20:50:02 +0000 Ratwomble 54551@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Roseannah, All sounds horribly familiar to me. The candles made me smile as when in the worst of my OCD the kids made candles at holiday club and brought them back. I was freaked out and had to put them on top of a cabinet where I could check them and no one else could see them. OCD is odd. So different for all of us, yet sometimes so similar! Hugs David *k on "Does anyone else do these things or is it just me?" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/does-anyone-else-do-these-things#post-54545 Sun, 12 Jun 2011 17:03:11 +0000 *k 54545@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hi Roseannah, I can relate to a few things you have said and deal with it in similar OCD ways. Firstly the [b]Washing: This is a task in itself. I put the dirty clothes in the washing machine trying not to touch any of the outer side of the machine or rubber seals. Once the washing is done, I open door, wash my hands then rubber on the outside of the drum and door seal is disinfected, wash hands again, then when I get the clothes out trying not to touch anything the clothes are still clean. Lastly take clothes to tumble dryer or put on clothes airer to dry. That is just one example of a simple job for most people that takes someone like me with this horrible OCD so long winded to do and is very tiring. I can also relate to the [b]Food Preparation: For me personally, all food wrapping, boxes, cartons etc are dirty, because I worry who has touched them before me, where they have been eg. In trucks to the Supermarkets, have they been in contact with the floor, have they dropped off the shelf in the supermarket on the floor etc, the list goes on and on. That's why every time I prepare food I wash my hands countless of times for every meal that is done and that is on top of me spraying the worktops in between getting dirty wrapping off of food. I can truly relate to what you must be going through and to others like yourself on the forum, so you are not alone. My main phobia is shoes and dog's muck, but this has lead on to so many other rituals and safety behaviour proceedures. I basically try and keep the outside out and inside in, if that makes any sense. But on a happier level, with getting help and receiving CBT therapy and trying to work through what triggered it off and doing small exposures, I am very slowly working on getting better. It is just going to take it's time. Hope you can improve and get a little better soon. Regards K. *k on "Does anyone else do these things or is it just me?" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/does-anyone-else-do-these-things#post-54544 Sun, 12 Jun 2011 17:00:06 +0000 *k 54544@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hi Roseannah, I can relate to a few things you have said and deal with it in similar OCD ways. Firstly the [b]Washing: This is a task in itself. I put the dirty clothes in the washing machine trying not to touch any of the outer side of the machine or rubber seals. Once the washing is done, I open door, wash my hands then rubber on the outside of the drum and door seal is disinfected, wash hands again, then when I get the clothes out trying not to touch anything the clothes are still clean. Lastly take clothes to tumble dryer or put on clothes airer to dry. That is just one example of a simple job for most people that takes someone like me with this horrible OCD so long winded to do and is very tiring. I can also relate to the [b]Food Preparation: For me personally, all food wrapping, boxes, cartons etc are dirty, because I worry who has touched them before me, where they have been eg. In trucks to the Supermarkets, have they been in contact with the floor, have they dropped off the shelf in the supermarket on the floor etc, the list goes on and on. That's why every time I prepare food I wash my hands countless of times for every meal that is done and that is on top of me spraying the worktops in between getting dirty wrapping off of food. I can truly relate to what you must be going through and to others like yourself on the forum, so you are not alone. My main phobia is shoes and dog's muck, but this has lead on to so many other rituals and safety behaviour proceedures. I basically try and keep the outside out and inside in, if that makes any sense. But on a happier level, with getting help and receiving CBT therapy and trying to work through what triggered it off and doing small exposures, I am very slowly working on getting better. It is just going to take it's time. Hope you can improve and get a little better soon. Regards K. truddles on "Does anyone else do these things or is it just me?" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/does-anyone-else-do-these-things#post-54541 Sun, 12 Jun 2011 14:58:58 +0000 truddles 54541@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hi Roseannah, I know what started my OCD and what fuels it and so the new therapist that I'm now seeing is going to help me to overcome those problems and she thinks that it will help the OCD. A lot of therapists don't agree with this and believe in only dealing with the hear and now, could be why so many with OCD don't succeed with CBT. After all there's no point dealing with the here and now if events from your past are your OCD trigger as the OCD will just continue. I don't drive as I have uncontrolled epilepsy, but I can identify strongly with the other points that you make. Most of my OCD has arisen because of accidents that I've had in the past because of my epilepsy. I too can't touch clean laundry unless I've thoroughly washed my hands and have to wash my hands before getting anything out of the drawers be it clothes or towels etc. I can't hang anything up as frightened that during a partial seizure I will accidentally contaminate it. So everything has to go straight from machine to drier and then be put straight away. I too can't touch the towel that I use in the bathroom unless hands are washed first. But also the towels get so wet that I have to have a clean towel to get the washing out of the machine another to get it out of the drier and put away. OCD don't 'arf create a lot of washing <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> If I've touched certain things then have to wash my hands prior to going to the loo and after of course. I also have to keep the spare toilet rolls, hand wash, shower gel, shampoo, tissues and kitchen towels in plastic bags that are tied up so that I know that I haven't accidentally contaminated them. I too waste food as frightened if it touches surfaces other than plates or chopping board. Also the washing takes so long that I frequently run out of time to eat properly and anyway not got cooking facilities as floor collapsed and broke cooker so rely on microwave - not satisfactory if got diabetes. I find that I have to check letters emails etc as petrified of making a mistake. I also hate having to put things into envelopes for fear that I accidentally put something else in the envelope <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> (I have done in the past) I don't have candles in the house partly because of the OCD but mainly because of the epilepsy, I too used to keep checking when I had them as thought that I'd lit them when I hadn't. I too am continually checking everything indoors and it's a right royal pain <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> I think that one of the best tips is to work with your therapist to build up your confidence and self esteem, with low confidence and self esteem you can't deal effectively with the OCD. We have to learn to trust our own abilities. We had them once and we can with help get them back. Trudy Roseannah on "Does anyone else do these things or is it just me?" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/does-anyone-else-do-these-things#post-54539 Sun, 12 Jun 2011 14:22:17 +0000 Roseannah 54539@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hi, I've had OCD for less than a year but it's all progessed very rapidly and gets worse all the time. My therapist is trying to work out what started it and what's fueling it to stop it getting worse, but so far we've not cracked this. Anyway it started with checking appliances and now I have problems with alsorts of things. I just wonder whether with some of these things I'm the only one, or do other people do these things too? Here are some examples, if anyone has problems with these things I'd appreciate hearing from you and for any advice regarding stopping them: Driving: Driving forwards - I end up checking in my mirrors that every pedestrian I pass is not lying in the road me having ran them over. This then sometimes means I have to drive round in circles. Also if I decide I'm not fully concentrating, say I'm day dreaming or thinking of something else - which is basically impossible to do all the time, when I'm driving I end up worrying and driving round again to check. Leaving a parking space - If I've parked on a street I have to go round the block once usually twice to drive past the space and check I didn't run someone over. This then gets worse as because I've stopped or slowed down to check the space I worry I've ran someone over driving forwards as I wasn't looking properly, I'm also now really worried one of the residents on a street I often park will report me to the police for my odd behaviour. Cleanliness Underwear - I have to wash my hands three times before taking this out of the washing machine and hanging it up, I don't let anything touch it, then I have to wash my hands lots to put it straight away in my draw and before picking it up to put it on, plus I only let myself touch the sides. Towels - I won't let my towel touch anything but the rack it hangs on, the place I put it in the bathroom or myself and have to wash my hands lots before picking it up. Before using the toilet - I have to wash my hands either once with anti-bacterial soap or three times with normal soap before I actually use the toilet as I worry my hands could have touched something which was dirty, then when I touch the toilet paper it will get on this then me. Food preparation - If I touch any food packaging I have to then wash my hands before I touch any food again. If food touches the surface or I touched it when I had touched anything else before I then have to throw it away. This means it takes ages to prepare meals and I now keep wasting food. Writing Letters - If I'm going to send a letter at work I have to check it before I print it and after I've printed it - I don't know what I think I'm going to write, but I just think if I write something wrong I could loose my job - and despite all of this OCD stuff the one thing I'm good at and love is my job. Checking Candles - I check most things around the house from my hair straighteners, to sockets, to the kettle, to the oven. One thing that usually causes me most stress is the candles on the mantel piece. I didn't want to give in to this for months so kept them all there, but gradually have thrown them out till there are just 4. Want to keep some as otherwise it's complete avoidance! Anyway I have to stare at them, talk to myself and say each is not lit at least 3 times before leaving. Anyway, these are just some examples where I feel like I'm the only one. Love to hear from anyone who does anything similar and like I say any tips to stop, as having CBT but not got any better yet and I'm fed up with it all. <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> Roseannah Anonymous on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42419 Mon, 21 Jun 2010 13:41:03 +0000 Anonymous 42419@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ That's really good!! asuvorov on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42418 Sun, 20 Jun 2010 19:47:50 +0000 asuvorov 42418@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ I did not on that particular day, and I unfortunately had one of the most intense periods of distress yesterday. But today I feel much better, I drove home today (my first time driving for about 5 weeks now) from work with a passenger and I was able to cope just fine. I feel much better because of it, I have proven to myself that I'm able to overcome this condition without practising avoidance. I'm not mobile again by any means but I feel like I'm on track. truddles on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42399 Sat, 19 Jun 2010 22:47:52 +0000 truddles 42399@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Did you manage to go out for a drive after your exam? Anonymous on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42361 Thu, 17 Jun 2010 14:46:22 +0000 Anonymous 42361@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ I am so pleased to hear that, about the exam and going for a drive. It's a beautiful day here, I hope it's the same where you are and that you can go out in your car. Tricia x asuvorov on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42360 Thu, 17 Jun 2010 14:32:54 +0000 asuvorov 42360@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ You didn't worry me, I worried myself. I already knew that there have been accidental deaths due to electricity, but there are so many variables to consider it's tricky to determine what constitutes a lethal shock. All this talk is not relevant, it's just pointless rationalising as I always seem to do, in my perpetual quest for certainty. I finished the exam, it went very well and I feel much better, my general feelings of anxiety are lower and I am considering going out for a drive in a bit. Anonymous on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42356 Thu, 17 Jun 2010 13:33:47 +0000 Anonymous 42356@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ I think exam stress is likely to make your OCD worse, any stress does. Good luck with your exams, by the way. As Teresa said, CBT, at least the exposure part, makes things worse to begin with, because we are facing fears head-on. I’m truly sorry for worrying you so much about electrocution. I was just concerned that you believed electricity in the home to be so safe. That doesn’t mean anyone is at risk using appliances correctly. Wet hands are probably the main thing to avoid. My friend’s brother was an electrician and he made an error while working. Also, as I said, like you, I have had a belt off the mains and I came to no harm. In my case I was washing a dusty cable that ran behind kitchen appliances. What I didn’t realize was that mice had chewed part way through it and exposed the wires. swan on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42355 Thu, 17 Jun 2010 11:25:00 +0000 swan 42355@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Yes it is common for things to get worse before thye get better but dont be put off. asuvorov on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42350 Wed, 16 Jun 2010 23:41:31 +0000 asuvorov 42350@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ I have heard about people being towed and forgetting to put the key in, it does look frightening, at least I know I am never likely to make that mistake in the future! I'm sorry but I must be honest in saying that I am deeply alarmed by hearing of somebody you know lost a brother due to electrocution. When I read that I felt all my old fears hurrying back to me and I was stopped dead in my tracks, I had a sudden rush of dread which I am only just recovering from 2 hours or so later. I am now in quite a state, having switched off the main outlets at the wall in my room. I will go to sleep soon because I have an exam in the morning, perhaps I will feel better tomorrow, I think I may force myself to go for a short drive tomorrow afternoon, It's crucial that I at least attempt to make progress. I'm beginning to think that all these symptoms are due to exam stress manifesting itself as OCD. Looking back, many of previous episodes have coincided with periods of change or social upheaval. Is it correct that I may have read somewhere that it is normal for OCD symptoms to become worse for a short time when beginning a CBT program? Anyway thanks for the responses, I'll keep providing updates. Anonymous on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42337 Wed, 16 Jun 2010 15:11:24 +0000 Anonymous 42337@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Suvorov, I agree with you. I have read all your messages and it certainly doesn’t sound as if you would ever do anything which would cause obvious harm to yourself or others. I have been thinking about your message and I realized that I have also felt compelled to do things which could be a little risky but are not necessarily so. I am still concerned about your removing the key, though, even in a relatively safe area. Probably because I experienced something similar myself and the incident really alarmed me. (I was being towed when my car wouldn’t start and I left the key on the back seat, forgetting the steering would be locked!). The feeling you are going to shout out ‘bomb’ or ‘terrorist’ is common. Many with OCD experience the same. I refer to it as my ‘Tourette’s‘, but I have never shouted out any inappropriate words and I suppose I can safely say I am unlikely to begin doing so at my age (unless senility takes a hold). Like you, I have had a belt off the mains and survived. I hoped the strength of the shock might fix the wiring in my brain, but alas there was no change. Pease don’t assume you would always be so fortunate. A friend of mine lost her brother due to accidental electrocution. I do appreciate your comments about CBT seeming archaic. If you’ve read some of my recent messages you will know I share your view. However, it does seem to be the best treatment available for us at the present time. Hopefully, such methods will be obsolete before long! Please let us know how you are doing and I’d be interested to hear what you think of the book you have ordered. Anonymous on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42309 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 15:35:41 +0000 Anonymous 42309@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ No, I agree, it isn't quite the same. I am so sorry, but I have to dash and I haven't even got beyond your first few sentences. I will return and I am sure Trudy and others will, too. Tricia x asuvorov on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42308 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 15:31:25 +0000 asuvorov 42308@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ You didn't misread my message Tricia, I have indeed removed the key whilst driving. But I do not feel this count as carrying out my compulsions, I only performed the action on occasions when I know it would be relatively safe to do so. For example, on the occasion where I nearly crashed into the hedge, it was a straight country road with no other traffic, I knew that the situation would be just about under my control. For this reason I don't think it counts as carrying out my true fears, so I'm not an exception to the rule. My real fear is that I would perform it on a busy road or going around a corner. More specifically, there is a road on my commute which meanders down a hill with a sharp incline. Even when I wasn't having an episode of OCD it worried me slightly to travel on this stretch of road. It appears my worries only involve actions where there is a degree of uncertainty, when confronted with a cliff, I don't feel afraid that I will jump off, such an act would result in certain death. But I would feel an urge to shuffle towards the edge, potentially placing too much weight on an overhang, risking a land slide and subsequently falling. I know from having suffered from the electricity fears that outlets in the United Kingdom are very safe in this way. The two live ports on the bottom have flaps that only open when a plug is inserted into the top ground socket. Unfortunately, I also have first hand experience of being shocked from the mains, and it appears to be harmless. This happened once from a table lamp light bulb connector and on a second occasion in Egypt when I was plugging an appliance in and carelessly trapped my finger beneath the wall and the plug (this was a genuine accident. But all this is irrelevant. From my observations, I fear situations where I am no longer in control of my fate and luck becomes the prevailing factor. With the driving, I don't fear I will purposefully swerve into oncoming traffic because there is no uncertainty, an accident will be entirely of my own causing. With the key however, it is possible to perform the action without causing accident, it just makes having an accident significantly more likely. I would explain my urge to carry out these actions as a desire for certainty, as if the only way to be sure whether an action is dangerous is to repeatedly perform the action until I am satisfied with a consistent result. I have also experienced similar urges in public situations with could cause alienation or embarrassment. I travelled on a plane a couple of years and found myself distressed by an urge to yell 'bomb' or 'terrorist', I was able to suppress these urges with little anxiety but it is interesting none the less. Going back to the subject of CBT, I understand there is a lot more to the theory than the exposure treatment. The idea of rituals re-enforcing a false premise seems like a plausible idea but the treatment still appears to me as primitive and archaic. I have ordered Coping with OCD from Amazon so I will hope that will give me some more insight into the treatment. Anonymous on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42299 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 14:06:56 +0000 Anonymous 42299@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ I have just realized that Trudy said to remember they are only thoughts. I apologize if I misread your first message. I thought you had actually taken the key from the ignition while driving. Anonymous on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42298 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 14:02:09 +0000 Anonymous 42298@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ I have a close friend who worried about driving and had similar obsessions, but she never actually switched the ignition off. She was disabled and struggled to drive, so gave up driving shortly after. She also feared she would poke metal objects into sockets, but she has never actually done any of these things and I am convinced she never will. Actually, I have never heard of anyone with OCD carrying out such a compulsion. The only exception would possibly be a lady whose OCD has made an accident likely. She is a friend whose magical thinking controlled how long she felt she had to keep her foot on the accelerator. She would have a thought that she must hold the pedal down for the count of twenty, and if she came to a red light she would continue driving. Miraculously she never hit another car, but I did advise her to stop driving until she received help with this compulsion. Most people who fear they will drive badly or do things to harm themselves never actually do, it remains just a terrifying thought, but if you have actually turned off your ignition whilst driving you do need help with that before driving alone. I have seen Tourette’s sufferers on TV documentaries who drive erratically because of their condition, and that really worried me. OCD sufferers are told they will never put a harmful thought into action. truddles on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42293 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 11:57:50 +0000 truddles 42293@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hi, Have you tried reading any books on OCD that explain CBT? You can go to the Resource Centre on this site for more information on OCD and CBT, click on 'it's time to know' on the right hand side of this page for more information. You could also try reading Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by David Veale and Rob Willson. If there's anything that you don't understand with regards to your CBT you should always ask your therapist to explain. Don't try to carry on without fully understanding what it is you're supposed to be doing. <blockquote>With regards to the CBT, I guess I feel slightly disappointed that the core methodology just about equates to telling a person with arachnophobia to sit in a room full of spiders.</blockquote> There's more to CBT than that and you need to get your therapist to explain it further. Someone with a fear of spiders wouldn't just be made to sit in the room with them, but would also be taught how to change their thoughts with regards to their fears. Most people get the thoughts that we do but either ignore them or deal with them and then it's forgotten but with OCD we just can't get rid of that initial thought. A lot of people that drive have fleeting thoughts that they'll be the cause of an accident but they either ignore them or are able to quickly rationalise that they wont. But when you have OCD the thought just wont go. But remember they are only thoughts. CBT will help you to deal appropriately with those thoughts. By the way you don't have to drive to have those thoughts, I do and I'm only a pedestrian <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_confused.gif" title=":?" class="bb_smilies" /> Try posting a separate thread on the forum asking if others have problems with OCD and driving. asuvorov on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42292 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 11:27:00 +0000 asuvorov 42292@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Thanks for your response Truddles, It's interesting to hear that others find difficulty in driving due to OCD. With regards to the CBT, I guess I feel slightly disappointed that the core methodology just about equates to telling a person with arachnophobia to sit in a room full of spiders. I wasn't sure what I was expecting but it seems whilst our understanding of the condition has grown significantly CBT seems to be a rather 'old fashioned' treatment. In face of this I will carry on as best I can and report back. truddles on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42289 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 08:55:42 +0000 truddles 42289@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hi A Suvorov, Welcome to the forum. I've only got a couple of minutes but wanted to let you know that you're not alone with the OCD. I personally don't drive but there others on this forum that find driving difficult because of their OCD. With regards to the CBT, if you've only just started give it a chance sometimes it takes a few sessions to see any noticeable difference. Tell your therapist that you're having serious problems leaving the drive way and so unable to go anywhere in the car. You need to tell your therapist everything so they can help. Sorry that's the doorbell so must go. Good luck with your exams <img src="http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> Trudy asuvorov on "Opening Up" http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/opening-up-1#post-42286 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 01:39:10 +0000 asuvorov 42286@http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/ Hello, My name is clearly not A Suvorov, but I speak to you under this pseudonym because I do not feel I am able to open up to this extent under my genuine identity. I can divulge that I am an English Male, 18 years of age who has just been diagnosed with OCD, having suffered with these symptoms for about 9 years. I appear to be at a pivotal stage in my life, my A2 exams are literally beginning tomorrow, and in August my family are moving from the house in which I have effectively spent my entire life. If I achieve the high grades expected of me by the universities I have applied for, I'll be leaving everything behind in September. But strangely, the thought of this turmoil doesn't disturb me, when I imagine leaving my home never to return again, my mind simply goes blank. I never seem to worry about exams either, so far in my academic life I've been able to coast my education doing relatively little revision and yet still receiving favourable grades. So whilst I don't fear academic failure, I still manage live in fear. Some sufferers of OCD feel compulsions to protect others from danger out of responsibility, my particular brand of the disorder seems more selfish in nature. You see, I live in fear of myself. When confronted with a perceived danger, I feel an overpowering compulsion to place myself in harm's way. Although the conditions seem to me arbitrary. It is extremely difficult to illustrate my thoughts without going into specifics, so here goes: (Before I begin, other sufferers of OCD may believe it is possible to 'pick up ideas' from reading others' accounts of their particular obsessional thoughts. I have stressed over this in the past, and it is one of the reasons I am reluctant to go into specifics. Having said this, this is almost certainly an irrational fear in itself, reading about other's experiences on this forum has given me nothing but added insight into the disorder.) The latest and most debilitating of all my obsessional fears concerns driving. For over a year, I have been happily, and without incident, transporting myself in my car. But almost overnight, 4 weeks ago, I became unable to trust myself behind the wheel of a car, and have subsequently not driven since. The reason for which is very specific; When driving a car with a manual transmission, it is possible to remove the key whilst in motion. This has the effect of shutting down all electronic functions in the vehicle, the lights will go off, the power steering will disengage, the brakes will lose hydraulic pressure becoming ineffective, the air bags will be inactive and the steering column will lock. This sequence of events makes a potentially fatal crash imminent unless the key is promptly returned to the ignition. Having knowledge of the mechanical results of carrying out this action, when driving, I feel a tremendous urge to remove the key when I drive. Most disturbingly, I have not been able to suppress the compulsion. I have performed this action on two occasions, and on one of these occasions I nearly crashed into a hedge. I carried on driving for several days after this event, suffering hugely from anxiety. Each evening before the drive to college the next morning, I felt convinced that there was a significant chance of causing a lethal traffic accident on my next journey. I was able to delay getting back into the car for a day by having the horn repaired on the car as it was broken. I lied to my parents that I had a traumatic experience in the car due to somebody backing into me and my not being able to alert them of my presence. This excuse gave me several days of lifts with my parents driving. These few added days felt like a God send, like I had been able to avoid certain death, it was almost euphoric. But here I am, 4 weeks later, immobile due to a fear which I know is irrational. I fear that if I don't manage to overcome my compulsions by September I will never be able to drive again. I also suffer from hideously disturbing visions and daydreams, in which I play out the terrible results of my compulsions. Interestingly, I also seem to be consistently dreaming about the act of driving, but in my dreams, it is never a traumatic experience as it is in reality. In this period I have also seen earlier episodes rear their ugly head, all of which involve harming myself in some way, commonly through exploiting a perceived danger in a household appliance. For example I constantly find myself unplugging the toaster and switching the outlet off at the wall for fear I will purposefully insert a metal object. I have suffered, and still suffer from many similar worries but it disturbs me too greatly to illustrate them, even under my new found alias. Throughout my life these worries come in waves, episodes spanning 6 or 7 weeks at a time. After which I may even forget about my previous obsessions all together and go back to worrying about normal teenager stuff. The nature of this episode has caused my parents to send me to a prevalent CBT expert for consolations, privately. The thought that my ridiculous inability to cope with my intrusive thoughts is costing my parents financially is only adding to my problems. Unfortunately, I am not finding the CBT part of these consultations useful. Although we have drawn up a plausible diagram of the thought processes which cause the distress. It seems to me that the actual treatment amounts to little more than the old fashioned 'face your fears' methodology. So I have now been told to get back in the car for short journeys with the intention of building up slowly. I cannot even bring myself to leave the driveway at this stage, so I am already hitting a barrier to my treatment before it has even begun. Thanks for reading this post, I apologise for the length, this entry is as much an act of self medication as a plea for advice and reassurance. Yours, A Suvorov.